The Fly

[Guest]

I wanted to write a poem about this, but I hadn't the inspiration, or the form, or the guts, or the energy.

A small black fly appeared in my den the day before yesterday. He flitted about, silent, infrequently, at first, catching my eye. Since I was flitting about myself on the computer he decided to join me. I flicked him away from the screen. Repeatedly.

Gradually I became aware that I was going to kill him. I folded a newspaper and laid it to hand. There he was! Plumb in the middle of the screen. A sitting duck. At the last moment I visualised his little contents splattered on the glass, and, pulling my punch, I missed. He got a fright, but did he go away? You know he didn't. But he learned something. He no longer displayed himself, vulnerable, on a flat surface. He picked corners, narrow spaces on my desk, the newspaper that was supposed to be his nemesis, the hand holding the newspaper, the keyboard, my ear. I got the odd chance to have a go at him, each time missing, watching him veer away in the afterdraught of the killer newspaper.

This went on the next day as well, and last night just after closing down he lit on top of a speaker. Flat surface, wipeable material, sacrificial victim - he was just asking for it. Farewell you little demon, you've had your fun, now it's time to pay. There was no sudden dart from under the newspaper as I gave an unnecessarily severe smack to the killing block, but just to make sure I looked for traces. There were none, but he could not have survived that blow, so I searched for a body. Well, he must have vanished down a crack in the woodwork. I can rest assured that he is no more. But what an annoying little monster, and what trouble he caused - and all the size of him!

Today, you've guessed it, he appeared on numeral 2 of my keyboard, and has since been doing the rounds with renewed energy. I've had a change of heart. He's lonely, he needs a friend. The poor little fellow - oh! there he is on my hand as I type - has earned the right to share my space. I've put away the newspaper, and maybe I'll spread a little sugar for him in the morning. He can stay here until it's time for him to go to the winter palace where all good little flies are said to go.

[Serial_Apologist]

He might be your reincarnated great great grandmother...

[PatrickOD]

You've got a point there S_A. I'm not well up in determining the gender of flies - any tips?

[Stillhomewardbound]

Live and let live, I say, unless the pesky fupper is a fuppin, freakin fekkin mozzie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Serial_Apologist]

Guess swat!

[Anna]

That's a lovely story Patrick, have you given your new friend a name? How about Gregor, or Jeff.

We get some flies coming in, I thought it was due to the nearby cattle but these are dozy little beggars that just seem to circle aimlessly, without much purpose in life and then just land and sit there, but pick up a newspaper - and they realise the chase has started and they put a wriggle on. Live and let live as ShB says but I can't be doing with them lurking in the kitchen when I'm cooking. I don't like using fly spray as I certainly don't want to breathe in those chemicals so, with trial and error, I've found that creeping up to them slowly and silently and then zapping with a spurt of anti-bacterial kitchen cleanser immobilises them momentarily so they can then be squished.

[Mandryka]

On our recent holiday in Firenze, Mrs. Mandryka spent the early part of the week trying to persuade the mosquitoes out of the french windows and back into the open air, from whence they'd issued. By the end, however, even she had had enough of them and was swatting away like a trooper.

[amateur51]

Jack Hulbert 'The Flies Crawl Up The Window'

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=11out7Rz3U4

[doversoul1]

Patrick
I have never understood why people want to kill flies when they (flies not people) are just flying about. They are annoying but that’s just how they are. I usually try letting them out the window. The large ones seem to be more intelligent and get the hint soon but not those smaller ones. But there you are. We go stamping around killing things on the ground without ever being aware, which is much the same sort of thing. But don’t get too attached to it or it will upset you every time you see a dead fly.

Anna
Those large black spiders that appear in my bath are Georges and the whipsey ones that live in corners of the bathroom are Georginas. I have a jam jar and an old post card on the bathroom window ledge to catch him/her when s/he is in my way and let him/her out the window or moved to a ‘safe’ place such as behind the laundry basket. George usually gets let out the window.

[PatrickOD]

Anna, my fly is called Freddie the Fearless Fly - a dandy name, if you're old enough to remember!
Unfortunately I have to report that Freddie did not appear today. My numeral 2 is empty and forlorn. No skitterings, no dartings.
Dover, I swear I had nothing to do with it. I keep my trout flies in here, and possibly this fellow had a hand in it.

http://www.theessentialfly.com/trout-fly-fishing-flies-dept/black-peacock-spider-trout-fly.html

[PatrickOD]

Anna, my fly is called Freddie the Fearless Fly - a dandy name, if you're old enough to remember!
Unfortunately I have to report that Freddie did not appear today. My numeral 2 is empty and forlorn. No skitterings, no dartings.
Dover, I swear I had nothing to do with it. I keep my trout flies in here, and possibly this fellow had a hand in it.

http://www.theessentialfly.com/trout-fly-fishing-flies-dept/black-peacock-spider-trout-fly.html

[Serial_Apologist]

We go stamping around killing things on the ground without ever being aware, which is much the same sort of thing.

The worst example in my case being snails that I inadvertently crunch when going out on those warm, humid summer nights when the paths are wet, especially following a thunderstorm. I usually let various creepy-crawlies out, including indoor species such as wood lice, only in case they accidentally get squashed by me, and only making an exception of clothes moths (having recently had a serious infestation) and mosquitoes. To me there's nothing more disturbing than the "eeeeEEEE" of an approaching mosquito in the dead of night. This flat is a haven for spiders!

Nuisance though some of them are, we presumably wouldn't be here were it not for all the other species - most of them allegedly not yet categorised.

Am I right in thinking that it is Jainism that scrupulously tries to avoid killing creatures of any kind? Bacteria included?

[Ferretfancy]

PatrickOD
There's a nice HG Wells story in which two rival lepidopterists hate each other so much that one of them succeeds in demolishing the reputation of the other one, who kills himself. Some time later, working late in his study ( no computers then! ) the survivor notices a very unusual moth on his wall, and makes desperate attempts to catch it, enlisting the services of his housekeeper. Unfortunately, neither she nor any others can see it, and the poor prof. goes mad. Strait jacketed in his bed he has to endure the moth fluttering around his face!
Look out Patrick!
Ferret

[Lateralthinking1]

I liked your story Patrickod.

[Anna]

Freddie the Fearless Fly - I had to look that up, seems it was Beano/Dandy, I think they were the forerunner of Viz?

Dover's colony of Georginas in the bathroom, I have the same, wan, wispy, anorexic, Harvesters, I wonder what on earth they live on. Half of them perish and dangle lifeless.

The big, butch, buzzy flies are no problem, they can be guided towards an open window and I always keep a glass and a postcard handy for any bees that bumble in. Snails in the garden have to run the gauntlet of the frog (Skipper), toad (Parsley) and hedgehog (Jeremy) which keep them in check although sometimes Jeremy's crunching and snuffling is a bit too much late at night. Thrushes like beating the snails to death as well.

I try not to kill any bugs - I let Nature take its course. Each to their own, it's the food chain innit - although I have no hesitation in squashing a mozzie. Sometimes, leaving the kitchen light on the sight of those fearsome cockchafers trying to bash the window in - when you look at their little faces - you do have to wonder at how really beautiful they are. Shield Bugs I do dislike, they stink of something like the worst Christian Dior perfeme.