Barry Cryer 23/03/1935 to 27/01/2022

[Barbirollians]

A woman walks past a petshop and sees a magnificent parrot in the window.
She rushes inside and says, 'How much for the parrot?'
'£5,' says the shopkeeper.
'Only £5? I've got to have it,' says the woman. 'Why's it so cheap?'
'Well, I must confess, it was brought up in a brothel,' said the shopkeeper. 'And, to put it politely, it has quite an extensive vocabulary.'
'Never mind,' says the woman. 'At that price, I'll take it.'
So she takes the parrot home, puts its cage in the living room and takes the cover off.
'New place - very nice,' says the parrot.
Then the woman's two daughters walk in.
'New place, new girls - very nice,' says the parrot.
Then the woman's husband walks in, and the parrot says, 'Oh hello, Keith!'

[Lordgeous]

Excellent. Thanks. Another:

'A man and his wife are out walking one day when they spot a lone fellow on the other side of the road. 'That looks like the Archbishop of Canterbury over there,' says the woman.

'Go and see if it is,' she adds.

'The husband crosses the road and asks the man if he is indeed the Archbishop of Canterbury.

'F**k off,' says the man.

The husband crosses back to his wife who asks 'What did he say? Is he the Archbishop of Canterbury?'

'He told me to f**k off,' says the husband.

'Oh no,' replies the wife, 'Now we'll never know'.'

[Barbirollians]

"Picasso was burgled and did a drawing of the robbers. Police arrested a horse and two sardines."

[kernelbogey]

In 2013, Cryer was asked by the Yorkshire Post for his favourite joke. He answered:

“A man drives down a country lane and runs over a cockerel. He knocks at a nearby farmhouse door and a woman answers.

“‘I appear to have killed your cockerel,’ he says. ‘I’d like to replace it.’ The woman replies: ‘Please yourself – the hens are round the back.’”

[Maclintick]

With characteristic self-deprecation Cryer related the following incident when a London cab-driver recognised his fare
"Eh, guv'nor, you're that Barry Cryer off the telly & radio aren'tcha ?". "You're quite right, I am" admitted BC. "I'm a big fan" responded the cabbie "Can I have your autograph then ?" . " Well, with pleasure, of course" replied a mildly surprised but gratified Cryer. "Oh, don't worry, mate -- just kidding !" laughed the cab-driver.

[johncorrigan]

With characteristic self-deprecation Cryer related the following incident when a London cab-driver recognised his fare
"Eh, guv'nor, you're that Barry Cryer off the telly & radio aren'tcha ?". "You're quite right, I am" admitted BC. "I'm a big fan" responded the cabbie "Can I have your autograph then ?" . " Well, with pleasure, of course" replied a mildly surprised but gratified Cryer. "Oh, don't worry, mate -- just kidding !" laughed the cab-driver.

I have been really enjoying some of Barry's old jokes. Saw him telling this on an old bit of film.

A man is up in court, charged with killing an eagle.
The Judge says, 'This is a very serious offence. What have you to say in your defence.'
Well, your honour,' says the defendant,' it was an accident. I didn't mean to do it.'
'So what happened?' says the judge.
'I was out on a pheasant shoot with friends, and I took aim at a pheasant, but as I shot the eagle passed across the firing line and I hit it, and killed it.'
'Really? And what did you do with the eagle?'
'I ate it, your honour.'
'You ate it!?! And what did it taste like?'
'It tasted a bit like swan.'