Current favourite jokes

[Serial_Apologist]

A minister was delivering a sermon on the evils of drink.

"If I had all the beer in the world I would take it and pour it into the river," he said, with enormous emphasis.

Pounding his fists, he shouted "If I had all the wine in the world I would take it and pour that into the river too!"

He raised himself to his full height and screamed to the congregation "If I had all the whiskey in the world I would take it and pour that into that river!"

Panting and red-faced, he sat down.

The music leader then got up saying

"Please stand for our final song - Shall We Gather At The River"

Lovely . It reminds me of the one about the absent-minded vicar who decides to preach a sermon on the Feeding of the Five Thousand - at the conclusion of which he announces in stentorian tones: "Nobody but The Lord could have done this" - at which a voice at the back of the congregation shouts out, "I could have done it!"

"What did you think of that wicked man shouting like that and claiming he could have done what only The Lord could have done?" he asked his wife afterwards. "Well dear, you did rather get things the wrong way around: you spoke of feeding five people with five thousand loaves and fishes". "Oh did I? Dear me; then I must re-preach that same sermon next Sunday and make sure I get it right, then".

And so he does - this time making absolutely sure he makes no mistakes in the telling. But, when he reaches the conclusion, and states, "Nobody but The Lord could have done this", that same voice pips up at the back of the church, saying, "I could have done it!" "Very well then", the preacher starts, "and perhaps you can tell us HOW you could have done it?" "With the leftovers from last week", comes the reply.

[Roslynmuse]

Love it, S_A!

[Bryn]

Not really a recent joke but when I saw this on FB, I could not resist chasing it up:

https://it.clementoni.com/products/smack-lab

[johncorrigan]

What does a donkey in Blackpool get for its lunch?

Half-an-hour!

[Dave2002]

Doesn't look like a joke, but maybe this article will have you rolling about on the floor ....

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/why-menu-translations-go-terribly-wrong

[johncorrigan]

A Priest, a Rabbit and a Minister walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says, 'I think I'm a type O.'

[Bryn]

A Priest, a Rabbit and a Minister walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says, 'I think I'm a type O.'

[Dave2002]

Another not quite joke - https://youtu.be/JREE37Q5cNM but amusing, and clever, nevertheless.

[Serial_Apologist]

Another not quite joke - https://youtu.be/JREE37Q5cNM but amusing, and clever, nevertheless.

Ther'es a whole follow-on series of those, I see.

[Edgy 2]

I watched Streamdance today.
It's an Irish dancing show, not quite as good as Riverdance but then it is only a tributary act.

[Bryn]

Not at all funny, but a decidedly sick joke from Aunty: https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-e...-b1816326.html

[oddoneout]

The Guardian has published some extracts from Michael Rosen's book about his experience of Covid. https://www.theguardian.com/books/20...-covid-extract
This made me smile.

Rehab
They’ve been worried
about my low blood pressure
but they’ve brought me the Daily Mail
so it’ll be fine in just a moment.

[johncorrigan]

The Guardian has published some extracts from Michael Rosen's book about his experience of Covid. https://www.theguardian.com/books/20...-covid-extract
This made me smile.

When the Queen goes, make Michael Rosen head of state, I say...he is a total inspiration!

[Joseph K]

When the Queen goes, make Michael Rosen head of state, I say...he is a total inspiration!

[Nimrod]