Most Outrageous Rhyme Competition

[gurnemanz]

Bob Dylan's Like a Rolling Stone plenty of juicy rhymes. Couple of verses:

Ahh you've gone to the finest schools, alright Miss Lonely
But you know you only used to get juiced in it
Nobody's ever taught you how to live out on the street
And now you're gonna have to get used to it
You say you never compromise
With the mystery tramp, but now you realize
He's not selling any alibis
As you stare into the vacuum of his eyes
And say do you want to make a deal?

How does it feel, how does it feel?
To be on your own, with no direction home
A complete unknown, like a rolling stone

Ah you never turned around to see the frowns
On the jugglers and the clowns when they all did tricks for you
You never understood that it ain't no good
You shouldn't let other people get your kicks for you
You used to ride on a chrome horse with your diplomat
Who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat
Ain't it hard when you discovered that
He really wasn't where it's at
After he took from you everything he could steal

[kernelbogey]

From memory, as I haven't been able to trace the original poem:

Of the two sexes, women are by far the subtler;
But the way they go to work on a pack of cigarettes is equivalent to opening a bottle of champagne by cracking it on the butler.

Ogden Nash

[vinteuil]

From memory, as I haven't been able to trace the original poem:

Of the two sexes, women are by far the subtler;
But the way they go to work on a pack of cigarettes is equivalent to opening a bottle of champagne by cracking it on the butler.

Ogden Nash

... yur tis -

Thoughts Thought after a Bridge Party

All women are pets,
But most women shouldn't be allowed to open a package of cigarettes.

I call down blessings on their bonny heads,
But they can't open a package of cigarettes without tearing it to shreds.

Of the two sexes, women are much the subtler,
But the way they open a package of cigarettes is comparable to opening
a bottle of wine by cracking it on the butler.

Women are my inspiration and my queen,
But as long as they can rip the first cigarette from the package they don't
care what happens to the other nineteen.

Women are my severest friend
But the last nineteen cigarettes in packages opened by them are not only bent
but sere and withered and the tobacco is dribbling out at either end.

Women are creatures of ingenuity and gumption,
Which is why when they finish one cigarette they leave the mutilated nineteen
cigarettes for some man and go to work on a fresh package, thus
leaving thirty-eight mutilated cigarettes for masculine consumption.

Women are ethereal beings, subsisting entirely on chocolate marshmallow
nut sundaes and cantaloupe,
But they open up a package of cigarettes like a lioness opening up an
antelope.

[kernelbogey]

Many thanks Vints!

Nash was a master of outrageous rhymes.

[Leinster Lass]

Isn't it 'strategy/sat-a-gee'? Whichever, it's the work of a mischievous mind!

Of course it is - silly me! Duly corrected.
One from 10 CC: Pina colada / Something harder

[Tapiola]

Parsley
Is gharsley

Ogden Nash


From Sydney zoo an alligator
Was put on board a flying freighter
He ate the pilot and the navigator
Then asked for more with mashed potater

Spike Milligan

[french frank]

Julian Slade/Dorothy Renolds:

They tried to make her marry her brother Ptolemy;
She said, I won't ptolerate Ptolemy to collar me.

[Joseph K]

Me:

His rhythms bring such bliss for Terpsichore
And yet his tones redound to worldly glory

[Nick Armstrong]

Julian Slade/Dorothy Renolds:

They tried to make her marry her brother Ptolemy;
She said, I won't ptolerate Ptolemy to collar me.

Love the Nash examples too.

(Any thread that brings Tapiola back is a good’un)

[french frank]

I can't find the lyrics anywhere on t'internet, but straining to the uttermost the memorious cells of the hippocampus, it followed up with:

Cleopatra
Egypt's answer to Montmartre
Was so respectable a tartra
Her virtue almost seemed a crime.
And no more meaty
Than even luscious Nefertiti
She would reply to each entreaty
"Ptry calling back another ptime."

[vinteuil]

Love the Nash examples too.

... some more Ogden Nash -


from Columbus

So Columbus said, Somebody show me the sunset and somebody did and he set sail for it,
And he discovered America and they put him in jail for it.
And the fetters gave him welts,
And they named America after somebody else.


The Turtle

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so fertile.

.

[kernelbogey]

Tom Lehrer's Elements song ends:

These are the only ones of which the news has come to Harvard,
And there may be many others, but they haven't been discahvered.

[Leinster Lass]

'Lily The Pink' is full of outrageous rhymes, including Ebenezer/Julius Caesar and Eccles/Freckles.

[gurnemanz]

Joni Mitchell, For Free

I slept last night in a good hotel
I went shopping today for jewels
The wind rushed around in the dirty town
And the children let out from the schools

The jewels/schools rhyme might not be outrageous and would work OK as a single syllable rhyme. However, she sings a 2-syllable long-drawn-out jew--ells which is certainly more effective. I have always enjoyed it when to keep the rhyme she then has to sing schoo--ells.

Link

[DoctorT]

Doesn’t P G Wodehouse complain somewhere about someone rhyming ‘Loch Lomond’ with ‘afore ye’?