Current favourite jokes

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  • Nick Armstrong
    Host
    • Nov 2010
    • 26445

    Originally posted by ahinton View Post
    Sat is the question...
    "...the isle is full of noises,
    Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
    Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
    Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

    Comment

    • EdgeleyRob
      Guest
      • Nov 2010
      • 12180

      Originally posted by Caliban View Post
      They've just brought out a Shakespearian Sat Nav. It gets you from A to B, or not to B.
      Yorkshire Constabulary have had all of their sat navs stolen. A spokesman said that they are still searching for Leeds.

      Comment

      • ferneyhoughgeliebte
        Gone fishin'
        • Sep 2011
        • 30163

        Originally posted by EdgeleyRob View Post
        Yorkshire Constabulary have had all of their sat navs stolen. A spokesman said that they are still searching for Leeds.
        [FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]

        Comment

        • Richard Barrett
          Guest
          • Jan 2016
          • 6259

          I went to the zoo and there was only one animal, a dog. It was a Shih Tzu.

          Comment

          • Nick Armstrong
            Host
            • Nov 2010
            • 26445

            Originally posted by Richard Barrett View Post
            I went to the zoo and there was only one animal, a dog. It was a Shih Tzu.



            ...


            "...the isle is full of noises,
            Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
            Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
            Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

            Comment

            • Nick Armstrong
              Host
              • Nov 2010
              • 26445




              "...the isle is full of noises,
              Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
              Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
              Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

              Comment

              • Dave2002
                Full Member
                • Dec 2010
                • 17949

                Originally posted by Caliban View Post



                Ah, that explains it!

                Comment

                • Jonathan
                  Full Member
                  • Mar 2007
                  • 941

                  From the Framley Examiner if I'm not mistaken! Haven't looked at that for years...
                  Best regards,
                  Jonathan

                  Comment

                  • gradus
                    Full Member
                    • Nov 2010
                    • 5578

                    If only it were true, it'd be a lottery win.

                    Comment

                    • Beef Oven!
                      Ex-member
                      • Sep 2013
                      • 18147

                      Originally posted by gradus View Post
                      If only it were true, it'd be a lottery win.


                      I'd have so much money I would not know what to do with it!!

                      Comment

                      • Serial_Apologist
                        Full Member
                        • Dec 2010
                        • 37321

                        Unbeatable offers!

                        Comment

                        • Nick Armstrong
                          Host
                          • Nov 2010
                          • 26445

                          Here's one for you, Bbm!!



                          A brass band was engaged to play in the local park. Their contract said that they could pack up and go home if there was no audience, but if just one person was watching, they would have to play their entire one-hour programme. The band began to play, the sun was shining, and there were 80 people sitting in deckchairs enjoying the music.

                          Within ten minutes, the heavens opened, the wind blew a gale, and the audience ran to take shelter...all except one man. The concert continued. Rain was lashing into the faces of the musicians, their sheet music was being blown away...but one man stubbornly remained seated.

                          At the end of the concert, the sodden conductor approached the man and said: 'Bloody hell, you must really love brass band music'.

                          The man replied: 'Not really, no"

                          The conductor asks "then why did you stay until the end?"

                          He said "Because it's my job to put the deckchairs away"




                          I'm here all week. I've got my coat just in case.
                          "...the isle is full of noises,
                          Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
                          Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
                          Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

                          Comment

                          • Dave2002
                            Full Member
                            • Dec 2010
                            • 17949

                            Originally posted by gradus View Post
                            If only it were true, it'd be a lottery win.
                            I'm afraid I usually saw the board duster coming, and ducked, so the lad behind got it!

                            We also had one or two physics teachers who were handy with a piece of rubber rubing.

                            Comment

                            • BBMmk2
                              Late Member
                              • Nov 2010
                              • 20908

                              Originally posted by Caliban View Post
                              Here's one for you, Bbm!!



                              A brass band was engaged to play in the local park. Their contract said that they could pack up and go home if there was no audience, but if just one person was watching, they would have to play their entire one-hour programme. The band began to play, the sun was shining, and there were 80 people sitting in deckchairs enjoying the music.

                              Within ten minutes, the heavens opened, the wind blew a gale, and the audience ran to take shelter...all except one man. The concert continued. Rain was lashing into the faces of the musicians, their sheet music was being blown away...but one man stubbornly remained seated.

                              At the end of the concert, the sodden conductor approached the man and said: 'Bloody hell, you must really love brass band music'.

                              The man replied: 'Not really, no"

                              The conductor asks "then why did you stay until the end?"

                              He said "Because it's my job to put the deckchairs away"




                              I'm here all week. I've got my coat just in case.
                              Yes! Very amusing joke, Cali! thank you for lighting up my day, as my back is aching rather!
                              Don’t cry for me
                              I go where music was born

                              J S Bach 1685-1750

                              Comment

                              • Serial_Apologist
                                Full Member
                                • Dec 2010
                                • 37321

                                Originally posted by Dave2002 View Post
                                I'm afraid I usually saw the board duster coming, and ducked, so the lad behind got it!

                                We also had one or two physics teachers who were handy with a piece of rubber rubing.
                                Our English teacher was a good aim with a piece of chalk!

                                (When one thinks of the potential for serious injury, it's amazing what they were allowed to get away with, back in the 1960s.)

                                Comment

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