Current favourite jokes

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

I know it's a trifle political, but very funny nevertheless.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10152681270961728&set=a.147670151727.116435.586236727&type=1&theater

[Serial_Apologist]

I know it's a trifle political, but very funny nevertheless.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?f...type=1&theater

Good ole Dennis, eh! God, he must be knocking on something: he was when I was active, 30 year ago.

[Flay]

[Beef Oven!]

What did the buffalo say to his son when he left home to go to university ?

Bison.

[Anna]

I had lunch today at a Greek restaurant and left without paying.

I think it's what they would have wanted.

[Ant]

Shipping Forecast from Peter Wonson, published in the Daily Mail:

Tory, Conservative: Moderate to extreme, mainly in the South-East. Continually spreading. Imminent.

Farage, UKIP: Rising steadily. Dover, predominantly white; Fisher, German wife; unlikely.

New Labour: Shower, absolute. Slow moving North-East, stronger in the North, but dying out later in Scotland.

Old Labour: Gale Force 8 soon, decreasing to nil. Blown out. Calm later.

Liberal Democrats: Mainly South-Westerly, blowing hot and cold; U-turns, cooling. Steady drizzle. Occasional; flurries later,

Greens: Visibility good on environment; elsewhere fog, dense.

BNP: Initially Gale Force 10, backing; decreasing, verging on extinct.

Ulster Unionist: Cyclonic. Stationary, never variable.

Others: Scant, diminishing in all areas, Rockall.



Transcribed by Ant who thought it very good but nevertheless supports UKIP!

[Beef Oven!]

I had lunch today at a Greek restaurant and left without paying.

I think it's what they would have wanted.

[EdgeleyRob]

So I said to the farmer "how many sheep do you have there ?"
"199" he replied.
"Can you round them up?"I said.
"Yeah sure" he replied,"200".

[arancie33]

So I said to the farmer "how many sheep do you have there ?"
"199" he replied.
"Can you round them up?"I said.
"Yeah sure" he replied,"200".

But how on earth do you count them?

Easy, count the legs and divide by four.

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

Good ole Dennis, eh! God, he must be knocking on something: he was when I was active, 30 year ago.

I taught two of his children.

[aka Calum Da Jazbo]

this video cracks me up

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2015/02/24/money-supermarket-spoof_n_6741760.html?utm_hp_ref=uk-politics&ir=UK+Politics

[teamsaint]

I have just ordered one of those " Improve your memory" CDs.





Again.

[johncorrigan]

There's a new band around in these parts called 'A Thousand and Twenty-three Megabytes'. They're pretty good but they've not got a gig yet

[Flay]

The Village Priest went out to collect his freshly laid eggs on Sunday Morning and realised his cockerel was missing.

At morning service he decided to ask his parishioners if they had seen it.

"Has anyone got a cock?" the Priest asked.

All the men stood up.

"No, no" said the Priest. "I meant has anyone seen a cock this morning?"

All the women stood up.

"No, no" said the Priest again. "I meant, has anyone seen a cock that doesn't belong to them?"

Half the women stood up.

"No, no, no" exclaimed the Priest. "What I meant was, has anyone seen my cock?"

The altar boys and the organist stood up!



(I'll get me chasuble...)

[Nick Armstrong]

If ever a joke warranted a kick in the canticles, that's it!

An oldie but a goodie !!