Christmas Cracker 'jokes'. Ahem...........

[DracoM]

The top 10 cracker jokes as published in today's Guardian:

1. What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas.

2. Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!

3. Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled.

4. Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity.

5. Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.

6. Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because eventually, it’s behind you.

7. Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn.

8. Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.

9. What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread.

10. Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? Home Alone.

[Petrushka]

5, 6, 7, 9 & 10 are mildly amusing. The so-called 'winner' at number 1 isn't funny at all as it depends on you knowing the Chris Rea song (I had to look it up) and any joke where you have to Google the punchline falls flat on its face. The remainder are less than not funny, not even good 'groaners'.

[DracoM]

Thx for such encouraging response!

[Petrushka]

Thx for such encouraging response!

Mind you, I don't think I could do much better myself! If I had to pick a winner it would be no 7 as it is topical, has a reasonably good pun. pretty well anybody would get it and it's slightly more amusing than the rest.

[Serial_Apologist]

I liked the Virgin flights one, though I expect in these PC times some people will choose to be offended!

[jayne lee wilson]

The top 10 cracker jokes as published in today's Guardian:

1. What is Dominic Cummings’ favourite Christmas song? Driving Home for Christmas.

2. Did you hear that production was down at Santa’s workshop? Many of his workers have had to Elf isolate!

3. Why didn’t Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem? All Virgin flights were cancelled.

4. Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve? They have herd immunity.

5. Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown? Because the “Arrrr!” rate had risen.

6. Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto? Because eventually, it’s behind you.

7. Why couldn’t Mary and Joseph join their work conference call? Because there was no Zoom at the inn.

8. Why can’t Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute? He doesn’t know how many tiers it should have.

9. What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner? They put on a super spread.

10. Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time? Home Alone.

I haven't opened the G yet, so these really lightened up this grey, grey, wet afternoon, when the famous country walk may have to be cancelled..... I thought they were all pretty inventive!

Thanks for the desperately-needed laughs!

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

These are much better than the normal cracker jokes.