Current favourite jokes

[johncorrigan]

Guy comes into the doctor's. The Doc says, 'What seems to be the problem?'
The Guy says, 'Doctor I think I'm a moth!'
Doc says, 'Sorry there's nothing I can do for you. I'll need to send you to the Psychiatrist!'
The Guy says,' Oh, I was on my way there but I saw your light was on.'

[Serial_Apologist]

A man heard the advice in an advert 'Go to work on an Egg'. When he got to work he told his friends what he has done. "It wouldn't start" he said "but I pulled out the yolk and it's all white now".

In the olden days, an advert for washing powder stated, "Omo Washes Whiter!" "How can anything be whiter than white?", my old man would ask!

[Stillhomewardbound]

The following from Barry Cryer via Simon Hoggart ...

A man bought one of the first available bottles of liquid viagra. When he got it home he realised that it was very similar to the bottle of tippex on his desk. 'Better not confuse these two', he thought, but of course he did and he woke up the next morning with a great big correction!!

I thank you.

[Bryn]

In the olden days, an advert for washing powder stated, "Omo Washes Whiter!" "How can anything be whiter than white?", my old man would ask!

AH, but Daz had the blue whitener.

[Serial_Apologist]

The following from Barry Cryer via Simon Hoggart ...

A man bought one of the first available bottles of liquid viagra. When he got it home he realised that it was very similar to the bottle of tippex on his desk. 'Better not confuse these two', he thought, but of course he did and he woke up the next morning with a great big correction!!

I thank you.

A BBC interviewer in Mumbai is asking locals their opinions on the day's elections. "The last one I had was before bleakfast", he is told.

(If anyone complains of racism, I agree to remove this, er, joke)

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

In the olden days, an advert for washing powder stated, "Omo Washes Whiter!" "How can anything be whiter than white?", my old man would ask!

No! Omo was not white. It was "Omo bright"!

You can still buy Omo in France.

[vinteuil]

persil.

https://www.adhistory.wikispaces.com/Persil

[Serial_Apologist]

persil.

www.adhistory.wikispaces.com/Persil

Oh yes - thank you vinteuil - that composer...

[johncorrigan]

persil.

www.adhistory.wikispaces.com/Persil

The guy who had persil on top of his TV 'cos he didnae have any ariel!

[Petrushka]

Another long-time favourite:

A man escapes from the local lunatic asylum by going down a laundary chute. On the way out he rapes two women before fleeing into the countryside.

The headline in next day's paper read: NUT SCREWS WASHERS AND BOLTS!

[Ferretfancy]

Courtesy T Cooper --

MAN "Doctor if I raise my arm just like this, I get a terrible pain"
DOCTOR "Well, don't do it then "

DOCTOR " I'm very sorry, Mr Jones, I'm afraid you've only got four minutes left to live"
MR JONES " Four minutes? That's terrible, can't you do anything for me ? "
DOCTOR "I can do you a boiled egg!"

[StephenO]

Another antique -

A man goes into the doctor's and says "Doctor, doctor, I keep having a dream where I think I'm a famous Welsh singer."
"Don't worry," says the doctor, "I know what the problem is. You've got Tom Jones syndrome."
"Tom Jones syndrome?'" asks the man. "Is that common?"
"Well," says the doctor, breaking into song, "It's Not Unusual."

[Russ]

http://twitpic.com/6cltbx

[Stillhomewardbound]

That will have been about the same time as the unravelling of the Bush/Gore presidential race when Japan sent several thousand tonnes of viagra to the US because they'd heard they'd been having problems with their .... I'll get me coat!

[doversoul1]

That will have been about the same time as the unravelling of the Bush/Gore presidential race when Japan sent several thousand tonnes of viagra to the US because they'd heard they'd been having problems with their .... I'll get me coat!

あはは