Current favourite jokes

[Serial_Apologist]

I’m so concerned about graffiti in public toilets I just signed a partition.

I always loved the one that had "More women train drivers!" scribbled on a wall in a pub popular with feminists, underneath which someone else has scrawled "A woman's right to choo-choos!"

[vinteuil]

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"I’m an extremely emotionally needy non-binary person: my pronouns are ‘there there’. "

- Sarah Keyworth, at this year's Edinburgh Festival Fringe


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[kernelbogey]

Mark Simmons has reportedly won in Edinburgh the 'Festival's funniest joke' award with this:

'I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.'

[vinteuil]

'Describe yourself in three words.'

'Lazy.'

quoted by Sathnam Sanghera in The Times this morning

.

[johncorrigan]

'Describe yourself in three words.'

'Lazy.'

quoted by Sathnam Sanghera in The Times this morning

.

[gurnemanz]

'Describe yourself in three words.'

'Lazy.'

quoted by Sathnam Sanghera in The Times this morning

.

Reminds me of a v old joke:

"Which two things do you dislike about Harold Wilson?"
"His face."

[Serial_Apologist]

Reminds me of a v old joke:

"Which two things do you dislike about Harold Wilson?"
"His face."

It took me about 30 secs to twig that one!

[vinteuil]

It took me about 30 secs to twig that one!

... o, it was only 28 seconds for me!

Harold Wilson's tenacity in keeping us out of the US adventure in Vietnam seems more and more admirable with hindsight. (in contrast with Blair going along with Iraq).
I remain an admirer of Wilson.

[Serial_Apologist]

... o, it was only 28 seconds for me!

Harold Wilson's tenacity in keeping us out of the US adventure in Vietnam seems more and more admirable with hindsight. (in contrast with Blair going along with Iraq).
I remain an admirer of Wilson.

And for those who selectively forget he kept Clause 4 and never as far as I know threw people he disagreed with out of the Labour Party. And he advocated the right heat of technology, for back then!

(Yes, I know, I know )

[LMcD]

... o, it was only 28 seconds for me!

Harold Wilson's tenacity in keeping us out of the US adventure in Vietnam seems more and more admirable with hindsight. (in contrast with Blair going along with Iraq).
I remain an admirer of Wilson.

I once read somewhere that a certain supposedly very clever Tory MP actually had 2 brains - one for each face.

[gradus]

I once read somewhere that a certain supposedly very clever Tory MP actually had 2 brains - one for each face.

I believe Mr Willets was so clever he had two brains but I only evr noticed one face.

[johncorrigan]

I saw this joke in a biography of Barry Cryer while browsing in a bookshop yesterday:


A man says to his doctor "I think my wife is going deaf, but I don't want to mention it as it'll be tactless and insensitive. Is there any way I can gauge it, preferably without her knowing?"

The doctor replies "There is! It's quite easy. Choose a moment when she has her back to you, say something in a normal voice and if she doesn't answer move a little nearer and say it again and you'll get an idea about her hearing"

So when he comes home from work, his wife is standing with her back to him in the kitchen. He says "What's for dinner love?", but he gets no answer.

He moves in a little closer. "What's for dinner love?" Again, no response.

He moves nearer. "What's for dinner love?" - nothing.

By now he's right behind her, he says again, "What's for dinner love?"

She turns round and says "For the fourth time - chicken!!"

[LMcD]

I saw this joke in a biography of Barry Cryer while browsing in a bookshop yesterday:


A man says to his doctor "I think my wife is going deaf, but I don't want to mention it as it'll be tactless and insensitive. Is there any way I can gauge it, preferably without her knowing?"

The doctor replies "There is! It's quite easy. Choose a moment when she has her back to you, say something in a normal voice and if she doesn't answer move a little nearer and say it again and you'll get an idea about her hearing"

So when he comes home from work, his wife is standing with her back to him in the kitchen. He says "What's for dinner love?", but he gets no answer.

He moves in a little closer. "What's for dinner love?" Again, no response.

He moves nearer. "What's for dinner love?" - nothing.

By now he's right behind her, he says again, "What's for dinner love?"

She turns round and says "For the fourth time - chicken!!"

[vinteuil]

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... recently back from holiday : this had a certain resonance -

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/picture/2024/aug/23/the-neolithic-dad-guide-to-what-time-to-leave-for-the-airport-stephen-collins-cartoon?CMP=share_btn_url

[Serial_Apologist]

.

... recently back from holiday : this had a certain resonance -

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeands...=share_btn_url

And what's a Neolithic?