Current favourite jokes

[johncorrigan]

Andy Zaltzman on Radio 4's 'News Quiz' this evening: 'The French Election was livened up when a pair of musicians had a fight with a baker. The musicians hit the baker over the head with their instruments. The baker responded by hitting them over the head with sticks of bread. Whereupon the musicians proceeded to once again hit the baker over the head with their instruments...which only goes to prove that violins baguettes violins.'

[Padraig]

Andy Zaltzman on Radio 4's 'News Quiz' this evening: 'The French Election was livened up when a pair of musicians had a fight with a baker. The musicians hit the baker over the head with their instruments. The baker responded by hitting them over the head with sticks of bread. Whereupon the musicians proceeded to once again hit the baker over the head with their instruments...which only goes to prove that violins baguettes violins.'

fiddlesticks!

[Serial_Apologist]

"When somebody says it drives me nuts, I used to think maybe they had a steering wheel in their pants!"

Jemma Forte on The Jeremy Vine show on CH5 this morning.

[kernelbogey]

I am indebted to Jay Rayner of the Observer for the news that the new chief restaurant officer for McDonald’s in the UK and Ireland is Zoe Hamburger.

[Serial_Apologist]

I am indebted to Jay Rayner of the Observer for the news that the new chief restaurant officer for McDonald’s in the UK and Ireland is Zoe Hamburger.

For myself, I would have no beef with that.

[LMcD]

I carried out a couple of polls on the campsite last night. 100% of the people in the tents were unhappy.

[Serial_Apologist]

I carried out a couple of polls on the campsite last night. 100% of the people in the tents were unhappy.

Only one - and his name was Malcolm Tents.

[johncorrigan]

Only one - and his name was Malcolm Tents.

[vinteuil]

.

... from The Times this morning -

'a legend of country music has become the latest celebrity to go into viniculture.
“Dolly Parton is selling her own Hillbilly wine. It must be good — it says Appalachian Controlée on the label.”... '

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[Pulcinella]

.

... from The Times this morning -

'a legend of country music has become the latest celebrity to go into viniculture.
“Dolly Parton is selling her own Hillbilly wine. It must be good — it says Appalachian Controlée on the label.”... '

.

Where does it spring from?

[Serial_Apologist]

Where does it spring from?

From the land of cope?

[burning dog]

Joke in Private Eye

"This is the first presidential election where neither candidate is white"

[kernelbogey]

Joke in Private Eye

"This is the first presidential election where neither candidate is white"

[Parry1912]

I’m so concerned about graffiti in public toilets I just signed a partition.

[Nick Armstrong]

.

... from The Times this morning -

'a legend of country music has become the latest celebrity to go into viniculture.
“Dolly Parton is selling her own Hillbilly wine. It must be good — it says Appalachian Controlée on the label.”... '

.