Originally posted by Richard Barrett
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The 'search thread' facility above is your friend. Depending on the size of your repertoire nudge nudge...."...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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Talking of conductors: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUGL5uZDSc8Originally posted by Beef Oven! View PostComment
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(not sure if this is allowed? though given the plans for internet surveillance get in while you canDavid Cameron was visiting a Glasgow primary school and the class was in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mr Cameron if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'Tragedy'.
So the the prime minister asked the class if they could think of an example of a tragedy.
A little boy stood up and said, 'If my best friend is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'
'Incorrect,' said Cameron, 'That would merely be an accident.'
A little girl stood up and said 'If a school bus carrying thirty children drove over a cliff, killing everybody inside, that would be a tragedy.'
'I'm afraid not', said Cameron, 'That's what we would call a great loss'.
The room went silent. No other kid volunteered. Cameron searched the room.
'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'
Finally, little Johnny raised his hand from the back of the class and said, 'If a plane carrying you and all the Tory M.P.s was hit by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.'
'Fantastic!' exclaimed Cameron, 'And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?'
'Well,' said little Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be a f*cking accident either
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or
"C, E-flat, and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So E-flat leaves, and C and G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished, and G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes in and heads for the bathroom, saying, "Excuse me; I'll just be a second." Then A comes in, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and says, "Get out! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." E-flat comes back the next night in a three-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says, "You're looking sharp tonight. Come on in, this could be a major development." Sure enough, E-flat soon takes off his suit and everything else, and is au natural. Eventually C sobers up and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. C is brought to trial, found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of D.S. without Coda at an upscale correctional facility."Comment
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and another
AusterityComment
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Yes - austerity indeed it is. Not Krug (yes, I realise that Krug is majority owned by the multinational conglomerate LVMH Moët Hennessy / Louis Vuitton S.A. whose portfolio includes Moët & Chandon, Veuve Clicquot, Château d'Yquem and Ruinart, but the cases would be labelled Krug if that's what their contents were), not Dom Pérignon, not Louis Roederer Cristal - no, just bog standard Moët.Originally posted by MrGongGong View Postand another
Austerity
Nice joke at #1218, though...Comment
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Mr GG, many thanks for the one about Cameron and the definition of tragedy, I've forwarded it to a friend who is a libdem activist and in urgent need of cheering up!Comment
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Ditto (substitute "Libdem activist" with "Socialist/Green/Working Class/Ill/Old/Young/a Parent" etc etc etc ... )Originally posted by umslopogaas View Post[FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]Comment
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'Old on a cotton-picking moment!
You mean there's more than one?!Originally posted by umslopogaas View Post[FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]Comment
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Where he lives - Beaconsfield, bluer than blue with Tories - probably not!Comment
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How can you tell if a Yorkshireman is dyslexic?
He goes around wearing a cat flap.[FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]Comment
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Yes - I know it's a malapropism, and it could apply to a Yorkshire woman, or indeed anyone of either sex who elects to wear a cloth cap. But the joke doesn't work that way.[FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]Comment
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That's the chappie!Originally posted by vinteuil View Post[FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]Comment
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Courtesy of Barry Cryer on Danny Baker yesterday morning.
Couple are sitting having a drink in bar just chatting away. Suddenly the man slides down the seat and disappears under the table. The woman carries on drinking as though nothing has happened.
The barman's a bit worried about this and says: 'Excuse me madam but your husband's just disappeared under the table?'
and she replies: 'No, my husband just walked in the door.'Comment
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