Current favourite jokes

[mangerton]

(I don't know about sair heid cake - what's it like?)

A small individual cake, circular, about 2" diam, 3" tall. It comes wrapped in a paper tube, in the way you would bandage a sore head.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/42594346@N03/4615363682/

[PatrickOD]

I hope I don't have a sair heid tomorrow.
But I'm not holding my breath.
Cheers!

[EdgeleyRob]

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist.
Just to see what would happen, at Christmas time their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.

On Christmas morning the father went to the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.

"Why are you crying?" the father asked.

"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.

Going to the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.

To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

[Flosshilde]

A small individual cake, circular, about 2" diam, 3" tall. It comes wrapped in a paper tube, in the way you would bandage a sore head.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/42594346@N03/4615363682/

I haven't spotted these in Glasgow - certainly not in Greggs, or Bradfords or Aulds, but some of the 'home bakeries' in the east end might have them.

I wonder if they're sold in the 'Sarry Heid' http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l7...zf64o1_500.jpg

[mangerton]

I haven't spotted these in Glasgow - certainly not in Greggs, or Bradfords or Aulds, but some of the 'home bakeries' in the east end might have them.

I wonder if they're sold in the 'Sarry Heid' http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l7...zf64o1_500.jpg

No, that's a totally different place. According to Billy Connolly, the Saracen's Head is where the Last Supper was held. (It's near the Cross.)

[Anna]

I put sair heid into google and this came up:

O mony hae pri'ed a kiss o ma mou
an ane that pri'ed me has cost me sair,
for he was the ane I was fain to lo'e;
but I sall see him nevermair.

So it's not just about patisserie!

[Mr Pee]

Apparently the Royals aren't having their usual fruitcake this Christmas. But he should be out of hospital in a day or two.

[Flosshilde]

Apparently the Royals aren't having their usual fruitcake this Christmas. But he should be out of hospital in a day or two.

Goodness - that's a bit naughty for you, Mr Pee. Anybody would think that you're a closet republican

[Mr Pee]

Goodness - that's a bit naughty for you, Mr Pee. Anybody would think that you're a closet republican

Well.....it is Christmas.......

[Stillhomewardbound]

I'm not saying our father was mean but one day before Christmas time as we were sat for tea he took advantage of a car backfiring outside in the street to announce that we wouldn't be getting any presents that year on account of Father Xmas having just committed suicide!!

[Roehre]

Joseph the Carpenter hits his thumb heavily while trying to hit a nail on its head.
A short moment later Jesus enters the workplace. "Did you call me, Father?"

[Mr Pee]

Renault and Ford have joined forces to create the perfect small car for women.

Mixing the Renault “Clio” and the Ford “Taurus” they have designed the “Clitaurus.” It comes in pink and the average male car thief won’t be able to find it – let alone turn it on – even if someone tells him where it is and how to do it.

[EdgeleyRob]

I'm not saying our father was mean but one day before Christmas time as we were sat for tea he took advantage of a car backfiring outside in the street to announce that we wouldn't be getting any presents that year on account of Father Xmas having just committed suicide!!

That reminds me of my dad saying when we heard the music from the ice cream van it signalled that he had none left.

[Ferretfancy]

As the royals are in the news at the moment, you might as well hear about the State Visit of the President of ----land. Her Majesty escorted him in an open carriage from Victoria Station, but as they were approaching the Palace, one of the horses broke wind rather loudly. The Queen was very embarrassed and said " I'm terribly sorry your excellency " and he replied. That's quite all right ma'am, as a matter of fact I thought it was the horse ! "

[EdgeleyRob]

Some of these threads are getting too serious and there's too much bickering at the moment.
So-

I went to the docs to find ouy why I can't get rid of my belly.
The doctor said "you have an over active".....and before he finished talking I butted in with "what,thyroid?".
"No" he said "knife and fork".