Current favourite jokes

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  • Serial_Apologist
    Full Member
    • Dec 2010
    • 37605

    Originally posted by LMcD View Post
    I think this may have something to do with the new product which they're introducing for some of their more troublesome younger customers - the Bratwurst.
    They'll be none the wurst for it.

    Comment

    • edashtav
      Full Member
      • Jul 2012
      • 3668

      Not, I'm afraid, a current joke, but a true story that did the rounds of polite society in its time. It touches on Music and the Harp and the ridiculous scene is well-evoked and genuinely funny. This version is transcribed from an Essex Herald published in June, 1829:
      Not Cow and Gate but... Cow and Bowl
      The fashionable gossips are much amused with the report of sad contre-temps which look place at a late public breakfast near London. It was purposed as a brilliant conclusion of the Fete, that the company should partake of a Syllabub upon the lawn, and for this purpose a favourite white cow, profusely decorated with flowers and ribands, was placed near an immense bowl, into which a girl dressed as a Swiss milkmaid was to milk the cow, whilst an eminent vocalist, also dressed in costume, was placed on one side of the head to sing, the 'Ranz des Vaches', accompanied on the harp by her husband, dressed 'a l'antique pastorale'. The admiring and expectant company gathered round the milk-white animal, and all promised a happy 'coup de theatre' ; but, unfortunately as the precaution of infusing into the mind of the cow a preparatory taste for Swiss melody had been neglected, she no sooner heard the sound of the harp, then up went her head and her tail, away went the flowers and the ribands, away ran the vocalist, down crashed the harp, and off ran the company—the immense china bowl exhibiting, not the lacteal pond which was intended, but unequivocal symptoms of the alarm and irritation of the milk-white animal.

      Comment

      • BBMmk2
        Late Member
        • Nov 2010
        • 20908

        From a cartoon, a dog holding up a sign saying, “mint sauce” to some sheep. The farmer said to his owners, “Oi your dog is scaring my sheep!
        Don’t cry for me
        I go where music was born

        J S Bach 1685-1750

        Comment

        • Richard Barrett
          Guest
          • Jan 2016
          • 6259

          I bought a friend an elephant for his room. He said "thanks". I said "don't mention it."

          Comment

          • Joseph K
            Banned
            • Oct 2017
            • 7765

            Originally posted by Richard Barrett View Post
            I bought a friend an elephant for his room. He said "thanks". I said "don't mention it."

            Comment

            • Nick Armstrong
              Host
              • Nov 2010
              • 26523

              Originally posted by Richard Barrett View Post
              I bought a friend an elephant for his room. He said "thanks". I said "don't mention it."
              "...the isle is full of noises,
              Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
              Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
              Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

              Comment

              • Nick Armstrong
                Host
                • Nov 2010
                • 26523

                What does John Bercow have with his cocktails?

                ...

                HOOOORRRS D'OEUUVVRRRES!
                "...the isle is full of noises,
                Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
                Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
                Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

                Comment

                • Joseph K
                  Banned
                  • Oct 2017
                  • 7765

                  Originally posted by Caliban View Post
                  What does John Bercow have with his cocktails?

                  ...

                  HOOOORRRS D'OEUUVVRRRES!

                  Comment

                  • MrGongGong
                    Full Member
                    • Nov 2010
                    • 18357

                    Comment

                    • Richard Barrett
                      Guest
                      • Jan 2016
                      • 6259

                      That's a good one. I'm not sure which I prefer, that one or the one where LK is saying "They know it's from you."

                      Comment

                      • cloughie
                        Full Member
                        • Dec 2011
                        • 22115

                        Originally posted by MrGongGong View Post
                        “Old friends sat on a park bench like bookends”.

                        Comment

                        • ahinton
                          Full Member
                          • Nov 2010
                          • 16122

                          Originally posted by cloughie View Post
                          “Old friends sat on a park bench like bookends”.
                          ...only this is the book that will never end...

                          Comment

                          • LMcD
                            Full Member
                            • Sep 2017
                            • 8412

                            Originally posted by ahinton View Post
                            ...only this is the book that will never end...
                            It's very hard to finish a book if you've lost the plot.

                            Comment

                            • oddoneout
                              Full Member
                              • Nov 2015
                              • 9145

                              Originally posted by cloughie View Post
                              “Old friends sat on a park bench like bookends”.
                              Looks to me like a teacher having a serious talk with a naughty schoolboy.

                              Comment

                              • MrGongGong
                                Full Member
                                • Nov 2010
                                • 18357

                                Comment

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