I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble
letters this morning. Going for a dump
later could spell TROUBLE.
letters this morning. Going for a dump
later could spell TROUBLE.
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"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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Worried about my speech impediment, I told my G.P. that I couldn't pronounce 'F's and 't-aitchs'.
He said, "well, you can't say fairer than that then".Comment
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"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."Comment
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I discovered my dog has turned into a bit of
a locksmith. I stuck a poker up his arse and
he made a bolt for the door.
One for older readers there, aye thang yew...
"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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Barack Obama phoned me tonight and said, 'John my government isn't working'... so I told him to shut it down and switch it back on again.Originally posted by EdgeleyRob View Post
We should resurrect the joke thread.
Nice offer on Amazon - if you buy all Adam & The Ants sheet music, they'll throw in a stand & deliver.
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I couldn't believe it today, when I came home and was told by my wife that my 5-year-old son wasn't actually mine.
She said that I need to pay more attention when picking him up from school.
Good night.Comment
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A man was sprawled across three seats in the theatre, so the usher asked him move, but he groaned and wouldn't budge.
She got the manager and he asked the man to move, but he just moaned and stayed put.
They fetched a policeman and he said "what's your name sir?"
"Sam" said the man.
"Where you from Sam"? asked the policeman.
"The balcony"Comment
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What do you call a woman who juggles pints?
Beatrix.Comment
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Whats the difference between a bull and an orchestra ?
A bull has the horns at the front and the asshole at the back.Comment
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How do you mend a broken tuba ?
With a tuba glue.Comment
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What have Henry the eighth and Kermit the Frog got in common?
They both have the same middle name.
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A man goes into a butcher's shop and says to the buxom assistant: "Six pork chops, love"
Assistant: "Anything else?"
Man (staring intently at her ample midriff): "Pound a fillet"
Assistant: "Pound you don't"Comment
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Originally posted by johncorrigan View PostBarack Obama phoned me tonight and said, 'John my government isn't working'... so I told him to shut it down and switch it back on again.
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Three old Irishmen enjoying a drink spot the local baptist minister sneaking in to the brothel across the road. " It's disgusting! ' says one "And him a man of the cloth ! '
Minutes later the local rabbi comes along and sneaks into the premises. "It's disgraceful!" says another, him in that big hat ! He should know better ! "
A little later the local catholic priest comes along and goes straight in. Says the third, " Ah! What a shame ! One of the girls must have died ! "Comment
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