Current favourite jokes

[Beef Oven!]

Hello all,

I'm up to page 26 at the moment and I'm reminded by one I saw earlier:

Vicar driving his Bishop round his parish in his pony and trap when the horse broke wind long and loud. The vicar was very embarrassed and said "I do beg your pardon, my Lord." "Oh, I thought it was the horse!"

Regards Ant

Don't forget you have to be up early in the morning.

[Ant]

Hello all, again,

I really must stop this. Another one reminds me:

Handyman putting up shelves in the Bishop's study while he's writing a sermon. Chap hammers his thumb and exclaims "Bloody Hell!" Bishop looks at him reproachfully "My son, you shouldn't swear, you should count to ten then ask for God's forgiveness. A few minutes later his chisel slips and the end of his sore thumb falls to the ground. He stands there, red in the face but managing to contain the expletives then suddenly the end of the thumb jumps up and re-attaches itself. "Blood Hell!" said the Bishop...

Regards Ant

[Beef Oven!]

Hello all, again,

I really must stop this. Another one reminds me:

Handyman putting up shelves in the Bishop's study while he's writing a sermon. Chap hammers his thumb and exclaims "Bloody Hell!" Bishop looks at him reproachfully "My son, you shouldn't swear, you should count to ten then ask for God's forgiveness. A few minutes later his chisel slips and the end of his sore thumb falls to the ground. He stands there, red in the face but managing to contain the expletives then suddenly the end of the thumb jumps up and re-attaches itself. "Blood Hell!" said the Bishop...

Regards Ant

[Ant]

Hello B.O. et al,

"Don't forget you have to be up early in the morning. "

I don't actually. Well, not normally, but tomorrow we're having our solar panels installed - a marginally better return than the bank!

Regards Ant

[EdgeleyRob]

I've always wanted to learn how to juggle, but I just don’t have the balls.

[Beef Oven!]

I've always wanted to learn how to juggle, but I just don’t have the balls.

Dear sir

I have,

Yours faithfully

C.O. Jones,
Redditch, Worcestershire

[Ant]

Hello all, definitely the last chance to be reminded of another - tonight, anyway:

Two pieces of black asphalt go into a bar and order three pints each. To the barman: "We're really tough, us black asphalts you know, I'm off the M6 and my friend here's off the M4!" They're supping away and then a piece of red asphalt comes in and the two black pieces vault over the bar and hide, shivering. When the red one's gone the barman says "Right lads, you can come out now. Whatever was wrong?" "Well, that red asphalt, he's a cyclepath!"

G'night - Ant

[Beef Oven!]

Hello all, definitely the last chance to be reminded of another - tonight, anyway:

Two pieces of black asphalt go into a bar and order three pints each. To the barman: "We're really tough, us black asphalts you know, I'm off the M6 and my friend here's off the M4!" They're supping away and then a piece of red asphalt comes in and the two black pieces vault over the bar and hide, shivering. When the red one's gone the barman says "Right lads, you can come out now. Whatever was wrong?" "Well, that red asphalt, he's a cyclepath!"

G'night - Ant

and I thought the punch-line was gonna be 'one for the road'

[EdgeleyRob]

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered in chocolate sauce,police think that he topped himself.

[Beef Oven!]

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered in chocolate sauce,police think that he topped himself.

I love stupid jokes like that!!!!!!!

[EdgeleyRob]

A Vicar and a Buddhist are having toast when an image of Jesus appears in the margarine,the Buddhist says "I can’t believe it’s not Buddha".

[Beef Oven!]

A Vicar and a Buddhist are having toast when an image of Jesus appears in the margarine,the Buddhist says "I can’t believe it’s not Buddha".

Did you know that there is only one molecule difference in margarine to plastic? Scary.

[Nick Armstrong]

C.O. Jones

I don't think that got the acclaim it deserved...!

[Serial_Apologist]

Hello all, again,

I really must stop this. Another one reminds me:

Handyman putting up shelves in the Bishop's study while he's writing a sermon. Chap hammers his thumb and exclaims "Bloody Hell!" Bishop looks at him reproachfully "My son, you shouldn't swear, you should count to ten then ask for God's forgiveness. A few minutes later his chisel slips and the end of his sore thumb falls to the ground. He stands there, red in the face but managing to contain the expletives then suddenly the end of the thumb jumps up and re-attaches itself. "Blood Hell!" said the Bishop...

Regards Ant

Reminds me of my "Missed the bastard" joke.

[Beef Oven!]

I don't think that got the acclaim it deserved...!

Many years ago, my friend, a Gibraltarian, told me that whenever they wrote in to the authorities for some complaint or other, they would sign the letter C. O. Jones.