Current favourite jokes

[Flay]

Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mother and said, "He shouted at me again, I'm coming to live with you."

Mother said, "No darling, he must pay for this. I am coming to live with you."

[Flay]

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get six."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

[teamsaint]

Its more Les Dawson than Ben Elton on here !!

Great stuff though.

[teamsaint]

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get six."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

very good.

[amateur51]

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get six."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get six."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

I started to tell my considerably better half this joke, but she interrupted with the punchline.

"Have you heard it before?" I asked,
"No," she replied, "but it's the sort of thing you'd do!"

[amateur51]

I started to tell my considerably better half this joke, but she interrupted with the punchline.

"Have you heard it before?" I asked,
"No," she replied, "but it's the sort of thing you'd do!"

how terrifying!

[Nick Armstrong]

I started to tell my considerably better half this joke, but she interrupted with the punchline.

"Have you heard it before?" I asked,
"No," she replied, "but it's the sort of thing you'd do!"

[Nick Armstrong]

Two Mexicans are lost in the desert. They see a small tree
in the distance. As they get nearer they see it seems to be
draped with slice upon slice of juicy pink bacon.
"Hey Pepe!!" says the first man.
"Ees a bacon tree, we're saved!"
He runs to the tree but is gunned down
in a hail of bullets.
"What happened!?" shouts Pepe.
With his last breath, his friend shouts
"Run amigo! Ees not a bacon tree.
Ees a ham bush."

[MrGongGong]

Barack Obama phoned me tonight and said, 'John my government isn't working'... so I told him to shut it down and switch it back on again.

[ardcarp]

This talk of deserts reminds me....

There were three nuns in a desert desperate for food. Sister Mary remembers she has a packet of instant cake mix. Sister Ann reads the instructions and it says, 'Mix with a pint of water'. Sister Jo says, 'We have no water'. Sister Mary, ever resourceful, says, 'We can all try to pee into the packet'. So each in turn croups down and tries to pass water. They were so de-hydrated....no success. Finally Sister Jo tried so hard she farted, and they all pissed themselves laughing.

[Stillhomewardbound]

Not a joke as such, but a very neat bit of marketing:

[mangerton]

A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get six."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

As others have indicated, brilliant.

[MrGongGong]

As others have indicated, brilliant.

That is a perfect example of "concrete language"

[Stillhomewardbound]

Time for a little bit of satire!! Something I knocked up a little earlier.