Grumble Thread

[kernelbogey]

In my village we have suffered from the local authority putting the traffic wardening out to a private provider. Whereas the directly-employed wardens had not worked on Sundays, so we got away with modest infringements, the private lot have been energetic on Sundays, surprising locals by ticketing them (legitimately) for offence such as parking on a single yellow line.

A neighbour has however successfully challenged a fine imposed for parking on a single yellow line in our street that had been erroneously laid some years ago. All of us in the street knew that it had no authority and the previous wardens knew this and desisted from ticketing those who parked on it. A mighty effort by my neighbour has extracted an acknowledgement from the local authority that the line is a mistake and a promise to erase it.

A waggish friend a few years ago addressed a warden in the act of writing out a parking ticket, saying 'You do know that the yellow lines in this village are purely decorative, don't you?'.

[vinteuil]

... when addressing an envelope to a married woman it was the custom to use the husband's initial before the (shared) surname.

... not only a married woman - also when addressing a letter to a widow. If you used her name or initial the implication was that she was a divorcee rather than a widow.
When my father died in 1983 it took some time for us to agree that it wd be all right to use my mother's first name on correspondence...

[Pulcinella]

... not only a married woman - also when addressing a letter to a widow. If you used her name or initial the implication was that she was a divorcee rather than a widow.
When my father died in 1983 it took some time for us to agree that it wd be all right to use my mother's first name on correspondence...

I thought it reverted to the woman's initial on becoming widowed.

There's a lot to be said for the Quaker tradition: no titles, just Jane Smith and Jack Jones, regardless of marital status, with correspondence being addressed to the person using such a designation: Dear Jane Smith; Dear Jack Jones.

[smittims]

I had hoped we'd moved on from the days of 'Mrs. Patrick Campbell' and 'Mrs. Christopher Lowther'. It stems from the days when it was said with complete seriousness 'before her marriage nothing but good should be heard of a lady , and after her marriage, nothing at all'.

When Elisabeth Lutyens' music was first played at the Proms she was named in the press as 'Sir Edwin Lutyens' daughter ' and 'Mrs. Euan Wallace's sister'.

[Old Grumpy]

I thought it reverted to the woman's initial on becoming widowed.

There's a lot to be said for the Quaker tradition: no titles, just Jane Smith and Jack Jones, regardless of marital status, with correspondence being addressed to the person using such a designation: Dear Jane Smith; Dear Jack Jones.

I like that - especially useful nowadays!

[Serial_Apologist]

I like that - especially useful nowadays!

It's been my practice for several years now for friends and relatives, except for those few remaining of the generation or half-generation preceding mine.

[oddoneout]

... not only a married woman - also when addressing a letter to a widow. If you used her name or initial the implication was that she was a divorcee rather than a widow.
When my father died in 1983 it took some time for us to agree that it wd be all right to use my mother's first name on correspondence...

And widows themselves wouldn't necessarily want to remove their husband's name/initial. A couple of my mother's friends chose to keep the husband's name/initial if they had always used it. My godmother, otherwise a very independent thinking sort of woman, certainly did, as he was the love of her life and changing the form of address simply reinforced the the fact of her loss in a way she didn't want. Writing him out was how she put it. I had always used Mrs plus her own name when addressing correspondence to her, rather than the Mrs[husband initial] form so I was OK on that front after she was widowed. Mind you, my oh so strict maternal grandfather thought it was wrong, even more so as I used a nickname she'd been given rather than her Christian name, for a child to be addressing an adult that way. Godmother heard about the grumbling and told him that was how she had suggested I address her. I was 7 or so at the time and just getting properly into writing letters to relatives and it all seemed a real fuss for him to be making.

[Old Grumpy]

And widows themselves wouldn't necessarily want to remove their husband's name/initial. A couple of my mother's friends chose to keep the husband's name/initial if they had always used it. My godmother, otherwise a very independent thinking sort of woman, certainly did, as he was the love of her life and changing the form of address simply reinforced the the fact of her loss in a way she didn't want. Writing him out was how she put it. I had always used Mrs plus her own name when addressing correspondence to her, rather than the Mrs[husband initial] form so I was OK on that front after she was widowed. Mind you, my oh so strict maternal grandfather thought it was wrong, even more so as I used a nickname she'd been given rather than her Christian name, for a child to be addressing an adult that way. Godmother heard about the grumbling and told him that was how she had suggested I address her. I was 7 or so at the time and just getting properly into writing letters to relatives and it all seemed a real fuss for him to be making.

It can be a real minefield!

[Pulcinella]

Matthew and Ffion, whose engagement is announced in today's Times, have parents who are a bit more enlightened than the writer of the Court Circular is:

MR M. G. ARMSTRONG AND MISS F. L. HOLLOWAY
The engagement is announced between Matthew, son of Dr Janet Armstrong and Mr Patrick Armstrong MBE of Jersey, and Ffion, daughter of Mrs Kathryn Holloway and Mr Timothy Holloway of West Kirby.

[smittims]

What interests me there is that the groom-to-be is mentioned first, yet, with the parents,the mother is mentioned first in both cases. I'm used to the bride-to-be mentioned first , since the announcement is usually made by her parents, and the father mentioned first in both cases.

So yes, wedding-etiquette can be a minefield . I believe some people still congratulate the groom but not the bride; I think this is because the bride-to-be is not suposed to have 'achieved' or 'won' anything, but has accepted the offer, so she is given instead best wishes for her future happiness.

I've no doubt feminists fume and scorn all this; but I don't care for the fad for calling the Princess of Wales 'Kate Middleton' which she hasn't been now for many years.

[Pulcinella]

What interests me there is that the groom-to-be is mentioned first, yet, with the parents,the mother is mentioned first in both cases. I'm used to the bride-to-be mentioned first , since the announcement is usually made by her parents, and the father mentioned first in both cases.

So yes, wedding-etiquette can be a minefield . I believe some people still congratulate the groom but not the bride; I think this is because the bride-to-be is not suposed to have 'achieved' or 'won' anything, but has accepted the offer, so she is given instead best wishes for her future happiness.

I've no doubt feminists fume and scorn all this; but I don't care for the fad for calling the Princess of Wales 'Kate Middleton' which she hasn't been now for many years.

But she was for many years before she became Princess of Wales (or even Duchess of Cambridge)!

All today's Times engagements are listed as

Mr X Whatever and Miss Y Whoever
The engagement is announced between X (male) and Y (female).

[Old Grumpy]

So yes, wedding-etiquette can be a minefield . I believe some people still congratulate the groom but not the bride; I think this is because the bride-to-be is not suposed to have 'achieved' or 'won' anything, but has accepted the offer, so she is given instead best wishes for her future happiness.

Utterly ridiculous isn't it?

[french frank]

Utterly ridiculous isn't it?

I was pleased that my nephew chose his younger sister to be his best man.

[Serial_Apologist]

I've no doubt feminists fume and scorn all this; but I don't care for the fad for calling the Princess of Wales 'Kate Middleton' which she hasn't been now for many years.

It's her stage name!

[Serial_Apologist]

I was pleased that my nephew chose his younger sister to be his best man.

HIS?????!!!