Current favourite jokes

[johncorrigan]

I arrived early in the restaurant and the manager said, 'Do you mind waiting a bit?'
I replied, 'No, not at all.'
'Great,' he said. 'Take these drinks to table nine.'

[burning dog]

This could have been in bad taste but I think it avoids that...

[jayne lee wilson]

The Tom Gauld cartoon in the New Scientist for 27/11/21 shows a white-coated boffin on a barren planetary landscape, handing a bowl of something, complete with spoon, to a hairless, red-headed alien in a full-length cloak.

Caption:
"Thanks to a typo in the contract, the Professor gained complete mastery of All the Knowledge in The Heavens and The Earth, in exchange for his Soup...."

[Bryn]

The Tom Gauld cartoon in the New Scientist for 27/11/21 shows a white-coated boffin on a barren planetary landscape, handing a bowl of something, complete with spoon, to a hairless, red-headed alien in a full-length cloak.

Caption:
"Thanks to a typo in the contract, the Professor gained complete mastery of All the Knowledge in The Heavens and The Earth, in exchange for his Soup...."

I will have to pop into Waitrose to have a look.

[Nick Armstrong]

[Serial_Apologist]

Double bow-fronted property? - probably Regency.

[jayne lee wilson]

I will have to pop into Waitrose to have a look.

Maybe pick up some Chicken Soup for the Soul while you're there....

[Bryn]

Maybe pick up some Chicken Soup for the Soul while you're there....

I'll make do with a complimentary copy of the Grauniad, I think, despite having to buy another £2.30 worth of other items than when the coffee machines were in use. I'm sure I can find £7.51 worth of tasty items on promotion or on the short-dated shelf. I'm overloaded with their malt whisky and whiskey offers at the moment.

[Boilk]

I'll make do with a complimentary copy of the Grauniad, I think, despite having to buy another £2.30 worth of other items than when the coffee machines were in use. I'm sure I can find £7.51 worth of tasty items on promotion or on the short-dated shelf. I'm overloaded with their malt whisky and whiskey offers at the moment.

I realised only 2 weeks ago that Waitrose's £10.00 (£10.01?) threshold for a free newspaper can INCLUDE the cost of said paper. For the last 18 months each Sunday I was spending £10 excluding the cost of the paper

[gurnemanz]

I realised only 2 weeks ago that Waitrose's £10.00 (£10.01?) threshold for a free newspaper can INCLUDE the cost of said paper. For the last 18 months each Sunday I was spending £10 excluding the cost of the paper

My wife is the shopping specialist and also made that discovery - a while ago now - so buying the Observer, you only actually need to spend £6.50, though this amount is usually comfortably exceeded anyway. The Observer has become our only printed newspaper with enough substance in it to last the week, also with quite a useful basic TV guide.

[johncorrigan]

Heard the Krankies on 'World at One' today...it's a pantomime out there, so they told a joke.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
The people in Dubai don't like the Flintstones, but folk in Abu Dhabi do.

[johncorrigan]

Dry January's dragging on a bit.

[Serial_Apologist]

No sweat!!!

[cloughie]

Dry January's dragging on a bit.

Don’t worry - rain forecast tomorrow!

[Nick Armstrong]