I'm currently writing an Ebook on citrus fruits.
Not quite finished yet, but if you're interested, the first chapter's onlime.
Not quite finished yet, but if you're interested, the first chapter's onlime.
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A young officer was posted to a very remote unit, miles from anywhere. On his first morning he was interviewed by the CO who said that his biggest problem was keeping morale high. To that end, he had devised a regular programme of off duty social activities.
“On Mondays we have a gentle evening to start the week. A couple of beers before dinner then we sink a few and play pool, bar skittles, darts and so on. Plenty of fun and laughs there.”
“Well actually sir, I don’t drink”
“No matter lad, you can join in the games anyway. Tuesday, we meet in the bar, have a couple then after dinner clear the tables for our casino night. Orderly Officer is croupier and he runs the roulette and poker. Only a penny a point so no serious damage or chance of a fight. You’ll enjoy that”
“Ah” said the young man, “I’m sure it’s fun, sir, but I promised my mother I would never gamble”
“Oh well, shame, but you’ll find Wednesday OK, I reckon. We send a bus to the local towns and bring in any girls who want a fun night out. Lots come, we run a hot disco and it’s real fun. Bus goes back at midnight but the emergency bus doesn’t go until breakfast time, if you get my drift. It’s a good night.”
“Oh I’m sure, sir, but actually I don’t dance and am not very good with girls”
“Never mind - hey, you’re not gay are you, lad?”
“Good heavens, no, sir!”
“That’s a shame - I'm afraid you’re not going to enjoy Thursday either then”.Comment
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Originally posted by arancie33 View Post
Reminds me of the one about the oil prospecter, who, after arriving at the desert wadi and being shown around, tells his host: "I notice there are no women here in the community". "See that building over there?" says the host, "there's a camel in there". A few mornings later, the prospecter arrives for breakfast with his clothes all torn, covered in dirt and bruises. "What happened?" everybody wants to know. "I thought I'd try your suggestion with the camel", the man replies. "Oh, but the camel is there to take you to the nearest town!" he is informed.Comment
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An elderly gent from the Hebrides was visiting Glasgow for the first time. While in the vicinity of Blythswood Square, he was accosted thus:
She: Haw! - D'ye want super sex?
He (after some thought): What kind of soup is it?
[I always think of an Ivor Cutler delivery for this one although he was a Glaswegian by birth.]Comment
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The same gent then checked into a nearby hotel.....
Receptionist: Would Sir like the Tartan Suite?
He: No, thank you; I'll chust have the Bed and Breakfast.Comment
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Bought a 'Clegg kitchen mop' in Poundland today. Now anyone can wipe the floor with him, not just Nigel!
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Off topic; do please try to stick to Current favourite jokes, there's a good chap...Originally posted by Beef Oven! View PostBought a 'Clegg kitchen mop' in Poundland today. Now anyone can wipe the floor with him, not just Nigel!Comment
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Very current, a Clegg/Nigel joke.Originally posted by ahinton View Post
Please don't try to censor this thread on the basis of political preferences. There's a good boy.Comment
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Those Parisians have got to be careful. If the are in Seine the're drowning.Comment
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... whereas the problem with many Egyptian psychiatric patients is that they are in de nial...Originally posted by Roehre View PostComment
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Round here anglers are facing the possibility that there will be no faughan salmon or sea trout.Originally posted by antongould View PostComment
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Stan, I wonder if that was the same islander who was approached by a lady in the Glasgow hotel lobby and asked if he'd like to accompany her for a drink. Says he, 'And what kind of a woman are you that asks a man to have a drink with him in a bar?'Originally posted by Stan Drews View Post
She says, 'Actually I'm a call girl.'
And he replies, 'Now isn't that the funniest thing. I'm a Tiree man meself!'Comment
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Actually Stan this one also recalled the guy who chapped on a door in Forfar and the man of the house came to the door.Originally posted by Stan Drews View Post
'Can I talk to your wife, please?'
'She's at Arbroath!'
'Oh alright, I'll see her after her dinner then.'
* this joke may require some translation which I'm willing to provide!Comment
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Actually there was a pretty funny 'Irish People Telling Jokes' on BBC 4 this week. The pick of the ones I could understand was the guy who went into the chemist shop and asked for some deodorant.
'Ball or Aerosol' says the shop assistant.
'Naw, just for the armpits,' replies yer man.Comment
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