Current favourite jokes

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  • LMcD
    Full Member
    • Sep 2017
    • 8113

    Customer, who's standing by the jukebox in this bar: 'What have you got by The Doors?'
    Bar owner: 'A mop and a broom'.

    Comment

    • oddoneout
      Full Member
      • Nov 2015
      • 8970

      Norwich detectives’ hunt for prolific burglar to feature in new TV show
      I missed the apostrophe when I was skimming the headlines...

      Comment

      • LMcD
        Full Member
        • Sep 2017
        • 8113

        Originally posted by oddoneout View Post
        I missed the apostrophe when I was skimming the headlines...
        Even with the apostrophe it's still delightfully ambiguous if you read it as a headline rather than a complete sentence! Perhaps the burglar stole a march on them.

        Comment

        • Serial_Apologist
          Full Member
          • Dec 2010
          • 37324

          Originally posted by LMcD View Post
          Even with the apostrophe it's still delightfully ambiguous if you read it as a headline rather than a complete sentence! Perhaps the burglar stole a march on them.
          In March he would have been on lockdown, though...

          Comment

          • Bryn
            Banned
            • Mar 2007
            • 24688

            Comment

            • LeMartinPecheur
              Full Member
              • Apr 2007
              • 4717

              E-news headline this morning: "UK will be ‘world leader’ in wind, PM promises."

              One promise he's already delivered on, surely?
              I keep hitting the Escape key, but I'm still here!

              Comment

              • Bryn
                Banned
                • Mar 2007
                • 24688

                Originally posted by LeMartinPecheur View Post
                E-news headline this morning: "UK will be ‘world leader’ in wind, PM promises."

                One promise he's already delivered on, surely?
                Trumped, indeed.

                Comment

                • Serial_Apologist
                  Full Member
                  • Dec 2010
                  • 37324

                  Originally posted by Bryn View Post
                  Trumped, indeed.
                  You could bet your bottom dollar!

                  Comment

                  • Bryn
                    Banned
                    • Mar 2007
                    • 24688

                    Originally posted by Serial_Apologist View Post
                    You could bet your bottom dollar!
                    "The railways we're building", 'the ancient woodland we're uprooting'.

                    Comment

                    • LHC
                      Full Member
                      • Jan 2011
                      • 1539

                      Originally posted by Bryn View Post
                      In the same vein, pictures are emerging of Trump receiving treatment at hospital

                      "I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square."
                      Lady Bracknell The importance of Being Earnest

                      Comment

                      • Bryn
                        Banned
                        • Mar 2007
                        • 24688

                        Originally posted by LHC View Post
                        In the same vein, pictures are emerging of Trump receiving treatment at hospital
                        "We will not see diseases like the coronavirus come here . . . and isn't it refreshing when contrasting it with the awful presidency of President Obama?"

                        Who said that?

                        None other than White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany (currently infected) on February 23rd this year.

                        Comment

                        • Dave2002
                          Full Member
                          • Dec 2010
                          • 17952

                          Originally posted by LHC View Post
                          In the same vein, pictures are emerging of Trump receiving treatment at hospital
                          There was a good cartoon a day or two back (Times?) showing DT bending over and self injecting with bleach. Good if you can find it.

                          In the meantime here are some oldies - https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...infectant.html

                          Not everything in the Daily Wail is bad!

                          Comment

                          • LMcD
                            Full Member
                            • Sep 2017
                            • 8113

                            Originally posted by Dave2002 View Post
                            There was a good cartoon a day or two back (Times?) showing DT bending over and self injecting with bleach. Good if you can find it.

                            In the meantime here are some oldies - https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...infectant.html

                            Not everything in the Daily Wail is bad!
                            Yes, this EXTREMELY DISRESPECTFUL image of The Donald (as John Culshaw calls him) appeared in last Saturday's 'Times'. You could say The President was the butt of the joke.

                            Comment

                            • Bryn
                              Banned
                              • Mar 2007
                              • 24688

                              What's orange on the outside, hollow on the inside and should be thrown out in November?

                              See Facebook for the all too obvious answer.

                              Comment

                              • LHC
                                Full Member
                                • Jan 2011
                                • 1539

                                "I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square."
                                Lady Bracknell The importance of Being Earnest

                                Comment

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