Current favourite jokes

[LeMartinPecheur]

Got the text but the image comes up as "Request-URI Too Large", even when the little icon is right-clicked on and "view image" selected.

This just gets crazier! But don't worry Bryn, the image just contained the text as if on a red signboard.

First I tried pasting this image from a copy off the net (learning from previous mishaps that I shouldn't copy it directly from the email I had received on via AOL). But when I pasted the internet image into a New Message blank here, nothing showed up at all (contrast this with my previous message about what I see when I copy some images straight out of emails received via AOL). So I then typed in the text myself, assuming that was all that MB viewers would see.

I do apologise but I'm trying really hard!

EDIT ...and what I now see of this thread on my screen just gives the bare text I typed in: no image and none of the text you quote, Bryn.

[oddoneout]

Apocryphally - or apocetharily?

Neither, he's avian you on...

[LeMartinPecheur]

"I never thought I'd be taking in more alcohol through my hands than my mouth!"

[Edgy 2]

Husband:
My wife is missing.
She went out yesterday and has not come home...

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Erm, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Colour of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant:
Colour of hair?

Husband:
Changes a couple times a year.
Maybe dark brown now.
I can’t remember.

Sergeant:
What was she wearing?

Husband:
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?

Husband:
She went in my Audi

Sergeant:
What kind of Audi was it?

Husband: (sobbing)
Audi A6 Avant Black Edition,
Ambient Lighting pack - A6, Front and outer rear heated seats, Valcona leather - Lunar silver + super sport seats, 3 spoke heated sports leather multifunction steering wheel with paddle shift, LED Matrix headlights with high beam assist, Pearlescent paint, Audi drive select, Audi parking system plus with front and rear sensors, Audible and visual fasten seat belt warning - front and rear, Cruise control, Driver's information system, MMI SD card Navigation, Mobile telephone preparation, PAS, Service interval indicator, 3 point seatbelts on all seats, ABS-EBD, ASR traction control, Curtain airbags, Driver and passenger airbags, Driver-front passenger side airbags, Electromechanical parking brake, Electronic stability control, Front passenger airbag deactivation, Hill hold assist, Tyre pressure monitoring system, Warning triangle and first aid kit, Anti theft alarm, Anti-theft wheel bolts, Immobiliser, Keyless Start, Remote central locking, Audi music interface, Auxiliary input socket, DAB digital radio module, MMI Radio plus with CD player and bluetooth interface, SD card slot, USB connection, 12V power in rear centre console, 4 way electric lumbar support, 4 zone climate control, Aluminium door sill trims, Black cloth headlining, Double cargo floor, Electric front seats + driver memory, Front centre armrest, Front head restraints, Front-rear floor mats, Height adjustable front seats, Isofix front passenger and rear seat preparation, Jack and tool kit, Load lashing points, Luggage compartment cover, Luggage rails, Perforated leather gearknob, Rear headrests, Split folding rear seat, Auto dimming rear view mirror, Automatic headlights + automatic windscreen wipers, Body coloured bumpers, Body coloured door mirrors and handles, Body coloured roof spoiler, Door sill trims with S line logo, Electric front-rear windows, Headlight washers, High gloss black door mirrors, High gloss black finish B pillar, High gloss black triangular aperture at rear door, LED daytime running lights, LED rear lights, Light sensor, Platinum grey front lip spoiler, Privacy glass (to rear of B post), Rain sensor, Rear wiper, Alcantara door trim, Piano black finish inlay, Space saver spare wheel, Black Styling pack - A6 Avant, Non smoking pack - A6, Diesel particulate filter

(At this point, the sobbing has turned into a full cry.)

Sergeant:
Don't worry buddy. We'll find your car.....

[LMcD]

Today's economic climate

It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few further local businesses around our town.
The bra manufacturer has gone bust, the specialist in submersibles has gone under, the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers, the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded, the Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders, the tarmac-laying company has reached the end of the road, the bread company has run out of dough, the clock manufacturer has had to wind down and then went cuckoo, the Chinese has been taken away, the shoe shop man has had to put his foot down and given his staff the boot, and finally the launderette has been taken to the cleaners!
I had a follow up from a friend who told me that her hairdresser has cut and blown, which was hair raising.

Our local butcher is still open but his delivery boys have got the chop.

[LeMartinPecheur]

Today's economic climate

It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few further local businesses around our town.
The bra manufacturer has gone bust, the specialist in submersibles has gone under, the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers, the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded, the Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders, the tarmac-laying company has reached the end of the road, the bread company has run out of dough, the clock manufacturer had to wind down and then went cuckoo, the Chinese has been taken away, the shoe shop man has had to put his foot down and given his staff the boot, and finally the launderette has been taken to the cleaners!
I had a call a friend who told me that her hairdresser has cut and blown, which is hair-raising.

EDIT If you think LMcD has psychic gifts in replying before I posted this, it's because I deleted my first attempt thinking that as per usual it hadn't transfered - WRONG

[johncorrigan]

EDIT If you think LMcD has psychic gifts in replying before I posted this, it's because I deleted my first attempt thinking that as per usual it hadn't transfered - WRONG[/COLOR][/COLOR]

[LMcD]

Today's economic climate

It is with great sadness that I have to mention the loss of a few further local businesses around our town.
The bra manufacturer has gone bust, the specialist in submersibles has gone under, the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation, a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers, the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded, the Heinz factory has been canned as they couldn't ketchup with orders, the tarmac-laying company has reached the end of the road, the bread company has run out of dough, the clock manufacturer had to wind down and then went cuckoo, the Chinese has been taken away, the shoe shop man has had to put his foot down and given his staff the boot, and finally the launderette has been taken to the cleaners!
I had a call a friend who told me that her hairdresser has cut and blown, which is hair-raising.

EDIT If you think LMcD has psychic gifts in replying before I posted this, it's because I deleted my first attempt thinking that as per usual it hadn't transfered - WRONG

Eh?
I'm about as psychic as Daphne Moon! (Don't tell me you knew I was going to say that).

[Pulcinella]

Eh?
I'm about as psychic as Daphne Moon! (Don't tell me you knew I was going to say that).

#3322 quotes #3323, which would normally not be possible!!

[MrGongGong]

[LeMartinPecheur]

Excellent, MrGG!

Nearly forgot the crucial comma!

[Vox Humana]

.

[Serial_Apologist]

Our local butcher is still open but his delivery boys have got the chop.

They won't be celebrating with a joint then, presumably.

[johncorrigan]

Our local butcher is still open but his delivery boys have got the chop.

That's offal news!

[ahinton]

They won't be celebrating with a joint then, presumably.

They'll probably all leg it but I have no idea how they might shoulder the burden; perhaps they be sitting at home listening to the music of Robert Carver. But it won't last forever; every cloud has a silverside.