Current favourite jokes

[Serial_Apologist]

....oooohw creamy....copelandesque.arrangement....i feel the need for a Joni rest of the morning....better call the Yellow Taxi to blissful nostalgia....but not remember too much about what really went on in the 70's....

Very nice - but why is it a current favourite joke?

A question worth a raisin.

[Serial_Apologist]

Wealthy Russian wanting to buy expensive London house asks the estate agent, "What about the local taxes?" "Oh, I'm afraid have to tell you they're around £2,000" replies the agent. "Per month?" asks the Russian. "No, per year" answers the agent. The Russian just laughs.

[gurnemanz]

A question worth a raisin.

A man actually drowned in a cake mix - pulled under by a strong currant.

[LMcD]

The reference elsewhere on the Forum to 'flatter bridges' reminded me of the local tourist guide who, with a straight face, assured his flock that many of the bridges near and on farms in these parts are pretty flat because Suffolk Punches are pretty heavy horses.

[LHC]

Wealthy Russian wanting to buy expensive London house asks the estate agent, "What about the local taxes?" "Oh, I'm afraid have to tell you they're around £2,000" replies the agent. "Per month?" asks the Russian. "No, per year" answers the agent. The Russian just laughs.

Not really a joke, more a reflection of reality.

On the other hand, when Andrey Arshavin joined Arsenal on a salary of £80,000 a week, he asked to renegotiate his contract after being ‘unpleasantly surprised’ that he would have to pay income tax on his salary. Apparently he hadn’t taken full account of this when negotiating his initial salary, and had therefore ended up on less money than his previous contract in Russia, where income tax was set at 13%.

[Serial_Apologist]

Apparently Tory MP Nadine Dorries claims that the government has created 180,000 jobs in Hartlepool - a town with a population of 92,000 people.

http://www.facebook.com/nobodylikesatory/posts/410612517100790

[LMcD]

Apparently Tory MP Nadine Dorries claims that the government has created 180,000 jobs in Hartlepool - a town with a population of 92,000 people.

http://www.facebook.com/nobody/likes...10612517100790

She probably gets her data from the Home Secretary.

[ahinton]

She probably gets her data from the Home Secretary.

...whose understanding of figures is already well known to be gravely compromised...

[Padraig]

...whose understanding of figures is already well known to be gravely compromised...

. . . you mean - she buries her mistakes?

[johncorrigan]

. . . you mean - she buries her mistakes?

She just makes an 'earse of things, Padraig!

[vinteuil]

.

Exercise for people over 60

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface,
where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend
your arms straight out from your sides and
hold them there as long as you can. Try to
reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this
position for just a bit longer. After a couple
of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then
eventually try to get to where you can lift a
100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold
your arms straight for more than a full
minute. (I’m now at this level.)



After you feel confident at that level, put a
potato in each bag.

.

[gradus]

.

Exercise for people over 60

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface,
where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend
your arms straight out from your sides and
hold them there as long as you can. Try to
reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this
position for just a bit longer. After a couple
of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then
eventually try to get to where you can lift a
100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold
your arms straight for more than a full
minute. (I’m now at this level.)



After you feel confident at that level, put a
potato in each bag.

.

My kind of exercise.

[Serial_Apologist]

.

exercise for people over 60

begin by standing on a comfortable surface,
where you have plenty of room at each side.

With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend
your arms straight out from your sides and
hold them there as long as you can. Try to
reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this
position for just a bit longer. After a couple
of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags.

Then try 50-lb potato bags and then
eventually try to get to where you can lift a
100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold
your arms straight for more than a full
minute. (i’m now at this level.)



after you feel confident at that level, put a
potato in each bag.

.

A hand bag???????????????????????

[johncorrigan]

My brother said he wanted something that would go from nought to a hundred and fifty in less than six seconds...so I bought him a set of bathroom scales!

[Serial_Apologist]

My brother said he wanted something that would go from nought to a hundred and fifty in less than six seconds...so I bought him a set of bathroom scales!

Then they would have had to be major scales.

(Don't worry, I'm off to bed now!).