Current favourite jokes

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  • johncorrigan
    Full Member
    • Nov 2010
    • 10494

    What happens if you cross an angry sheep with an angry cow?
    You get an animal that's in a baaaad mooood!

    Comment

    • johncorrigan
      Full Member
      • Nov 2010
      • 10494

      I've looked and looked but I can't seem to see it anywhere. I'm sure I posted a joke about a chiropractor. I think it was about a week back.

      Comment

      • johncorrigan
        Full Member
        • Nov 2010
        • 10494

        A guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, 'You're a good bit overweight. You need to go on a diet.'
        The guy says 'What do you suggest?'
        The doc says' Try the banana diet!'
        'What's that?'
        'Well, it's like this. You have a banana on the Monday, skip Tuesday, have a banana Wednesday, skip Thursday, have a banana Friday and so on for a month!'
        The guy says, 'OK, I'll try it.'
        So he goes away.
        At the end of the month the doctor phones him to find out how he got on. The guy's wife answers.
        'How did your husband get on with the diet?'
        'He's dead,' she replies.
        'Dead!?!' says the doc, 'How did he die?'
        'Heart attack,' says the wife.
        The doctor says, 'That's terrible. Was it the bananas?'
        'No!' says the wife, 'It was all the skipping.'

        Comment

        • Cockney Sparrow
          Full Member
          • Jan 2014
          • 2299

          Originally posted by johncorrigan View Post
          A guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, 'You're a good bit overweight. You need to go on a diet.'
          ....... You have a banana on the Monday, skip Tuesday, have a banana Wednesday, skip Thursday, have a banana Friday and so on for a month!'.......
          Great joke! Laugh out loud moment

          Comment

          • johncorrigan
            Full Member
            • Nov 2010
            • 10494

            A wild west gunslinger enters a saloon, gun in hand and roars: "who painted my horse yellow?"
            An even larger gunslinger stands up and says menacingly: "I did."
            Hesitating, the first gunslinger says: "I just wanted to tell you the first coat is dry"

            Comment

            • kernelbogey
              Full Member
              • Nov 2010
              • 5861

              Not a joke, but worth the notice of denizens of these boards, I feel, is the news from Oz that the Macquarie Dictionary has decided that the word of the year is shitification.

              Hard to know where to post this....

              Comment

              • Serial_Apologist
                Full Member
                • Dec 2010
                • 38082

                Originally posted by kernelbogey View Post
                Not a joke, but worth the notice of denizens of these boards, I feel, is the news from Oz that the Macquarie Dictionary has decided that the word of the year is shitification.

                Hard to know where to post this....
                I would have passed on that...

                Comment

                • johncorrigan
                  Full Member
                  • Nov 2010
                  • 10494

                  Originally posted by Serial_Apologist View Post

                  I would have passed on that...
                  I was moved by it.

                  Comment

                  • oddoneout
                    Full Member
                    • Nov 2015
                    • 9481

                    Originally posted by kernelbogey View Post
                    Not a joke, but worth the notice of denizens of these boards, I feel, is the news from Oz that the Macquarie Dictionary has decided that the word of the year is shitification.

                    Hard to know where to post this....
                    Enshittification. The Guardian had an article on it a couple of days ago which I would link but they've gone down the 'register to read' route which would be frustrating for those who don't wish to. A Google search of the word did come up with an FT article by the person, Cory Doctorow, who coined the term last year, which should be free to read.

                    Comment

                    • kernelbogey
                      Full Member
                      • Nov 2010
                      • 5861

                      Originally posted by oddoneout View Post

                      Enshittification. The Guardian had an article on it a couple of days ago which I would link but they've gone down the 'register to read' route which would be frustrating for those who don't wish to. A Google search of the word did come up with an FT article by the person, Cory Doctorow, who coined the term last year, which should be free to read.
                      Thank you for clarifying, OOO.
                      The Guardian article quotes the Macquarie Dictionary definition as
                      “The gradual deterioration of a service or product brought about by a reduction in the quality of service provided, especially of an online platform, and as a consequence of profit-seeking.”
                      I hope that the link works.

                      Comment

                      • Serial_Apologist
                        Full Member
                        • Dec 2010
                        • 38082

                        Originally posted by johncorrigan View Post

                        I was moved by it.

                        Comment

                        • johncorrigan
                          Full Member
                          • Nov 2010
                          • 10494

                          I got my wife a wooden leg for Christmas. It's not her main present; just a stocking filler.

                          Comment

                          • Globaltruth
                            Host
                            • Nov 2010
                            • 4324

                            A rabbit, a Christian and a Muslim go for a blood test.
                            Afterwards someone asks the rabbit if he'd got his results. He said:
                            "I'm not sure, think it was a Type-O"

                            Comment

                            • johncorrigan
                              Full Member
                              • Nov 2010
                              • 10494

                              There was this English cat called One-Two-Three-Four, and this French cat called Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre, and they decided to have a race across the Channel. Guess which one won? One-Two-Three-Four, because Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre sank.

                              Comment

                              • LHC
                                Full Member
                                • Jan 2011
                                • 1579

                                Originally posted by Globaltruth View Post
                                A rabbit, a Christian and a Muslim go for a blood test.
                                Afterwards someone asks the rabbit if he'd got his results. He said:
                                "I'm not sure, think it was a Type-O"
                                Shouldn't it be a rabbit, priest and imam?
                                "I do not approve of anything that tampers with natural ignorance. Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone. The whole theory of modern education is radically unsound. Fortunately in England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square."
                                Lady Bracknell The importance of Being Earnest

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