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  • Serial_Apologist
    Full Member
    • Dec 2010
    • 38087
    #3106
    Originally posted by Richard Barrett View Post
    I told my psychiatrist I keep hearing voices in my head.

    He said "you don't have a psychiatrist".


    Reminds me of another of RD Laing's, about a man suffering from delusions who was claiming himself to be God. When subjected to a liar detector test, and asked if he was God, he replied "No". To which the liar detector indicated that he was lying!

    Comment

    • johncorrigan
      Full Member
      • Nov 2010
      • 10496
      #3107

      What does Donald Trump do after he pulls a cracker? Pays her off!

      Comment

      • MrGongGong
        Full Member
        • Nov 2010
        • 18357
        #3108
        Nigel Farage walks into a pub

        "A pint of mild please barman", says Farage.

        The barman pours the pint and immediately throws it over Farage.

        "What did you do that for?" moans Farage.

        "Well you asked for a pint, but you didn't say how you wanted it delivered" says the barman.

        "Well I'd like a pint of mild and I want it delivered in a glass", says Farage.

        "I'm sorry but you can't ask again", says the barman.

        "Why not?" asks Farage.

        The barman grinned as he said, "democracy!"

        Comment

        • MrGongGong
          Full Member
          • Nov 2010
          • 18357
          #3109
          Boris Johnson - I am your King - Monty Python - The Holy Grail Parody. | Boris Johnson - I am your King - Monty Python - The Holy Grail Parody. | By Carlosmanwelly | Facebook
          https://www.facebook.com/carlosmanwelly/videos/2404390646481951/
          Boris Johnson - I am your King - Monty Python - The Holy Grail Parody.


          (You need FB to see this)

          Comment

          • Dave2002
            Full Member
            • Dec 2010
            • 18075
            #3110
            Originally posted by MrGongGong View Post
            Nigel Farage walks into a pub

            "A pint of mild please barman", says Farage.

            The barman pours the pint and immediately throws it over Farage.

            "What did you do that for?" moans Farage.

            "Well you asked for a pint, but you didn't say how you wanted it delivered" says the barman.

            "Well I'd like a pint of mild and I want it delivered in a glass", says Farage.

            "I'm sorry but you can't ask again", says the barman.

            "Why not?" asks Farage.

            The barman grinned as he said, "democracy!"

            Comment

            • LMcD
              Full Member
              • Sep 2017
              • 8893
              #3111
              'Well, I've got good news and bad news', said the doctor. 'The good news is that you're not a hypochondriac'.

              Comment

              • Serial_Apologist
                Full Member
                • Dec 2010
                • 38087
                #3112
                Originally posted by LMcD View Post
                'Well, I've got good news and bad news', said the doctor. 'The good news is that you're not a hypochondriac'.


                Reminds me of the one of the psychiatrist telling the inferiority complex-suffering patient: "You don't have to worry any more, because you really are inferior".

                Comment

                • LezLee
                  Full Member
                  • Apr 2019
                  • 634
                  #3113
                  A German Shepherd, a Doberman and a cat have died.
                  All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in.
                  The German Shepherd says: "I believe in discipline, training and loyalty to my master"
                  "Good", says God, then sit down on my right side".
                  The Doberman answers: "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master"
                  God says "Good, then sit down on my left side".
                  Then God looks at the cat and asks "What do you believe in?"
                  Says the cat: "I believe you're sitting in my seat".

                  Comment

                  • LMcD
                    Full Member
                    • Sep 2017
                    • 8893
                    #3114
                    Originally posted by LezLee View Post
                    A German Shepherd, a Doberman and a cat have died.
                    All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in.
                    The German Shepherd says: "I believe in discipline, training and loyalty to my master"
                    "Good", says God, then sit down on my right side".
                    The Doberman answers: "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master"
                    God says "Good, then sit down on my left side".
                    Then God looks at the cat and asks "What do you believe in?"
                    Says the cat: "I believe you're sitting in my seat".

                    Comment

                    • johncorrigan
                      Full Member
                      • Nov 2010
                      • 10496
                      #3115
                      Originally posted by LezLee View Post
                      A German Shepherd, a Doberman and a cat have died.
                      All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in.
                      The German Shepherd says: "I believe in discipline, training and loyalty to my master"
                      "Good", says God, then sit down on my right side".
                      The Doberman answers: "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master"
                      God says "Good, then sit down on my left side".
                      Then God looks at the cat and asks "What do you believe in?"
                      Says the cat: "I believe you're sitting in my seat".
                      I'm surprised the cat waited for the dogs to finish, Lez.

                      Comment

                      • johncorrigan
                        Full Member
                        • Nov 2010
                        • 10496
                        #3116
                        I nearly got knocked off my bike by a Council salt spreader last night. 'Watch what you're doing', I shouted through gritted teeth.

                        Comment

                        • Serial_Apologist
                          Full Member
                          • Dec 2010
                          • 38087
                          #3117
                          Originally posted by johncorrigan View Post
                          I nearly got knocked off my bike by a Council salt spreader last night. 'Watch what you're doing', I shouted through gritted teeth.


                          He should be charged with a salt.

                          Comment

                          • Edgy 2
                            Guest
                            • Jan 2019
                            • 2035
                            #3118
                            Old but gold

                            My dad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray.

                            He was a seasoned veteran.
                            “Music is the best means we have of digesting time." — Igor Stravinsky

                            Comment

                            • Serial_Apologist
                              Full Member
                              • Dec 2010
                              • 38087
                              #3119
                              Originally posted by Edgy 2 View Post
                              Old but gold

                              My dad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray.

                              He was a seasoned veteran.

                              Comment

                              • MrGongGong
                                Full Member
                                • Nov 2010
                                • 18357
                                #3120
                                I'll leave this here

                                Comment

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