Current favourite jokes

[LMcD]

Hotel guest: 'What's this awful mess you've just placed in front of us?'
Waitress: 'It's bean casserole'
Hotel Guest: 'I don't care what it's been - what's it supposed to be now?'

[oddoneout]

"Truss supports Hancock"
The headline that sadly the local rag resisted the temptation to put out about one of the local MPs.

[Padraig]

Overheard at the Pool:

''Give me a girl's name - any girl - and I'll sing a song with her name in it''.

" Yvonne"

" Happy Birthday dear Yvonne, Happy Birthday to you".

[Serial_Apologist]

Overheard at the Pool:

''Give me a girl's name - any girl - and I'll sing a song with her name in it''.

" Yvonne"

" Happy Birthday dear Yvonne, Happy Birthday to you".

Must have over-inhaled the chlorine then.

[vinteuil]

.

"I went to Poole on holiday"

"In Dorset?"

"Yes I can thoroughly recommend it"
.




I’ll get my coat

.

[Serial_Apologist]

.

"I went to Poole on holiday"

"In Dorset?"

"Yes I can thoroughly recommend it"
.




I’ll get my coat

.

(I didn't get that yesterday! )

"The Ultra-Low Emission Zone expands from 25 October 2021" - in the latest communiqué from Southwark Council.

This always happens, without exception, and every year: it really is high time now to shed a few pounds.

[vinteuil]

"The Ultra-Low Emission Zone expands from 25 October 2021" - in the latest communiqué from Southwark Council.

This always happens, without exception, and every year: it really is high time now to shed a few pounds.

`
... but will Higher Emissions help you shed them pounds? Beanz iz good, but...

.

[Serial_Apologist]

`
... but will Higher Emissions help you shed them pounds? Beanz iz good, but...

.

Heinz sight will be too late, alas!

[LMcD]

`
... but will Higher Emissions help you shed them pounds? Beanz iz good, but...

.

I thought Mel Brooks had proved beyond doubt that beans definitely lead to higher emissions.

[Serial_Apologist]

I thought Mel Brooks had proved beyond doubt that beans definitely lead to higher emissions.

Far too many, yes.

[LeMartinPecheur]

.

"I went to Poole on holiday"

"In Dorset?"

The question isn't entirely fanciful. When first working in Cornwall I was told that I should consult a tyre expert in Poole, as I heard it. When my eyebrows went up I was informed that this Pool near Redruth! And in my new location I've just discovered that Welshpool was originally Pool but got its extra syllable to avoid confusion with the Dorset one.

[gradus]

"Truss supports Hancock"
The headline that sadly the local rag resisted the temptation to put out about one of the local MPs.

The Sun missed that one.

[Serial_Apologist]

The Sun missed that one.

For The Sun that would just have been a jock strapline.

[LMcD]

For The Sun that would just have been a jock strapline.

Excellent! Thinking outside, and yet inside, the box?

[Bryn]

Excellent! Thinking outside, and yet inside, the box?

No sweat, Oh, on second thoughts . . .