Current favourite jokes

[johncorrigan]

Do you happen to be one of the Moonies?

I didn't have to divulge exactly which part of the anatomy the spots inhabited, S_A.

[LMcD]

Putin invites a group of students to ask him a question on absolutely any subject.
A rather nervous Igor asks him 'Why did you annex Crimea and why did you invade Ukraine?'
At this point the dinner bell rings. The students file out.
When the students return, Putin repeats his invitation.
An emboldened Igor asks him 'Why did you annex Crimea, why did you invade Ukraine, why was our lunch cold AGAIN and why does Olga prefer Dimitri to me?''

[johncorrigan]

I bumped into one of my friends earlier in Asda. She told me she was annoyed at all the budget leaks, as it has completely ruined the element of disappointment.

[richardfinegold]

I am making dinner tonight and I just ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon. I’ll let you know which arrives first.

Speaking of food purchases, how much does a Pirate pay for corn? A buck an ear

[LMcD]

Two different definitions of 'webtoon' on this afternoon's 'Countdown'
Susie Dent: an animated cartoon shown on line
Rory Bremner: where spiders live in Newcastle.

[Serial_Apologist]

Two different definitions of 'webtoon' on this afternoon's 'Countdown'
Susie Dent: an animated cartoon shown on line
Rory Bremner: where spiders live in Newcastle.

[johncorrigan]

Not a joke, but Mark Steel doing George Galloway on this weeks' 'News Quiz' on BBC Radio 4 was hilarious. It's about fifteen minutes in.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001wy2d

[Serial_Apologist]

Not a joke, but Mark Steel doing George Galloway on this weeks' 'News Quiz' on BBC Radio 4 was hilarious. It's about fifteen minutes in.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001wy2d

Indeed it was, from our local lefty comedian! And it was also a considerable upping of the really funny quotient following several weeks when so-called right-wing "satirists" such as Geoff Northcott, who never really cut it, had raised only forced audience applause. I couldn't help feeling that the inclusion of Mark was down to it being the final in this run of The News Quiz.

[gurnemanz]

From today's Private Eye

Michael Sheen opens in new play about the birth of the NHS.

If you want to see it, there's a long waiting list.

[kernelbogey]

Not a joke, but Mark Steel doing George Galloway on this weeks' 'News Quiz' on BBC Radio 4 was hilarious. It's about fifteen minutes in.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001wy2d

Yes, and I think Andy Zaltzman said something like it made the whole series worthwhile.

And btw Martin Handley did a not bad impression of Clint Eastwood in Sunday Breakfast, too.

[Serial_Apologist]

From today's Private Eye

Michael Sheen opens in new play about the birth of the NHS.

If you want to see it, there's a long waiting list.

[LMcD]

Indeed it was, from our local lefty comedian! And it was also a considerable upping of the really funny quotient following several weeks when so-called right-wing "satirists" such as Geoff Northcott, who never really cut it, had raised only forced audience applause. I couldn't help feeling that the inclusion of Mark was down to it being the final in this run of The News Quiz.

I thought Geoff Norcott (same chap?) did a good job on BBC2 last night when he addressed the question of the value of a university education.

[Serial_Apologist]

I thought Geoff Norcott (same chap?) did a good job on BBC2 last night when he addressed the question of the value of a university education.

Ah, see, I missed that! Yep, same chap.

[Pulcinella]

A letter in today's Times:

Sir, As parrots have been allocated the collective noun of “pandemonium” (letter, Mar 15), may I propose that a group of parakeets be referred to as a polyphony?
Tom Stubbs
Surbiton, Surrey

[vinteuil]

... for those who have tried to follow instructions for caramelising onions -

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/picture/2024/mar/15/the-caramelised-onion-recipe-con-the-stephen-collins-cartoon

.