Current favourite jokes

[oddoneout]

Excellent! Thinking outside, and yet inside, the box?

There wasn't much thinking either inside or outside the box except insofar as it reinforces the stereotype of where the male brain resides...

[Sir Velo]

I've just discovered that Welshpool was originally Pool but got its extra syllable to avoid confusion with the Dorset one.

No such problem if you stick with the Welsh: Y Trallwng, which translates to a slightly less salubrious description of the town's principal geographical feature.

[Nick Armstrong]

[antongould]

Wonderful Rumpole ….. worthy of the #GreatMan …….

[Bryn]

Posted on FB by composer Martin Butler:

Anyone fancy a proper joke, as opposed to what’s on the news at the moment? (Younger readers might struggle with this, though.)
Gervais is a sous-chef in a seafood restaurant. He knows a thing or two about filleting and shucking. And he’s normally fearless when it comes to handling the rarer and scarier creatures that come his way. But one task gives him the heebie-jeebies: fishing out the Wild, Green, Hairy-Lipped Squid from the tank. It’s a monster, poisonous and aggressive. He just can’t do it. So he turns to the chief dish-washer, Hans. Hans is the toughest, ugliest and most fearless dude in town. But even he is daunted by the prospect.
Which proves that, when the chips are down, Hans that does dishes can be soft as Gervais with Wild, Green, Hairy-Lipped Squid.

[vinteuil]

.

... from The Times 'Birthdays today' section -

Cormac McCarthy, novelist, No Country for Old Men, 88


.

[ahinton]

Posted on FB by composer Martin Butler:

I saw that too - an absolute corker!

[Serial_Apologist]

I saw that too - an absolute corker!

Whatever floats the boat!

[oddoneout]

Posted on FB by composer Martin Butler:

Hans that does dishes can be soft as Gervais with Wild, Green, Hairy-Lipped Squid.
Which brought back memories of My Word and the stories to explain the origin of well known phrases. The lead up has long been forgotten but "The London Derriere" and "Soiree with the binge on top" are two that have stuck over the many decades since the first hearing.

[LMcD]

Hans that does dishes can be soft as Gervais with Wild, Green, Hairy-Lipped Squid.
Which brought back memories of My Word and the stories to explain the origin of well known phrases. The lead up has long been forgotten but "The London Derriere" and "Soiree with the binge on top" are two that have stuck over the many decades since the first hearing.

Frank Muir's disquisition on the rise of fast food and the threat to the traditional full English breakfast ended thus:
'This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a banger, but a Wimpy'

[Padraig]

Frank Muir's . . .

. . . shaggy dog pun on a popular Victorian song:

"Carmen! 'Toothy' Gordon!! Lawd!

[Roslynmuse]

Hans that does dishes can be soft as Gervais with Wild, Green, Hairy-Lipped Squid.
Which brought back memories of My Word and the stories to explain the origin of well known phrases. The lead up has long been forgotten but "The London Derriere" and "Soiree with the binge on top" are two that have stuck over the many decades since the first hearing.

I recall one in which splendour in the grass turned into splinter in the a**e...

[Bryn]

A whole series of first-rate jokes in Simon Evans Goes to Market. Radio 4.

[Petrushka]

Spotted in today's Guardian comments:

On a visit to a small town in Cornwall, Boris Johnson asks the council officials what he could do to 'level them up'. We have two big needs said the council spokesman. "First, we have a small health centre but no doctor." With that Boris immediately whips out his mobile phone and steps away from the group whilst issuing directives and gesturing wildly. After a minute or two he returns and announces "Sorted. A resident doctor will be with you by the end of the week. What's your other need?"

"Mobile phone connectivity" replied the spokesman. "We have none whatsoever for 10 miles."

[Bryn]

Spotted in today's Guardian comments:

On a visit to a small town in Cornwall, Boris Johnson asks the council officials what he could do to 'level them up'. We have two big needs said the council spokesman. "First, we have a small health centre but no doctor." With that Boris immediately whips out his mobile phone and steps away from the group whilst issuing directives and gesturing wildly. After a minute or two he returns and announces "Sorted. A resident doctor will be with you by the end of the week. What's your other need?"

"Mobile phone connectivity" replied the spokesman. "We have none whatsoever for 10 miles."

Ouch!