A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum

[oddoneout]

Anyone going in there asking "How's business?" can expect to be told "Pretty dead these days".

Having just returned from the local shopping centre (just under a mile away) it never ceases to amaze me how shopping patterns can vary so widely at this time of year with regards to everyday needs. Midway through yesterday afternoon I popped into the local Sainsbury's, just to see if they were stocking my usual brand of vapes. The place was absolutely crammed - so much so that the queue for the self-service checkouts was snaking all around the isles and back to the entrance so you could hardly get into the premises; the outside shopping trolley area was bare. I then made an unsuccessful circular trip to different outlets normally stocking the vapes which included West Norwood, Herne Hill and Sydenham. Ten minutes after that first stop, the Sainsbury's branch in W Norwood had just four people queuing; similarly Tescos in Herne Hill ten minutes later, and Sydenham mini Tescos, where I found what I was looking for, twenty minutes after that. Today, similar: Upper Norwood Sainsbury's once again crammed full. So I went round the corner to Iceland. I really should have the sense to use Iceland more often: they are cheaper than Sainsbury's or Tescos, have almost everything I usually get apart from the brown bread I like best, including a wider and in some respects more interesting range of deep frozen produce, particularly fish. Today there were only four other customers present, and just the one checkout person needed - a friendly middle-aged woman; none of the fiddly self-check nonesense. The bill, which included 5 single convenience microwaveable items, double choc digestive package, half pint of milk and some Greggs pastries, amounted to a mere £20.20, including for the 10% over-60s discount I don't think other firms offer. I don't normally make comparisons between retailers, but I reckon I would have paid at least 10% more for my usual Sainsbury's and Tescos foodstuffs. Why the place isn't attracting the numbers going to the Sainsburys five minutes' walk away, goodness only knows.

Shunning Iceland is often a snobby thing. As was the case with Lidl and Aldi the assumption is that inexpensive food is poor quality. A neighbour who had to shield during Covid due to a serious health condition got herself into a real state about being faced with a choice of having an Iceland delivery quickly or going at least a week without food supplies(not an option with two boys to feed!), or a fortnight for her preferred Waitrose. She admitted she had never been in the store and her view was based on assumptions and, as she admitted, snobbishness. She was surprised to find that it was nowhere near as "bad" as she had supposed. I used the shop in town a lot when I had a family to feed, not least as it was in walking distance whereas the choice otherwise involved the car and varying distances.Nowadays the people going in and out of the town store probably tend to reinforce the view about the quality of what's on offer, somewhat inevitably perhaps with Tesco on the edge of town and "everyone" accustomed to using a car to shop, or getting deliveries from their preferred big 4 store. I don't need, or have space to store, the quantities their packs come in so rarely visit now. The Tuesday oldies discount is popular and fits conveniently with the small market( the main one is on Friday), for those who depend on Shanks' pony or buses.

[Serial_Apologist]

Shunning Iceland is often a snobby thing. As was the case with Lidl and Aldi the assumption is that inexpensive food is poor quality. A neighbour who had to shield during Covid due to a serious health condition got herself into a real state about being faced with a choice of having an Iceland delivery quickly or going at least a week without food supplies(not an option with two boys to feed!), or a fortnight for her preferred Waitrose. She admitted she had never been in the store and her view was based on assumptions and, as she admitted, snobbishness. She was surprised to find that it was nowhere near as "bad" as she had supposed. I used the shop in town a lot when I had a family to feed, not least as it was in walking distance whereas the choice otherwise involved the car and varying distances.Nowadays the people going in and out of the town store probably tend to reinforce the view about the quality of what's on offer, somewhat inevitably perhaps with Tesco on the edge of town and "everyone" accustomed to using a car to shop, or getting deliveries from their preferred big 4 store. I don't need, or have space to store, the quantities their packs come in so rarely visit now. The Tuesday oldies discount is popular and fits conveniently with the small market( the main one is on Friday), for those who depend on Shanks' pony or buses.

Peered into from outside the premises, Iceland branches do look austere with the long rows of waist-level deep freeze compartments and hard-to-distinguish tinned and other non-frozen items positioned on shelves along the back, it is true; but the sparseness of shoppers within was a strong attraction at this time of the year when people are crowding better-known retailers and piling up the trolleys. I went back to Iceland today and bought two jars of Golden Shred, three small tins of Heinz baked beans in a package, and a large packet of Shredded Wheat, completing all my food needs up to the New Year (apart from milk I can get at the garage just up the road): £10 in all, which I think is remarkable. I shall be a committed inverted snob from now on!

[french frank]

I think I mentioned the closure of my local bank (and all other local bank branches). I was therefore thrown back this morning on trying to contact the bank (L**yd*) via their website and was connected to a bot. This was the point at which I gave up:

"No, I just wanted information." PAUSE. "How much did you want to transfer?" "Nothing. I'm asking for information." "I'm sorry. How much did you want to transfer?" "I don't want to transfer anything. I'm asking about bank transfers.' "You want to transfer W billions, X millions, Y thousands, Z hundreds and ***. Is this correct?" [It was bns, mns, ks &c but didn't register the exact numbers,]. "NOOOOOOOO!, you're insane!" "I'm sorry how much ...?" SILENCE. "Would you like to speak to an agent?" "YESSSSS ***********." "Please hold."

I expected a reproving message: "Lloyds bank has a zero tolerance policy of abuse towards its staff. Gidbye." (They always sign off "Gidbye.")

[Serial_Apologist]

I think I mentioned the closure of my local bank (and all other local bank branches). I was therefore thrown back this morning on trying to contact the bank (L**yd*) via their website and was connected to a bot. This was the point at which I gave up:

"No, I just wanted information." PAUSE. "How much did you want to transfer?" "Nothing. I'm asking for information." "I'm sorry. How much did you want to transfer?" "I don't want to transfer anything. I'm asking about bank transfers.' "You want to transfer W billions, X millions, Y thousands, Z hundreds and ***. Is this correct?" [It was bns, mns, ks &c but didn't register the exact numbers,]. "NOOOOOOOO!, you're insane!" "I'm sorry how much ...?" SILENCE. "Would you like to speak to an agent?" "YESSSSS ***********." "Please hold."

I expected a reproving message: "Lloyds bank has a zero tolerance policy of abuse towards its staff. Gidbye." (They always sign off "Gidbye.")

I have always known it was possible to abuse robots ever since feeling pity for Gemma Chan the humanoid "synth" in "Humans" on Channel 4, back in 2015.

[johncorrigan]

Mrs C decided to explore more affordable ink cartridges for the printer as she has to print out good quality versions of her art images. She came upon a company online and decided to follow it up. Chloe, the extremely friendly and enthusiastic woman from the company immediately phoned her, and of course offered a special deal - just the same as the branded product she claimed. My Wife decided to try it out. The cartridges arrived promptly and she installed immediately to try them out. They proved to be less than suitable to her keen artistic eye; and after reassurance that even my less than keen eye could notice the difference she phoned Chloe to say that the cartridges were no use to her and could she go with her original order of the branded cartridges. Chloe apologised, said she should just recycle the unsuitable ones, and they would send the new cartridges immediately. As if by magic, the new cartridges arrived next day. In the package was an envelope from the company which read: 'Last time we messed up, sorry! Last time around we failed to make you see how important you are to us, so please accept our cup of tea. We value your custom, so, what we hope you will do is come shop with us again, but first, have a brew!'
Inside the envelope were five tea bags; those individually wrapped Tetley tea bags; and an invite to have a brew with the company on social, where, apparently, we can share our cup of tea photo and tag the company.

Maybe it's just me, but I found the whole thing hilarious and yet strangely nice - five Tetley tea bags for Mrs C's troubles.

[oddoneout]

Mrs C decided to explore more affordable ink cartridges for the printer as she has to print out good quality versions of her art images. She came upon a company online and decided to follow it up. Chloe, the extremely friendly and enthusiastic woman from the company immediately phoned her, and of course offered a special deal - just the same as the branded product she claimed. My Wife decided to try it out. The cartridges arrived promptly and she installed immediately to try them out. They proved to be less than suitable to her keen artistic eye; and after reassurance that even my less than keen eye could notice the difference she phoned Chloe to say that the cartridges were no use to her and could she go with her original order of the branded cartridges. Chloe apologised, said she should just recycle the unsuitable ones, and they would send the new cartridges immediately. As if by magic, the new cartridges arrived next day. In the package was an envelope from the company which read: 'Last time we messed up, sorry! Last time around we failed to make you see how important you are to us, so please accept our cup of tea. We value your custom, so, what we hope you will do is come shop with us again, but first, have a brew!'
Inside the envelope were five tea bags; those individually wrapped Tetley tea bags; and an invite to have a brew with the company on social, where, apparently, we can share our cup of tea photo and tag the company.

Maybe it's just me, but I found the whole thing hilarious and yet strangely nice - five Tetley tea bags for Mrs C's troubles.

Well, it's a more imaginative way to get advertising certainly! It's probably pretty effective at getting responses from folk who wouldn't otherwise do so as well, and admitting a mistake and apologising works well in customer service terms - defuses(or diffuses as commonly spelled...) irritation.

[Pulcinella]

Well, it's a more imaginative way to get advertising certainly! It's probably pretty effective at getting responses from folk who wouldn't otherwise do so as well, and admitting a mistake and apologising works well in customer service terms - defuses(or diffuses as commonly spelled...) irritation.

The tea would diffuse nicely out of its bag.

[johncorrigan]

The tea would diffuse nicely out of its bag.

It's all those perforations, I seem to recall, Pulcinella.

[gradus]

On COTW just now a reported meeting between Evelyn Waugh and Stravinsky; it seems so unlikely.

[LMcD]

On COTW just now a reported meeting between Evelyn Waugh and Stravinsky; it seems so unlikely.

Robert Craft introduced Waugh to Stravinsky during the former's lecture tour of America in 1949.
(Source: The Evelyn Waugh Society)

[Serial_Apologist]

A young woman cyclist just now stopped to push her bike up one of the steep paths near where I live, her daughter of about ten, a dozen yards behind, also dismounting.

Mother: "Did you just say my butt was wiggling as I was cycling, dear?"

Daughter: "NO Mum, I SAID your BUM was wiggling!"



In Sainsburys earlier, a woman was taking a potted hyacinth through the checkout. "Is it your birthday?" I asked, expecting a smiling "No" to such an absurd question. She replied, "It so happens it is my birthday - tomorrow!".

[Pulcinella]

Today's Home Help question in the Sunday Times:

When I brush my teeth, how do I prevent water and toothpaste running down my arm on to my dressing-gown sleeve?

My suggestion:

Don't wear your dressing gown!

[Roger Webb]

On COTW just now a reported meeting between Evelyn Waugh and Stravinsky; it seems so unlikely.

A more unlikely meeting was probably that between Nabokov and John Wayne. Kubrick had invited Nabokov to a cocktail party in Hollywood after the release of 'Lolita'.

On shaking hands with Wayne, Nabokov enquired '...and what do you do Mr Wayne'.

[french frank]

On shaking hands with Wayne, Nabokov enquired '...and what do you do Mr Wayne'.

Real name Marion Morrison (Wayne's real name, I mean).

Trip this morning to Tesco to seek out French cheeses and a half bottle of sweet white. On being asked whether I had a card I thoughtlessly produced my Co-op member card - to the hilarity of the assistant and people next to me in the queue, in a "Haha, that's given you away" kind of manner. I had to explain that, whereas the Co-op was my regular supermarket, Tesco was my go-to deli, and I was duly thanked for my custom.

[Serial_Apologist]

Real name Marion Morrison (Wayne's real name, I mean).

Trip this morning to Tesco to seek out French cheeses and a half bottle of sweet white. On being asked whether I had a card I thoughtlessly produced my Co-op member card - to the hilarity of the assistant and people next to me in the queue, in a "Haha, that's given you away" kind of manner. I had to explain that, whereas the Co-op was my regular supermarket, Tesco was my go-to deli, and I was duly thanked for my custom.

I read that as "Tesco was my go-to hell" before putting my glasses on!