Current favourite jokes

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  • johncorrigan
    Full Member
    • Nov 2010
    • 10348

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    • gurnemanz
      Full Member
      • Nov 2010
      • 7380

      A bear goes into a bar.

      Bear: Good evening. I'd like a ...............................

      Landlord: Why the big pause?

      Comment

      • Richard Barrett
        Guest
        • Jan 2016
        • 6259

        A duck walks into a bar and asks "have you got any rope?"
        The barman says "Sorry, no, we don't." The duck leaves.

        Next day the duck returns and asks "have you got any rope?"
        The barman says "look, I told you yesterday, no. This is a bar not a hardware shop." The duck leaves.

        Next day the duck returns once more and asks "have you got any rope?"
        The barman says "this is getting a bit annoying now. No we have no rope, not today, not ever. Can you just order a drink or go away?" The duck leaves.

        Next day the duck returns yet again and asks "have you got any rope?"
        The barman says "I've had enough now. Get the hell out of here and if you come back again with this idiot question I'm going to nail your feet to the floor." The duck leaves.

        Next day the duck walks in and asks "have you got any nails?"
        The barman says "no."




        The duck asks "have you got any rope?"

        Comment

        • johncorrigan
          Full Member
          • Nov 2010
          • 10348

          A guy walks into a bar with a lump of tarmac under his arm. 'Barman...a pint of lager and one for the road!'

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          • EdgeleyRob
            Guest
            • Nov 2010
            • 12180

            Comment

            • Nick Armstrong
              Host
              • Nov 2010
              • 26523

              Can't help wondering if the juxtaposition on the front page of The Times today was deliberate....





              "...the isle is full of noises,
              Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
              Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
              Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

              Comment

              • Bryn
                Banned
                • Mar 2007
                • 24688

                Originally posted by Caliban View Post
                Can't help wondering if the juxtaposition on the front page of The Times today was deliberate....





                Having seen it on the papers review last night, I was hoping someone would risk News Int's wrath and find a way to post that here.

                Comment

                • Serial_Apologist
                  Full Member
                  • Dec 2010
                  • 37592

                  Originally posted by Richard Barrett View Post
                  A duck walks into a bar and asks "have you got any rope?"
                  The barman says "Sorry, no, we don't." The duck leaves.

                  Next day the duck returns and asks "have you got any rope?"
                  The barman says "look, I told you yesterday, no. This is a bar not a hardware shop." The duck leaves.

                  Next day the duck returns once more and asks "have you got any rope?"
                  The barman says "this is getting a bit annoying now. No we have no rope, not today, not ever. Can you just order a drink or go away?" The duck leaves.

                  Next day the duck returns yet again and asks "have you got any rope?"
                  The barman says "I've had enough now. Get the hell out of here and if you come back again with this idiot question I'm going to nail your feet to the floor." The duck leaves.

                  Next day the duck walks in and asks "have you got any nails?"
                  The barman says "no."




                  The duck asks "have you got any rope?"
                  I see that a recommendation has been made to replace current car horn sounds with duck calls.

                  Would they be known as QUACKSONS?

                  Comment

                  • P. G. Tipps
                    Full Member
                    • Jun 2014
                    • 2978

                    Originally posted by Caliban View Post
                    Can't help wondering if the juxtaposition on the front page of The Times today was deliberate....







                    I see the headline has unsurprisingly changed slightly in a later edition, which I picked up this morning!

                    Comment

                    • johncorrigan
                      Full Member
                      • Nov 2010
                      • 10348

                      Originally posted by Serial_Apologist View Post
                      I see that a recommendation has been made to replace current car horn sounds with duck calls.

                      Would they be known as QUACKSONS?

                      I suppose the question is, 'Who's going to foot the bill?'

                      Comment

                      • MrGongGong
                        Full Member
                        • Nov 2010
                        • 18357

                        I guess we have had the question of how Bob Marley likes his doughnuts ?

                        Comment

                        • johncorrigan
                          Full Member
                          • Nov 2010
                          • 10348

                          Originally posted by MrGongGong View Post
                          I guess we have had the question of how Bob Marley likes his doughnuts ?
                          Is it with custard, MrGG?

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                          • MrGongGong
                            Full Member
                            • Nov 2010
                            • 18357

                            Originally posted by johncorrigan View Post
                            Is it with custard, MrGG?
                            no

                            Comment

                            • MrGongGong
                              Full Member
                              • Nov 2010
                              • 18357

                              Comment

                              • Bryn
                                Banned
                                • Mar 2007
                                • 24688

                                Originally posted by MrGongGong View Post
                                I suppose you think that's funny! It is clear infringement of Handmade copyright.

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