Current favourite jokes

[Serial_Apologist]

Weird sense of humour those grauniad people have.
If those are the best jokes then most of the people involved should stick to the day job.

They're all at about my level of inspiration while shopping at St Sprees on an average day. The difference is the only career I do it for is through the door as quick as poss.

Thing is, if you're observant - like me - you'll see something in everyday life, at least one thing, that is funny, or at least smileworthy.

I did consider starting a thread on this - what did you see that tickled you today? - then decided it might spoil people's fun on here.

[Dave2002]

sa

I did at least smile inwardly for a few seconds at your St Sprees story, though it didn't crack me up.

[Serial_Apologist]

sa

I did at least smile inwardly for a few seconds at your St Sprees story, though it didn't crack me up.

The number of times I've read something in a message on this forum which has left me doubled up with laughter, only to come back later to find that no follow-on poster has managed to see the funny side.....!

[richardfinegold]

Q: at a 4 way intersection, if 4 vehicles arrive simultaneously, which has the right of way?
A: the pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker which states "guns don't kill people. I do."

[Serial_Apologist]

Q: at a 4 way intersection, if 4 vehicles arrive simultaneously, which has the right of way?
A: the pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker which states "guns don't kill people. I do."

I thought you were going to say: the cat!

[Stillhomewardbound]

My sincerest apologies, FH.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

My sincerest apologies, FH.

Thank you. As you have removed it, I've removed my response.

[Dave2002]

Q: at a 4 way intersection, if 4 vehicles arrive simultaneously, which has the right of way?
A: the pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker which states "guns don't kill people. I do."

In California they have turn outs on the roads down mountains, such as in Yosemite and Kings Canyon. There is a rule that if there are vehicles queuing behind that the front vehicle should turn off into an available turn out. For a long while I was driven into these by pickup drivers, but one day, after months of practice I managed to drive a pickup off into the turn out! Great feeling - at least for a while!

[EdgeleyRob]

An amateur magician accidentally turns his wife into a settee and his two kids into armchairs. He starts to panic. He tries every trick in book but none work so, in desperation, he decides to take them to hospital.

Once at casualty, the magician spends a sleepless night while the medical staff run numerous tests on the unfortunate woman and children.

Finally, the head doctor comes out into the corridor to speak to the magician.

"How are my family?" he asks worriedly, "are they alright?"

The doctor replies, "they're comfortable..."

[charles t]

Q: at a 4 way intersection, if 4 vehicles arrive simultaneously, which has the right of way?
A: the pickup truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker which states "guns don't kill people. I do."

Richard: Did you hear about the lady who was 'accosted' on Chicago - and - thought it was Grand?

[Serial_Apologist]

An amateur magician accidentally turns his wife into a settee and his two kids into armchairs. He starts to panic. He tries every trick in book but none work so, in desperation, he decides to take them to hospital.

Once at casualty, the magician spends a sleepless night while the medical staff run numerous tests on the unfortunate woman and children.

Finally, the head doctor comes out into the corridor to speak to the magician.

"How are my family?" he asks worriedly, "are they alright?"

The doctor replies, "they're comfortable..."

Lorry driver picks up a hitchhiker.

"I'm a witch", she tells him, putting a hand on his thigh.

He immediately turned into a lay-by.

[mercia]

"I just deleted all the German names off my phone. It's Hans free"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-edinburgh-east-fife-34039927

[Nick Armstrong]

You beat me to it, mercs!

There was a couple of others in the running that made me smile

"What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter"

"Clowns divorce. Custardy battle"

[Serial_Apologist]

You beat me to it, mercs!

There was a couple of others in the running that made me smile

"What's the difference between a 'hippo' and a 'Zippo'? One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter"



"Clowns divorce. Custardy battle"

But, what about Hippolyte?

(I have to acknowledge my source as being a posting from doversoul on another thread, for prompting this particular non-association).

[johncorrigan]

But, what about Hippolyte?

(I have to acknowledge my source as being a posting from doversoul on another thread, for prompting this particular non-association).

Yeah, and what about a lesson in hip-ology? (This one comes courtesy of Buckley and Marx - quality!)*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNhstToY9kk&feature=youtu.be

*Sorry, I know it's not a current favourite joke but it seemed to follow on nicely from S_A's post.