Current favourite jokes

[Pulcinella]

Nominative determinism is always good for a smile...
This is from a Guardian article about unsolicited seed packages

Mr Clover is in competition with Keith Weed, the President of the RHS!

[DracoM]

And is Worzel Gummidge i/c judges?

[ardcarp]

Nah. That's Bob Flowerdew.

[Serial_Apologist]

Nah. That's Bob Flowerdew.

The man who, if you gave him a thorough carpetting, would thank you very much!

[Richard Barrett]

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the Tube. He went from Barking to Tooting in half an hour.

[LMcD]

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the Tube. He went from Barking to Tooting in half an hour.

A Tony Blackburn Special!

[Dave2002]

I taught my dog to play the trumpet on the Tube. He went from Barking to Tooting in half an hour.

Ouch!

[Richard Barrett]

A Tony Blackburn Special!

Nothing but the best.

[Padraig]

Nothing but the best.

I thought yours was better, R. It's the way you tell them. Boom boom!

[LMcD]

I thought - mistakenly - that my wife was congratulating me on the speed and efficiency of my DIY efforts when she said 'You hammer like lightning'.' Why, thank you dear', I said. 'No, you don't understand', she said. 'You never strike the same place twice'.

[Richard Barrett]

Genie: I shall grant you three wishes.
Aladdin: I wish for a world without lawyers.
Genie: Done. You have no more wishes.
Aladdin: But you said I had three!
Genie: So sue me.

[oddoneout]

From comments BTL John Crace's column in the Guardian yesterday. https://www.theguardian.com/politics...-and-his-owner

"Mutant algorithm". Is that Johnson's pet name for Cummings?

[Serial_Apologist]

While out shopping earlier, I suddenly thought up a really good advertising strap line for Warburton's Farmhouse Soft Bread:

WHITE LOAVES MATTER!

I'd be really surprised if no one else has thought up that one.

The girl on the checkout thought it would go down well.

[LMcD]

While out shopping earlier, I suddenly thought up a really good advertising strap line for Warburton's Farmhouse Soft Bread:

WHITE LOAVES MATTER!

I'd be really surprised if no one else has thought up that one.

The girl on the checkout thought it would go down well.

Crumbs!

[Bryn]

While out shopping earlier, I suddenly thought up a really good advertising strap line for Warburton's Farmhouse Soft Bread:

WHITE LOAVES MATTER!

I'd be really surprised if no one else has thought up that one.

The girl on the checkout thought it would go down well.

That should slash their sales figures.