Current favourite jokes

[oddoneout]

In the course of consulting my trusty(and now rather old) Chambers dictionary I was distracted(as often happens ) by another word than the one I was looking up, and it gave me a certain amount of amusement.
Goop : a fool; a fatuous person. I can only assume that american dictionaries don't contain it so it wasn't ruled out in the Paltrow universe as the name for her wellness enterprise...

[johncorrigan]

This comes courtesy of Mark Steele and Paul Merton on 'Room 101' yesterday.
Man goes to the doctor. 'Doctor, I've got a lettuce stuck up my bum. Anything you can do for me?'
Doc says, 'Take your breeks off and we'll have a look.'
So the doctor is fishing around in the guy's back passage and pulls out a few leaves.
'Is that it?', says the guy.
Doc replies, 'No! That's just the tip of the iceberg.'

[Serial_Apologist]

This comes courtesy of Mark Steele and Paul Merton on 'Room 101' yesterday.
Man goes to the doctor. 'Doctor, I've got a lettuce stuck up my bum. Anything you can do for me?'
Doc says, 'Take your breeks off and we'll have a look.'
So the doctor is fishing around in the guy's back passage and pulls out a few leaves.
'Is that it?', says the guy.
Doc replies, 'No! That's just the tip of the iceberg.'

Characteristic of the more sophisticated brand of S London humour. Another being the Jo Brand.

[LMcD]

Stephen Fry on tonight's Just A Minute: 'Trying times is the national newspaper for judges'.

[Nick Armstrong]

[Serial_Apologist]

Aaaaaaaah....

[Nick Armstrong]

Aaaaaaaah....

No, that’s at the dentists’s, not the ophthalmologist’s…

[Serial_Apologist]

No, that’s at the dentists’s, not the ophthalmologist’s…

One of the psalms we sang in school chapel ended with the line, "Open thy mouth wide and I shall fill it". The choirmaster called it the dentist's psalm.

[Serial_Apologist]

During TV discussion just now:

"... Tavernas... haciendas ... whatever they call houses in Spain..."

Vanessa Feltz: "Villas".

[johncorrigan]

Jimmy Carr on '8 out of 10 Cats Do Countdown' - 'and with us comedian Joe Lycett who says he is bisexual; so he's just as at home in Dictionary Corner as he is in Vaginary Corner.'

[Serial_Apologist]

Jimmy Carr on '8 out of 10 Cats Do Countdown' - 'and with us comedian Joe Lycett who says he is bisexual; so he's just as at home in Dictionary Corner as he is in Vaginary Corner.'

Sorry - I can't stick Jimmy Carr.

(Or most of those flashy TV staged set "comedy" panel shows that seem to be quotidian these days).

[johncorrigan]

Sorry - I can't stick Jimmy Carr.

(Or most of those flashy TV staged set "comedy" panel shows that seem to be quotidian these days).

Fair enough, S_A. I'm not keen on him either, but I thought that one was quite funny.

[MickyD]

This comes courtesy of Mark Steele and Paul Merton on 'Room 101' yesterday.
Man goes to the doctor. 'Doctor, I've got a lettuce stuck up my bum. Anything you can do for me?'
Doc says, 'Take your breeks off and we'll have a look.'
So the doctor is fishing around in the guy's back passage and pulls out a few leaves.
'Is that it?', says the guy.
Doc replies, 'No! That's just the tip of the iceberg.'

Very similar to the one Dawn French told in 'The Vicar of Dibley':

Man goes to the doctor and says 'Dr, I've got a mince pie stuck up my bum'.
Doctor: 'Don't worry, I've got some cream for that!'

[johncorrigan]

Very similar to the one Dawn French told in 'The Vicar of Dibley':

Man goes to the doctor and says 'Dr, I've got a mince pie stuck up my bum'.
Doctor: 'Don't worry, I've got some cream for that!'

Guy goes to the doctor and says:'Doctor, I keep thinking I'm Tom Jones.'
The doctor replies' It's not unusual!'

[LMcD]

Sorry - I can't stick Jimmy Carr.

(Or most of those flashy TV staged set "comedy" panel shows that seem to be quotidian these days).

Same here!