Current favourite jokes

[Edgy 2]

Bank robber; “Give me all the money or you’re geography!”
Cashier; “Did you mean to say, ‘or you’re history?”
Bank robber; “Don’t change the subject.”

[johncorrigan]

Bank robber; “Give me all the money or you’re geography!”
Cashier; “Did you mean to say, ‘or you’re history?”
Bank robber; “Don’t change the subject.”

Jack Dee on 'Sorry I haven't a Clue' last week: Graham Garden and Tim Brooke-Taylor were just telling me that there is a great performance by them from the 1970s doing 'Funky Gibbon' on Top of the Pops. However, as it was sandwiched between Rolf Harris and Gary Glitter, and introduced by Jimmy Saville, we'll just have to take their word for it!

[johncorrigan]

What do you call it when a chameleon is unable to change colour?
A reptile dysfunction.

[Nick Armstrong]

Q. Which blood type gives rise to the largest number of mistakes in hospitals?

A. Type-O

[LezLee]

The world's leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop and asks the assistant “Do you have ‘European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week."
“Certainly,” replies the assistant. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?” "That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.
He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, “I'm terribly sorry, but this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”
The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. He apologises and lifts the needle onto the next track.
Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds." The assistant apologises again and lifts the needle to the next track.
The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.
"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"
The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over. "What seems to be the problem, sir?"
"This is an outrage! Nobody knows more about wasps than I do. There is no way that the sounds on that record were made by European ones!"
The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly. "I'm terribly sorry, sir ............
It appears we've been playing you the bee side."

[Dave2002]

Love it! The bee one, that is.

[LezLee]

While we're on the subject, here's a favourite Chic Murray joke

Man in pet shop: "Have you any wasps?

Assistant: "I'm sorry, we don't stock wasps"

Man: "Yes you do, you've got one in the window"

[johncorrigan]

Why did the bees go on strike?

Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!

[gurnemanz]

There was an old man of St. Bees,
Who was stung in the neck by a wasp.
When asked, "Does it hurt?"
He replied, "No, it doesn't.
I'm so glad that it wasn't a hornet.

[Boilk]

Why did the bees go on strike?

Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers!

Why did the bees go on strike?
They weren't getting enough Nectar points.

[LMcD]

Where's the best place to advertise nectar?
Buzzfeed

[johncorrigan]

Where's the best place to advertise nectar?
Buzzfeed

...and, of course, hi've worked out that their favourite choreographer is Buzzbee Berkbee!

[Joseph K]

Ego and superego walk into a bar - bartender says "I'm gonna have to see some ID".

[Richard Barrett]

Ego and superego walk into a bar - bartender says "I'm gonna have to see some ID".

Superb.

[maestro267]

A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow: "Do you mind if I say a word?" The widow says "Please do." The man clears his throat and says "Plethora." The widow replies "Thanks. That means a lot."