Current favourite jokes

[Nick Armstrong]

Some of these threads are getting too serious and there's too much bickering at the moment.

Quite right, Rob

Here's one for 'Round Ball' regulars:


Little known fact... Danny Welbeck's Dad,
Stan, is one of the army's top bomb
disposal experts.


(PS: say it aloud to yourself)

[Beef Oven]

my sister came over to visit me last week and I asked her how her journey was. She said she came on the bus - but it was alright, she made it look like an asthma attack.

[Nick Armstrong]

my sister came over to visit me last week and I asked her how her journey was. She said she came on the bus - but it was alright, she made it look like an asthma attack.

[Panjandrum]

Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast?

Because one egg eez un oeuf.

[EdgeleyRob]

I was at my local swimming pool today and decided to take a sneaky pee in the deep end.
The life guard must have noticed though, he blew the whistle so loud I nearly fell in!

[Panjandrum]

Jimmy Carr goes to his doctor: "Doc I'm feeling stressed".
GP: "You mustn't over-tax yourself."

[amateur51]

Jimmy Carr goes to his doctor: "Doc I'm feeling stressed".
GP: "You mustn't over-tax yourself."

[EdgeleyRob]

Rumour has it Harry Redknapp will be getting a £3 million pay off from Spurs.
That's not bad,I've just worked out that after tax he will take home £3 million.

[Beef Oven]

Rumour has it Harry Redknapp will be getting a £3 million pay off from Spurs.
That's not bad,I've just worked out that after tax he will take home £3 million.

Harry Redknapp said to his new signing, "as you're new, I'm gonna pull you off at half time". The new signing said "great, at my old club they just gave us oranges".

[EdgeleyRob]

A man is sitting in the pub with his wife and whispers: “I love you.”

Wife asks: “Is that you or the beer talking?”

Man replies: “It’s me talking to the beer.”

[Beef Oven]

I rang up the care home to see how my elderly father was doing in his first week in a home.

The guy said "he's like a fish out of water".

I said, "what, he's not settling in?"

The guy said "no, he's dead".

[EdgeleyRob]

My wife said switching off her mothers life support machine was the most difficult thing ever.
She's obviously never tried sneezing while holding a full pint!

[Beef Oven]

My wife said switching off her mothers life support machine was the most difficult thing ever.
She's obviously never tried sneezing while holding a full pint!

[EdgeleyRob]

I was in Tesco with my wife the other day and totally out of the blue she said, "What a lazy sod you are".
I was so taken aback I almost fell out of the trolley she was pushing.

[EdgeleyRob]

I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but you seem to have quite a large supply a lot of excellent jokes that you steadily feed in!

Come clean, surely you don't make them all up yourself!?

We should resurrect the joke thread.

Nice offer on Amazon - if you buy all Adam & The Ants sheet music, they'll throw in a stand & deliver.