Current favourite jokes

[Beef Oven!]

QUOTE=Beef Oven!;382226]Thanks for the spell-check - you have your uses[/QUOTE]
I certainly hope so![/QUOTE]

Tidy this up, please.

[ahinton]

Funny that. HighlandDougie is also partial to a G&T. They don't make Scotsmen like they used to.

Who says? Gordon's gin, for example (probably one of the best known), was founded by one Alexander Gordon (who doesn't sound especially Polish to me) and has been made in Scotland for some years. It is not the only gin made in Scotland today. Whilst Scotland is understandably (and indeed rightly) better known for its whiskies than for gin production, there's never been a mutual exclusivity between imbibers of the amber nectar and those of the juniper kind; it's just that we present-day Scots are no different to our ancestors in that we neither dilute our gin with still Scottish mineral water nor pour our McSchweppes into our single malt...

[Beef Oven!]

Who says? Gordon's gin, for example (probably one of the best known), was founded by one Alexander Gordon (who doesn't sound especially Polish to me) and has been made in Scotland for some years. It is not the only gin made in Scotland today. Whilst Scotland is understandably (and indeed rightly) better known for its whiskies than for gin production, there's never been a mutual exclusivity between imbibers of the amber nectar and those of the juniper kind; it's just that we present-day Scots are no different to our ancestors in that we neither dilute our gin with still Scottish mineral water nor pour our McSchweppes into our single malt...

I eat eels & mash and use double-negatives etc - you should at least drink Scotch, not Gin.

[ahinton]

I eat eels & mash and use double-negatives etc - you should at least drink Scotch, not Gin.

Whilst you're as welcome to your eels and mash as you are to your use of double negatives, why should I drink Scotch instead of gin? What's wrong with enjoying both, as I do (albeit not together, naturellement)?

[Beef Oven!]

Whilst you're as welcome to your eels and mash as you are to your use of double negatives, why should I drink Scotch instead of gin? What's wrong with enjoying both, as I do (albeit not together, naturellement)?

Sometimes a man has to come down on one side or the other in life.

[mangerton]

Who says? Gordon's gin, for example (probably one of the best known), was founded by one Alexander Gordon (who doesn't sound especially Polish to me) and has been made in Scotland for some years. It is not the only gin made in Scotland today. Whilst Scotland is understandably (and indeed rightly) better known for its whiskies than for gin production, there's never been a mutual exclusivity between imbibers of the amber nectar and those of the juniper kind; it's just that we present-day Scots are no different to our ancestors in that we neither dilute our gin with still Scottish mineral water nor pour our McSchweppes into our single malt...

Amen to that.

[LeMartinPecheur]

Anyone got any favourite jokes, or am I on the wrong thread??

[EdgeleyRob]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Welshman walked into a bar....there was also a Scotsman, but he wanted to go in alone.

[Beef Oven!]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Welshman walked into a bar....there was also a Scotsman, but he wanted to go in alone.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans (including a southerner [but certainly not a redneck!], a New Englander, and a Californian), an Argentinian, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovakian, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, a Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, a Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, a Uraguayan, a Czech, an Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, a Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahamanian, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, a Taiwanese, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian and 47-53 Africans walk into a fine restaurant.

The doorman said "You can't come in without a Thai"

[EdgeleyRob]

A guy goes into a restaurant,his shirt open at the collar,but is stopped by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a tie to get in.

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a tie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jump leads in the boot.
In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, okay, I guess you can come in -- just don't start anything."

[Beef Oven!]

A guy goes into a restaurant,his shirt open at the collar,but is stopped by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a tie to get in.

So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a tie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jump leads in the boot.
In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free.

He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, okay, I guess you can come in -- just don't start anything."

Brill!!!

[ahinton]

Sometimes a man has to come down on one side or the other in life.

But at other times he doesn't (and the same goes for women, whom you carelessly omitted to mention here).

[Beef Oven!]

But at other times he doesn't (and the same goes for women, whom you carelessly omitted to mention here).

Normally in the tailors.

[ahinton]

Brill!!!

Sure - except for the fact that no reference is made to the problem that a tie constructed of jump leads might bring about if anyone tries to damage them, as in a "tie-break"...

[ahinton]

Normally in the tailors.

Eh?