Current favourite jokes

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  • Nick Armstrong
    Host
    • Nov 2010
    • 26523

    Here you go Edgy. Entertain us!

    On-topic starter:


    Yesterday evening, I had to change a lightbulb. I went
    out a bit later - as I crossed the road, there was a chicken
    coming the other way. Then I walked into a
    bar with an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman.
    I realised my life was just one big joke.


    "...the isle is full of noises,
    Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
    Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
    Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

    Comment

    • teamsaint
      Full Member
      • Nov 2010
      • 25195

      i told my wife that when I am gone I am going to leave everything to her.
      She said " You lazy sod, you do that already ".
      I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own.

      I am not a number, I am a free man.

      Comment

      • EdgeleyRob
        Guest
        • Nov 2010
        • 12180

        My wife is taking me out shopping tonight.
        She said I need new clothes as I look too middle aged.
        I'm gutted. I love my suit of armour.

        Comment

        • teamsaint
          Full Member
          • Nov 2010
          • 25195

          Originally posted by edgeleyrob View Post
          my wife is taking me out shopping tonight.
          She said i need new clothes as i look too middle aged.
          I'm gutted. I love my suit of armour.
          rofl.
          I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own.

          I am not a number, I am a free man.

          Comment

          • Nick Armstrong
            Host
            • Nov 2010
            • 26523

            Originally posted by EdgeleyRob View Post
            My wife said switching off her mothers life support machine was the most difficult thing ever.
            She's obviously never tried sneezing while holding a full pint!
            About a month before he died, my grand-dad got flu - he believed in the old remedies so we covered his back with lard... after that, he went downhill very quickly
            "...the isle is full of noises,
            Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
            Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
            Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

            Comment

            • Beef Oven!
              Ex-member
              • Sep 2013
              • 18147

              Man walks into a baker's shop and asks for a loaf of bread.

              The assistant says 'white or brown'?

              The man says, 'it doesn't matter, I've got me bike outside' !!!!!!!!!!

              Comment

              • EdgeleyRob
                Guest
                • Nov 2010
                • 12180

                I received this in a text message today,gbna.

                That's bang out of order.

                Comment

                • Nick Armstrong
                  Host
                  • Nov 2010
                  • 26523

                  It's a frenzied gag-fest!

                  (I've said Beefy's latest aloud 6 times, still don't get it though... )
                  "...the isle is full of noises,
                  Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
                  Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
                  Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

                  Comment

                  • teamsaint
                    Full Member
                    • Nov 2010
                    • 25195

                    Originally posted by Caliban View Post
                    It's a frenzied gag-fest!

                    (I've said Beefy's latest aloud 6 times, still don't get it though... )
                    me neither.

                    But at least you will be able to tell it well !!
                    I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered. My life is my own.

                    I am not a number, I am a free man.

                    Comment

                    • Beef Oven!
                      Ex-member
                      • Sep 2013
                      • 18147

                      Originally posted by Caliban View Post
                      It's a frenzied gag-fest!

                      (I've said Beefy's latest aloud 6 times, still don't get it though... )

                      Comment

                      • Beef Oven!
                        Ex-member
                        • Sep 2013
                        • 18147

                        Originally posted by EdgeleyRob View Post
                        I received this in a text message today,gbna.

                        That's bang out of order.

                        Comment

                        • Nick Armstrong
                          Host
                          • Nov 2010
                          • 26523

                          Originally posted by Beef Oven! View Post
                          "...the isle is full of noises,
                          Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
                          Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
                          Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

                          Comment

                          • Beef Oven!
                            Ex-member
                            • Sep 2013
                            • 18147

                            Originally posted by Caliban View Post
                            About a month before he died, my grand-dad got flu - he believed in the old remedies so we covered his back with lard... after that, he went downhill very quickly

                            Comment

                            • Beef Oven!
                              Ex-member
                              • Sep 2013
                              • 18147

                              I can't believe that I've never heard any of these jokes!!!!!

                              Comment

                              • EdgeleyRob
                                Guest
                                • Nov 2010
                                • 12180

                                I started a business selling hot cakes.

                                They sold reasonably well.

                                Comment

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