Originally posted by EdgeleyRob
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If it's going to get like this, the thread needs to be moved to the politics & current affairs section
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Bloke pulls a young woman down the pub and after last-orders, goes back to her flat with her.
She's very fat and a bit self-conscious about it, but he doesn't comment on her size.
They get to the bedroom and he climbs on top of her.
After 3 minutes, he asks if he can turn the light off and she starts crying. She says "you don't like seeing my fat body - that's why you want to turn the light off, this always happens"
He replies, "no it's not that - the bulb's burning me arse".Comment
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Did you hear about the athletic amorous prawn?
He pulled a mussel.[FONT=Comic Sans MS][I][B]Numquam Satis![/B][/I][/FONT]Comment
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Ho hum - I dare say its multiply interpretable, but it's more or less the same punchline as mine, Cali - silence being golden, and that...Originally posted by Caliban View PostNow that's a proper one
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apologies if we have had this one before
How do you know that it's a drummer at your front door ?
The knocking gets faster and they don't know when to come in
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Hum... well.... call me a literalist, but if you threw a banjo in the toilet, even if it didn't hit the side, wouldn't it make a splosh? So the silence thing didn't seem quite right...Originally posted by Serial_Apologist View Post
"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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My Sons favourite (and useful disarming strategy ) joke used to be
"I've got Aspergers syndrome , but it doesn't make my wee smell funny "
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It was entertainment night at the Senior Citizens Centre.
After the community sing along led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show - Claude the Hypnotist!
Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.
"Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time" said Claude.
The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.
"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding it high for all to see.
"It's a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations."
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting: "Watch the watch... Watch the watch... Watch the watch"
The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth.
The lights were twinkling as they reflected from its gleaming surfaces.
A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.
They were all hypnotized...
And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!
The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact!
"SHIT!" cried Claude.
It took them three days to clean up the Senior Citizens Centre...Pacta sunt servanda !!!Comment
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Here's a topical Welsh Rugby joke:
What have The Ospreys and a three pin British electrical plug got in common?
They’re both useless in Europe.
(You have to hand it to the Welsh. expecting the English to understand such subtlety and political Rugby Union overtones!
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Just been to an African themed party.
There was no food and the drinks were 5 miles away.Comment
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Originally posted by MrGongGong View PostMy Sons favourite (and useful disarming strategy ) joke used to be
"I've got Aspergers syndrome , but it doesn't make my wee smell funny "
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The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.
They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, I answered, " Yes."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."Comment
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"...the isle is full of noises,
Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."
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This new whisky diet is brilliant,I've lost 3 days already.Comment
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