Most Outrageous Rhyme Competition

[Leinster Lass]

Like the postmistress in Candleford, I have a single weakness - I can't resist lyrics that include truly outrageous rhymes. Members of the Forum are invited to offer up to 3 favourite examples. The 'prize' is the knowledge that you may help cheer others up during these challenging times. My 3 offerings are: Turkey/Albuquerque (Rodgers and Hart), Smidgeon/Pigeon (Tom Lehrer) and Hippopotamus/God Rot 'Em As (Michael Flanders).

[Nick Armstrong]

Can’t beat a bit of Cole Porter

Declaim a few lines from "Othella"
And they think you're a heckuva fella.
If your blonde won't respond when you flatter 'er
Tell her what Tony told Cleopaterer,
And if still, to be shocked, she pretends well,
Just remind her that "All's Well That Ends Well.

Three for the price of one there

[Roslynmuse]

I was thinking Cole Porter too -

With my esophagus he was ravished,
Enthusiastic - to a degree,
He said 'twas just enormous, my appendix vermiformis,
But he never said he loved me.

W S Gilbert is probably the nearest rival:

When in that House M.P.'s divide,
If they've a brain and cerebellum, too,
They've got to leave that brain outside,
And vote just as their leaders tell 'em to.

[vinteuil]

.

... Byron in Don Juan ain't bad neither -

"'T is pity learned virgins ever wed
With persons of no sort of education,
Or gentlemen, who, though well born and bred,
Grow tired of scientific conversation:
I don't choose to say much upon this head,
I 'm a plain man, and in a single station,
But — Oh! ye lords of ladies intellectual,
Inform us truly, have they not hen-peck'd you all?"

.

[teamsaint]

Hersham Boys, Hersham Boys
Lace up boots and corduroys.....

[french frank]

Alan Jay Lerner:

"Her English is too good", he said,
"That clearly indicates that she is foreign.
Whereas others are instructed in their native language
English people orren." (sp?)

[Joseph K]

.

... Byron in Don Juan ain't bad neither -

"'T is pity learned virgins ever wed
With persons of no sort of education,
Or gentlemen, who, though well born and bred,
Grow tired of scientific conversation:
I don't choose to say much upon this head,
I 'm a plain man, and in a single station,
But — Oh! ye lords of ladies intellectual,
Inform us truly, have they not hen-peck'd you all?"

.

One of my favourite works of literature...

[Dermot]

The larks, when the summer has brought 'em,
Will sing overtures quite like Mozart's,
And the blackberries, dear, in the autumn
Will make the most exquisite tarts!

C. S. Calverley

[Pabmusic]

Can’t beat a bit of Cole Porter...

No, you can't:

I get no kick in a plane
Flying too high with some guy in the sky
Is my idea of nothing to do
Yet, I get a kick out of you

But W. S. Gilbert wouldn't play along:

There was a young man from Dundee
Who was horribly stung by a wasp.
When asked, "Does it hurt?"
He replied, "No it doesn't -
I'm so glad it wasn't a hornet".

[makropulos]

Can't do better than Cole Porter, but I love this one from "You Could Drive a Person Crazy" from Sondheim's Company:
When a person’s personality is personable
He shouldn’t oughta sit like a lump
It’s harder than matador coercin’ a bull
To try to get you off of your rump.

Personable/Coercin' a bull –love it.

[Leinster Lass]

Can't do better than Cole Porter, but I love this one from "You Could Drive a Person Crazy" from Sondheim's Company:
When a person’s personality is personable
He shouldn’t oughta sit like a lump
It’s harder than matador coercin’ a bull
To try to get you off of your rump.

Personable/Coercin' a bull –love it.

W S Gilbert - Strategy/Sat a Gee
Cole Porter - Harris pat/Paris hat

[Roslynmuse]

W S Gilbert - Saturday/Sat a Gee
Cole Porter - Harris pat/Paris hat

Isn't it 'strategy/sat-a-gee'? Whichever, it's the work of a mischievous mind!

[gradus]

The sleepless nights, the daily fights
The quick toboggan when you reach the heights
I miss the kisses and I miss the bites

The broken dates, the endless waits
The lovely loving and the hateful hates
The conversation with the flying plates
I wish I were in love again

The pulled out fur of cat and cur
The fine mis mating of a him and her

The furtive sigh, the blackened eye
The words, "I love you till the day I die"
The self deception that believes the lie

When love congeals, it soon reveals
The faint aroma of performing seals
The double crossing of a pair of heels

Lorenz Hart

[johncorrigan]

'We are the Custard Pie Appreciation Consortium
God save the George Cross and all those who were awarded them'

'We are the Sherlock Holmes English Speaking Vernacular
Help save Fu Manchu, Moriarty, and Dracula'

Sir Ray Davies - 'Village Green Preservation Society'

[cloughie]

One of the best is pneumonia and phone ya by Hal David for Bacharach’s I’ll never fall in love again but there are some lovely ones by Carolyn Leigh for Cy Coleman’s for
When in Rome I do as the Roman’s do

When on foreign shores I am, very truly yours I am,
But if inclined to play I am, sweetheart, that's the way I am.

When in Spain for reasons I don't explain, I remain enjoying a brew.
Don't deplore my fondness for Fundador,
You know how a Fundador can lead to a few
And baby when in Rome I do as the Romans do!

If per chance I'm saying farewell to France, and romance drops in from the blue,
Chere amour, I beg of you please endure,
My taking a brief detour with somebody new.
It's just that when in Rome I do as the Romans do.

And though from Italy I lie to you prettily,
Why think of me bitterly? But know that I'm true.
‘Cept now and then in Rome, I get that old yen in Rome,
And naturally, when in Rome I do as the Romans do.

If I write happily best wishes from Napoli,
Don't cable me snappily, to tell me we're through.
'Cause once again in Rome, in somebody's den in Rome,
Well pussycat, then in Rome I do as the Romans,
Disregard the signs and the omens,
When in Rome I do as the Romans do.

Then there’s another in Lorenz Hart’s lyrics for Lady is a tramp

Alas she missed the Beaux Arts Ball and what is twice as sad
Was never at a party where they honoured Noel Ca-ad.