Current favourite jokes

[edashtav]

An outskirt!

To retain its shape, perhaps, one should use a skirt in board .

[edashtav]

Bruno Walter was interviewed about Opera whilst visiting London by the Daily News during May, 1930.

Herr [Bruno] Walter. who is not an anti-modernist, finds that most modern operas which have been produced In Europe in the last decade show a great deal of technical cleverness and wit but little that shows promise of enduring. " Jonny spielt auf," [Ernst Krenek] for example, which
" went up like a rocket, and came down like a stick”.

[Bryn]

Except, Jonathan does not "do" Rachmaninov, (or Rachmaninoff, come to that) as he makes clear on Facebook. The venue mentioned, St Hilda's, Oxford, lent plausibility but It just ain't Jonathan's bag; The source of the image? The BBC's "The Following Events Are Based On A Pack Of Lies". How apposite.

[Serial_Apologist]

"Lyndhurst in Hampshire has the greatest crime rates in the country - and Sherlock Holmes is buried there, would you believe?!"

Slebrity millionaire Lizzy Cundy, unchecked and in all seriousness, a moment ago on Storm Huntley, Channel 5, during discussion "Would more bobbies on the beat cut crime?"

[oddoneout]

This rather amused me.

“It is totally outrageous and makes Johnson look like a chump”,

From a story about one of Johnson's resignation honours plants not sticking to the rules(stuffing HOL with Tories)

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2023/sep/13/boris-johnson-look-like-chump-as-ex-aide-dan-rosenfield-shuns-tories-in-lords

[johncorrigan]

Q. What's red and bad for your teeth?

A. A brick.

[johncorrigan]

Hope you don't mind, but I'm going to post a joke; but it needs a spot of info. I don't have the linguistic, geographic or piscine/gastronomical skills to fully understand the set up, but I loved the punchline so much. In other words, I think I get it and some here might enjoy.
So here goes:

A woman lands at Logan Airport in Boston. She jumps into a taxi and says to the cabbie, 'Take me to a place where I can get scrod.'
The cabbie turns round and says, 'That's the first time I've heard that requested in the pluperfect subjunctive.'


Scrod is a kind of fish from that region apparently.

[Serial_Apologist]

Hope you don't mind, but I'm going to post a joke; but it needs a spot of info. I don't have the linguistic, geographic or piscine/gastronomical skills to fully understand the set up, but I loved the punchline so much. In other words, I think I get it and some here might enjoy.
So here goes:

A woman lands at Logan Airport in Boston. She jumps into a taxi and says to the cabbie, 'Take me to a place where I can get scrod.'
The cabbie turns round and says, 'That's the first time I've heard that requested in the pluperfect subjunctive.'


Scrod is a kind of fish from that region apparently.

But to be pedantic, isn't "piscine" actually the French for "swimming pool"?

[Padraig]

Hope you don't mind, but I'm going to post a joke; but it needs a spot of info. I don't have the linguistic, geographic or piscine/gastronomical skills to fully understand the set up, but I loved the punchline so much. In other words, I think I get it and some here might enjoy.
So here goes:

A woman lands at Logan Airport in Boston. She jumps into a taxi and says to the cabbie, 'Take me to a place where I can get scrod.'
The cabbie turns round and says, 'That's the first time I've heard that requested in the pluperfect subjunctive.'


Scrod is a kind of fish from that region apparently.

I get it too John. That 'pluperfect subjunctive' has me wobbling, but it must be OK, otherwise S_A would have told us.

[Serial_Apologist]

"One reason why many children are not potty trained by the time they go to school might be because their parents can't be arsed" - comment on telly this morning. Of six people who heard this remark - the TV host, his two guests, two camera persons, and me - unless they were being deliberately po-faced - only one heard anything funny in it. Which only goes to show that, yet again, I was the odd man out.

[vinteuil]

... something seasonal -

https://www.theguardian.com/books/picture/2023/oct/28/tom-gauld-on-the-weird-sisters-halloween-recipe-cartoon?CMP=share_btn_link

.

[Roslynmuse]

"One reason why many children are not potty trained by the time they go to school might be because their parents can't be arsed" - comment on telly this morning. Of six people who heard this remark - the TV host, his two guests, two camera persons, and me - unless they were being deliberately po-faced - only one heard anything funny in it. Which only goes to show that, yet again, I was the odd man out.

Hahahaha!

[kernelbogey]

I enjoyed this in an article in today's Guardian about interpreters:

I am reminded of a cartoon I saw in a German newspaper, showing a man in a boiling rage throttling another man who, despite the violence being visited on him, is completely calm; the caption read, “He is waiting for the verb.”

[johncorrigan]

I enjoyed Joe Wilkinson's joke a day or so back:'I was raised by wolves! After I was born, my parents abandoned me on the steps at Molineux.'

[Pulcinella]

I enjoyed Joe Wilkinson's joke a day or so back:'I was raised by wolves! After I was born, my parents abandoned me on the steps at Molineux.'

Did he get his spurs along the way?
Wolves certainly showed them a thing (or three) at the weekend.