Current favourite jokes

[Serial_Apologist]

A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow: "Do you mind if I say a word?" The widow says "Please do." The man clears his throat and says "Plethora." The widow replies "Thanks. That means a lot."

Say it with flowers. It with flowers.

[gurnemanz]

A farmer decided to put an announcement in the local paper when his beloved wife died after many years of happy marriage. He phoned them up and dictated his heartfelt tribute. When he had finished, he was told he could have four more words for the same price. So he thought about it for a moment and said: "Tractor also for sale".

[johncorrigan]

This one has been voted top gag at the Edinburgh Fringe:
"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets." (not bad, I thought)

I liked this one from the short list: "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course; that's 20 cows!'"

[vinteuil]

This one has been voted top gag at the Edinburgh Fringe:
"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets." (not bad, I thought)

I liked this one from the short list: "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course; that's 20 cows!'"

... I prefer that cowboy joke to the florets one.

I also liked :

"I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts"


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[LezLee]

https://static.knittingparadise.com/upload/2019/8/18/t1-484829-7250_8029944343492034560_n.jpg

[Serial_Apologist]

https://static.knittingparadise.com/...92034560_n.jpg

Native American humor, I imagine!

[Dave2002]

Native American humor, I imagine!

Took me a few seconds to figure that singing it helps! Very drole.

[johncorrigan]

https://static.knittingparadise.com/...92034560_n.jpg

One of the best I elver heard, Lez - glad you slipped it in there!

[LMcD]

One of the best I elver heard, Lez - glad you slipped it in there!

[johncorrigan]

I have just been reminded that when Bobby Zamorra played for Fulham, the fans used to sing: 'If you're up in row Z, and the ball hits your head, that's Zamorra!'

[LeMartinPecheur]

I have just been reminded that when Bobby Zamorra played for Fulham, the fans used to sing: 'If you're up in row Z, and the ball hits your head, that's Zamorra!'

Tribute to the power of his shot, or its inaccuracy?

I do remember his name and have a hazy notion it was probably the former, but confirmation welcome!

[johncorrigan]

Tribute to the power of his shot, or its inaccuracy?

I do remember his name and have a hazy notion it was probably the former, but confirmation welcome!

Latter, I imagine...but meant in a kinda celebratory way!

[richardfinegold]

2 elephants are walking down the street and encounter a naked human male walking in the other direction. One Pachyderm turns to the other and says
"I don't understand. How does he eat with that thing?"

[Richard Tarleton]

This one has been voted top gag at the Edinburgh Fringe:
"I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets." (not bad, I thought)

The Tourette's Society have asked for an apology....

The sort of issue upon which, in this day and age, I find myself completely unable to form an opinion I'd be sure about, so merely pass this on for consideration. It's only thanks to their complaint that I've understood the joke

[LeMartinPecheur]

The Tourette's Society have asked for an apology....

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How long before we ban all jokes about people Probably about animals too now I think about it.