Current favourite jokes

[Ferretfancy]

Flay,
That's reminiscent of the tale of the young lady who was married to a very wealthy old man.
"He's a good husband", she told the doctor, " But he's no good in bed " The doctor gave her some pills for her husband, and a few weeks later he met her, all smiles with an armful of shopping. " Did it work? " said the doctor. " Oh yes, it was brilliant! As soon as I slipped the pills into his drink at dinner he wanted to make love, so we did, and then he wanted to make love again at bedtime. He woke me again at 2AM, and in the morning we had mad passionate love again, before he died."

[Flay]

Ferret !! He was obviously a very caring doctor. That's how I would like to go.

Unfortunately Mrs Flay would most likely slip me those blue pills to stop me from rolling out of bed!

[Stillhomewardbound]

Viagra is no cure for bad sunburn but it will help keep the sheets off you in bed.

[Richard Tarleton]

Heard this evening

Barman: We don't serve neutrinos here.

A neutrino walks into a bar.

[Flay]

There must be a few worthwhile jokes here:

"Puffin found at hospital sex clinic in Winchester dies"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hampshire-16016898

[Mr Pee]

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, ‘I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent.’

‘Thank God,’ said an elderly nun at the back. ‘I’m sick of Chardonnay."

[Roehre]

Receptionist in a hospital calls BT.
"We've got a problem with a telephone in the mortuary" she tells the call centre. "It's dead".

[Mr Pee]

I saw my friend coming out of the hospital crying today. I ran over to him and asked what was wrong.

He said “I’ve just found out I have the big C”.

Horrified, I replied “What, cancer?”.

He said “No, dyslexia".

[Panjandrum]

Comic Sans walks into a bar. Barman: 'Sorry, we don't serve your type'.

[Mr Pee]

Newsflash: Police today raided Kermit’s lily pad and found dirty photos of Miss Piggy.

A police spokesman said it was the worst case of Frogs Porn they had ever seen.

[johncorrigan]

I saw my friend coming out of the hospital crying today. I ran over to him and asked what was wrong.

He said “I’ve just found out I have the big C”.

Horrified, I replied “What, cancer?”.

He said “No, dyslexia".

Sorry for the age of this one but couldn't resist.

Did you hear about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic?
He lay awake at night wondering if there was a dog!

[Chris Newman]

Sorry for the age of this one but couldn't resist.

Did you hear about the dyslexic insomniac agnostic?
He lay awake at night wondering if there was a dog!

Equally old, but some have never read it:

Dyslexia lures! KO?

[EdgeleyRob]

Comic Sans walks into a bar. Barman: 'Sorry, we don't serve your type'.

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. Barman says "sorry we don't serve food".

[teamsaint]

recently seen on a portsmouth wall.

"pompey are magic"

added underneath

"watch them disappear from the championship"

[Serial_Apologist]

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. Barman says "sorry we don't serve food".

Black guy goes onto a bar. The barman says, "Sorry kid, we don't serve negroes". "That's okay 'cos I don't eat 'em. Give me a hamburger".