Current favourite jokes

[Beef Oven!]

Jumped in my car after the gig the other day and some woman said ''can you give me a lift?''

I said ''you look great, the world's your oyster - go for it!''

[MrGongGong]

I've been watching the cricket for hours now,

but I've finally worked it out, it does it with its back legs.



When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face.

[EdgeleyRob]

Bought some Armageddon cheese in borough market on Friday. On the label it says 'Best before end'.

Cheese doesn't agree with me.
I walked past some in Tesco the other day and it shouted "Rob,you're wrong about the Irish question"

[Beef Oven!]

Cheese doesn't agree with me.
I walked past some in Tesco the other day and it shouted "Rob,you're wrong about the Irish question"

I was walking past a cheese factory and it blew-up!! All that was left was de brie.

[Serial_Apologist]

In catering, we were told, the most important thing not to ask a customer is, do you want stuffing?

[Beef Oven!]

In catering, we were told, the most important thing not to ask a customer is, do you want stuffing?

At Christmas you mean?

[Beef Oven!]

Question: In Mexico, what do they call cheese that does not belong to you?

Answer: Nacho Cheese.

[Beef Oven!]

They say that 1 in 5 people are Chinese. There are 5 other people in my family and I want to know which one is Chinese!

It's gonna be one of my children, Casandra, Oliver, James, Colin or Hoi Chin Chee.

I think it's Colin.

[Beef Oven!]

After he hands down the sentence to the armed-robber, the judge asks the convicted "have you got anything to say for yourself?"

"Fuck-all" says the armed robber.

The judge says to the court clerk, "what did he say?"

The clerk, rather embarrassed, says "fuck-all"

The judge says to the clerk, "don't lie, I saw his lips move".

[amateur51]

Oxo's been opening those crackers he bought from Lidl, I see

[Beef Oven!]

Oxo's been opening those crackers he bought from Lidl, I see

Originate some posts instead of sniping all the time on the back of other people's endevours. Don't be a parasite.

[ahinton]

endevours

"En devours" what? Some of that cheese that you've been talking about?(!)

Don't be a parasite.

How could be be a headquarters for paramilitaries?(!)

[amateur51]

Originate some posts instead of sniping all the time on the back of other people's endevours. Don't be a parasite.

This is way more fun

[Beef Oven!]

This is way more fun

Obsessed with being a homosexual, morbid fascination with the Guardian Obituary columns, oily sycophancy and passive-aggressive wind-ups. You have a fun life.

[teamsaint]

Sweet dreams are made of cheese
who am I to diss a brie?
I cheddar the world and the feta cheese
Everybody's looking for stilton......

C. Eric " fromage" Cantona.