Current favourite jokes

[Dave2002]

On an agricultural theme likewise, an oldie:

Q. What has four legs and flies?

A. A dead cow...

Q. What has two legs, two "arms" a wheel and flies?

A. A wheelbarrow load of manure.


If you don't like the "arms" it still works without them.

[Flosshilde]

It was WS Churchill who exclaimed 'what an extraordinary name, neither etc.' when introduced to one Sir Alfred Bosom.

I still don't understand it

[amateur51]

I still don't understand it

I think the person's name was Bossom - 'neither Bottom nor Bosom' would be my guess, Flossie

[teamsaint]

I think the person's name was Bossom - 'neither Bottom nor Bosom' would be my guess, Flossie

a similar " neither one thing or the other " joke does the rounds, purportedly said by John Arlott of New Zealand bowler Bob Cunis.

[Ant]

Hello all,

Flapper - an early name for a prostitute, later a young girl.

1925 poem:
"If skirts get any shorter"
Said the Flapper with a sob
"There'll be two more cheeks to powder
And another place to bob!"

Regards Ant

[jean]

[Serial_Apologist]

Brilliant!!!

Ronnie Scott jokes:

"Did you hear about the jazz musician who goes to the doctor and the doctor says 'I'm sorry, you've only got three months to live!' and the guy says 'What on?'"

"Two rabbits escape from a laboratory. On the first day they're having a marvellous time out in the fields, the second day they come across these does, and have a great time with them, third day they're out in the sunshine again and one says to the other, 'I've got to get back to the laboratory'. The other one says 'You must be mad, what for?' He says, 'Because I haven't had a fag for three days'".

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Doorbell repairman.

[Ant]

Knock knock!!!

"Who's there?"

"Nazi!"

"Nazi who?"

"Ve ask der qvestions round here!!!"

Regards Ant

[Ant]

Hello all, sorry if I'm hogging the limelight...

There was a young man with a hernia
Who said to his doctor "Goldurnia -
When improving my middle
Be sure you don't fiddle
With matters that do not concernia."

When they wheeled me into Theatre for the old-style op not too long ago they found this limerick taped across the relevant area. Next day I was told "We all loved your limerick and I promise I didn't touch anything that didn't concern me!"

Regards Ant

[aka Calum Da Jazbo]

[EdgeleyRob]

A bloke goes to the doctor's with a ten pound note sticking out of his bottom. The doctor removes it with some tweezers, but finds more.

Eventually, the doc has pulled out £1,990. The bloke looks at the money and says "Well, I knew I wasn't feeling two grand......"

[arancie33]

From the incorrigible elder daughter:



A pregnant woman from Virginia was involved in a car accident and, while in the hospital, she fell into a coma. When she awoke days later, the woman noticed that she was no longer carrying a child, and asked, "Doc, what happened to my baby!"

The doctor replied, "Ma'am, you've had twins! You're the proud mother of a handsome baby boy and a beautiful baby girl. Also, you should know that while you were in a coma, your brother named the children for you."

"Oh, no!" shrieked the woman. "Not my brother! He's not really all together, if you know what I mean!"

The doctor replied, "Well, ma'am, your brother named your daughter Denise."

"Oh, that's no so bad," smiled the woman. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?"






The doctor grinned and said, "Denephew."

[Beef Oven!]

A bloke goes to the doctor's with a ten pound note sticking out of his bottom. The doctor removes it with some tweezers, but finds more.

Eventually, the doc has pulled out £1,990. The bloke looks at the money and says "Well, I knew I wasn't feeling two grand......"

[teamsaint]

Apparently the German PM recently visited france, and when she got to passport control they asked her name.
" Angela Merkel", she said.
" Occupation?"

"No, " came the hurried reply, "Just a short holiday".