Current favourite jokes

[Edgy 2]

[Edgy 2]

It's the annual nudist woodland walk this weekend and I’ve been invited to take part.
I said I would go if I had nothing on.

[Bella Kemp]

That reminds me of the joke - possibly the work of Denis Nordern - about a detachment of Roman soldiers who were asked to identify themselves by quoting their service numbers, beginning with the earliest recruit: I, II, III, IV, V ……

Mr Kemp and I have struggled with this one and have to admit we just don't get it! It must be like looking at one of those pictures where some can see only an old hag, some a beautiful lady and others can see both.

[Richard Tarleton]

That reminds me of the joke - possibly the work of Denis Nordern - about a detachment of Roman soldiers who were asked to identify themselves by quoting their service numbers, beginning with the earliest recruit: I, II, III, IV, V ……

I rather think it was from the film "Carry On Cleo" - Bella, it looks and sounds much funnier on screen. A line of Roman soldiers are numbering from the left - first one says "One", next one "One One", next "One One One", next one "One Vee", "Vee" and so on. I don't know if we do know how the Romans said numbers out loud, but we can be sure they didn't say "Ex Vee One One One" for 18. Just an inspired gag, really.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

There was also an episode of Up, Pompeii! in which Lurcio had to join the army, and the soldiers had to shout out their numbers "Eye", "Eye-Eye", etc - the punchline being that Lurcio was "Eye-Vee", and referred to as "Ivy" by the "Sergeant-Major" for the rest of the show.

[Richard Tarleton]

That could well be what I was thinking about!

[Bella Kemp]

I rather think it was from the film "Carry On Cleo" - Bella, it looks and sounds much funnier on screen. A line of Roman soldiers are numbering from the left - first one says "One", next one "One One", next "One One One", next one "One Vee", "Vee" and so on. I don't know if we do know how the Romans said numbers out loud, but we can be sure they didn't say "Ex Vee One One One" for 18. Just an inspired gag, really.

Thanks Richard. It's clearly one of those jokes where you just had to be there!

[gurnemanz]

I rather think it was from the film "Carry On Cleo" - Bella, it looks and sounds much funnier on screen. A line of Roman soldiers are numbering from the left - first one says "One", next one "One One", next "One One One", next one "One Vee", "Vee" and so on. I don't know if we do know how the Romans said numbers out loud, but we can be sure they didn't say "Ex Vee One One One" for 18. Just an inspired gag, really.

I remembered a similar joke in the same film: Roman soldiers marching down the roads of Britannia with Sergeant-Major shouting: "Sinister, dexter, sinister, dexter!" I followed this up to check: Good joke but IMDB points out a goof: "they march with the handedness incorrectly reversed: calling "sinister" on each right footstep and "dexter" on each left footstep."

[LeMartinPecheur]

I remembered a similar joke in the same film: Roman soldiers marching down the roads of Britannia with Sergeant-Major shouting: "Sinister, dexter, sinister, dexter!" I followed this up to check: Good joke but IMDB points out a goof: "they march with the handedness incorrectly reversed: calling "sinister" on each right footstep and "dexter" on each left footstep."

With words this long wouldn't the centurion need to start them earlier?

[cloughie]

With words this long wouldn't the centurion need to start them earlier?

Dexter scored many runs off the front foot!

[gurnemanz]

Re marching: A recent TV documentary about film soundtracks illustrated the difficulty Malcolm Arnold had fitting Colonel Bogey/River Kwai March to the footage of the chaps marching because they weren't keeping to a strict rhythm. Another problem was that the whistlers couldn't stay in tune so he added a piccolo to help them out.

[Richard Tarleton]

I remembered a similar joke in the same film: Roman soldiers marching down the roads of Britannia with Sergeant-Major shouting: "Sinister, dexter, sinister, dexter!" I followed this up to check: Good joke but IMDB points out a goof: "they march with the handedness incorrectly reversed: calling "sinister" on each right footstep and "dexter" on each left footstep."

There is, or was, much debate on the pace at which Roman soldiers marched. Gibbon discusses it in The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, in which (in the Everyman edn.) he is pursued through the footnotes by the egregious Oliphant Smeaton - to whom we are indebted for drawing our attention to Greaves's Discourse on the Roman Foot.....

[Serial_Apologist]

"Tornado touches down in Hale" - this is not an April Fool's!

[LezLee]

A housewife takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work, but not aware that her 9 year old son was hiding in the wardrobe. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the same wardrobe. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here isn’t it?" Man: "Yes it is." Boy: "I have a cricket ball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "My dad's outside." Man: "OK, how much?" Boy: "£250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the woman's lover are in the wardrobe together.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a cricket bat." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I'll tell." Man: "How much?" Boy: "£750." Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your bat and ball. Let's go outside and have a game of cricket!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says ..........

"Don't start THAT again."

[Serial_Apologist]

A housewife takes a lover during the day while her husband is at work, but not aware that her 9 year old son was hiding in the wardrobe. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the same wardrobe. The boy now has company.

Boy: "Dark in here isn’t it?" Man: "Yes it is." Boy: "I have a cricket ball." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "My dad's outside." Man: "OK, how much?" Boy: "£250."

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the woman's lover are in the wardrobe together.

Boy: "Dark in here." Man: "Yes, it is." Boy: "I have a cricket bat." Man: "That's nice." Boy: "Want to buy it?" Man: "No, thanks." Boy: "I'll tell." Man: "How much?" Boy: "£750." Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your bat and ball. Let's go outside and have a game of cricket!" The boy says, "I can't. I sold them." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" The son says, "£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to over-charge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to church and the father alerts the priest and makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says ..........

"Don't start THAT again."