Current favourite jokes

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  • LeMartinPecheur
    Full Member
    • Apr 2007
    • 4717

    Has anyone tried the new sex position called the Parcelforce?

    Apparently you can stay in for hours but nobody comes!
    I keep hitting the Escape key, but I'm still here!

    Comment

    • Serial_Apologist
      Full Member
      • Dec 2010
      • 37324

      Originally posted by LeMartinPecheur View Post
      Has anyone tried the new sex position called the Parcelforce?

      Apparently you can stay in for hours but nobody comes!
      So, no good, then, for people who are highly strung and not easy to wrap up.

      Comment

      • Nick Armstrong
        Host
        • Nov 2010
        • 26446

        "Copulate"

        = Tardy police response
        "...the isle is full of noises,
        Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
        Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
        Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

        Comment

        • Serial_Apologist
          Full Member
          • Dec 2010
          • 37324

          Originally posted by Caliban View Post
          "Copulate"

          = Tardy police response
          Been on the job too long.

          Comment

          • MickyD
            Full Member
            • Nov 2010
            • 4727

            Originally posted by Caliban View Post
            "Copulate"

            = Tardy police response
            'Let's be 'avin' you...'

            Comment

            • Beef Oven!
              Ex-member
              • Sep 2013
              • 18147

              A man walks into a bread shop and says "a loaf of sliced bread please"

              The assistant says "white or brown"?

              The man replies "it doesn't matter, I have my bike outside"!!!

              Comment

              • BBMmk2
                Late Member
                • Nov 2010
                • 20908

                A spacecraft landed in Schubert’s back garden. The spaceman said to Schubert take me to your Leider!
                Don’t cry for me
                I go where music was born

                J S Bach 1685-1750

                Comment

                • LMcD
                  Full Member
                  • Sep 2017
                  • 8113

                  Originally posted by Brassbandmaestro View Post
                  A spacecraft landed in Schubert’s back garden. The spaceman said to Schubert take me to your Leider!
                  Unfortunately, 'leider' - with a lower case 'e' unless a capital is specifically required - means 'unfortunately'. Unless I'm mistaken, Mahler didn't compose a song cycle entitled 'Unfortunately of a wayfaring lad'.
                  [Perhaps the occupant(s) of the spacecraft had been told to contact the leader of a band, say Harry Leader's dance band].

                  Comment

                  • MickyD
                    Full Member
                    • Nov 2010
                    • 4727

                    Originally posted by Beef Oven! View Post
                    A man walks into a bread shop and says "a loaf of sliced bread please"

                    The assistant says "white or brown"?

                    The man replies "it doesn't matter, I have my bike outside"!!!
                    Sorry for being dim, Beefy, but I don't get it!

                    Comment

                    • LMcD
                      Full Member
                      • Sep 2017
                      • 8113

                      Originally posted by MickyD View Post
                      Sorry for being dim, Beefy, but I don't get it!
                      Ni moi non plus!

                      Comment

                      • Serial_Apologist
                        Full Member
                        • Dec 2010
                        • 37324

                        If you voted for Trump because he's not a politician,
                        then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

                        Comment

                        • johncorrigan
                          Full Member
                          • Nov 2010
                          • 10280

                          I read in the paper yesterday that New Zealand, the home of Manuka honey, produces 1,700 tonnes per year - and yet 10,000 tonnes of Manuka honey is sold worldwide. I bought a jar the other day for £30...I'm worried that I might have been stung.

                          Comment

                          • LMcD
                            Full Member
                            • Sep 2017
                            • 8113

                            Originally posted by johncorrigan View Post
                            I read in the paper yesterday that New Zealand, the home of Manuka honey, produces 1,700 tonnes per year - and yet 10,000 tonnes of Manuka honey is sold worldwide. I bought a jar the other day for £30...I'm worried that I might have been stung.
                            Perhaps someone's trying to make a manukey out of you.

                            Comment

                            • Serial_Apologist
                              Full Member
                              • Dec 2010
                              • 37324

                              Originally posted by LMcD View Post
                              Perhaps someone's trying to make a manukey out of you.
                              Or hive you off.

                              Comment

                              • johncorrigan
                                Full Member
                                • Nov 2010
                                • 10280

                                Originally posted by LMcD View Post
                                Perhaps someone's trying to make a manukey out of you.
                                Actually, L, I was thinking a bit apier, eh?

                                Comment

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