Current favourite jokes

[LMcD]

That's offal news!

Especially for supporters of Liverpool and Hearts.

[johncorrigan]

Especially for supporters of Liverpool and Hearts.

Ah kidney comment on that, L.

[Padraig]

Ah kidney comment on that, L.

Well done John, lung may your repartee prevail.

[LeMartinPecheur]

I've barely the heart to express an opinion, but this thread is turning into utter tripe! A lung, lung time since the last decent joke...

[johncorrigan]

I've barely the heart to express an opinion, but this thread is turning into utter tripe! A lung, lung time since the last decent joke...

No need to be full of bile about it, LMP.

[LezLee]

An old favourite of mine:

Duck walks into a shop.

"Got any bread?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"
"Listen, if you don't stop asking me for bread I'm going to nail your beak to the floor."
"Got any nails?"
"No"
"Got any bread?"

[hmvman]

There's going to be a round of applause to show support for couriers and delivery drivers tomorrow.
It will be some time between 9am and 5pm.

[Dave2002]

Shouldn't that have been one^+? Often one^* includes zero (i.e. no people ...) in regular expression syntax. Here ^ is supposed to indicate superscripts, which I don't think I can do in this message board within the syntax which is available - though I could it in images.

Mmm that's a bit of a mess - maybe I'll have to do images.

Sorry to be so pedantic - https://www.computerhope.com/unix/regex-quickref.htm

PS: now I'm waiting for another pedant to point out the inaccuracy in what I've just written - whether it refers to:

nil, one, one one, one one one, ...

in other words the sequence of words, or the objects which the words refer to. Oh isn't this fun?

Ah - but in this poster the star refers to the footnote - in very small print.

[ahinton]

Shouldn't that have been one^+? Often one^* includes zero (i.e. no people ...) in regular expression syntax. Here ^ is supposed to indicate superscripts, which I don't think I can do in this message board within the syntax which is available - though I could it in images.

Mmm that's a bit of a mess - maybe I'll have to do images.

Sorry to be so pedantic - https://www.computerhope.com/unix/regex-quickref.htm

PS: now I'm waiting for another pedant to point out the inaccuracy in what I've just written - whether it refers to:

nil, one, one one, one one one, ...

in other words the sequence of words, or the objects which the words refer to. Oh isn't this fun?

Ah - but in this poster the star refers to the footnote - in very small print.

Can anyone be certain that HM the Queen didn't write this?

Maybe she'll let on later this evening. Or maybe not...

[johncorrigan]

There's going to be a round of applause to show support for couriers and delivery drivers tomorrow.
It will be some time between 9am and 5pm.

[johncorrigan]

Not a joke, but it made me laugh, and my old Mum even more. A woman wrote into a radio show today. They were talking about Easter type things. She said that she had been in Norwich Cathedral gift shop and overheard the following:
Visitor: Do you have any crucifixes?
Shop attendant: Yes. We have two types. Plain ones and ones with a little man on them.

[teamsaint]

Lol'd at both the delivery drivers joke and the crucifixes story.

[Bryn]

Not a joke, but it made me laugh, and my old Mum even more. A woman wrote into a radio show today. They were talking about Easter type things. She said that she had been in Norwich Cathedral gift shop and overheard the following:
Visitor: Do you have any crucifixes?
Shop attendant: Yes. We have two types. Plain ones and ones with a little man on them.

[LezLee]

Sorry, but the ‘one with the wee man on it’ is a very old joke indeed!

[johncorrigan]

Sorry, but the ‘one with the wee man on it’ is a very old joke indeed!

Well me old Maw hadnae heard it, Lez. She laughed so hard down the phone. Was a joy!