A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum

[Eine Alpensinfonie]

A young man remarked "Nice coat!" as he passed by me earlier this afternoon. "Nah", I replied, smiling, "cheap and nasty!"

It was only then that I noticed he was wearing an identical coat to mine!

[Serial_Apologist]

Did he feel the cloth? Still got your Rolex?

If you could call quilted nylon "cloth", then no!

[Joseph K]

Ten Words Which Don't Exist But Should:

(I love number 9!)

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lollipop) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs/debris.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a cinema/theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until they finally decide to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the 'open here' spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

A neologism that I coined a while ago is 'perverseverence' - it's quite apposite for the way I experience things generally. Persevering perversely.

[LezLee]

Pig starts farm fire by excreting pedometer.

Firefighters in North Yorkshire have tackled a blaze that broke out after a pig swallowed a pedometer which then combusted in its pen after excretion.
The fire crews were called to a blaze covering 75 square metres at four pigpens in Bramham, near Leeds, on Saturday afternoon.

The North Yorkshire fire and rescue service said the fire was caused by “nature taking its course” and copper from the pedometer battery reacting with dry hay and the pigpen’s contents.

The pedometer was being used to prove the animal was free range and had been taken off one of its fellow pigs.

No animals were harmed as a result of the fire.

[Serial_Apologist]

Pig starts farm fire by excreting pedometer.

Firefighters in North Yorkshire have tackled a blaze that broke out after a pig swallowed a pedometer which then combusted in its pen after excretion.
The fire crews were called to a blaze covering 75 square metres at four pigpens in Bramham, near Leeds, on Saturday afternoon.

The North Yorkshire fire and rescue service said the fire was caused by “nature taking its course” and copper from the pedometer battery reacting with dry hay and the pigpen’s contents.

The pedometer was being used to prove the animal was free range and had been taken off one of its fellow pigs.

No animals were harmed as a result of the fire.

They've all moved on!

[LMcD]

According to the BBC News report (red button), the fire brigade said they attended in order to 'save the bacon'.

[Serial_Apologist]

One waits to hear stories about the 2 metre distance from other people recommendation.

Yesterday while out on the bike, cycling along a path that is used both by cyclists and pedestrians, I was overtaken by a younger cyclist giving me the widest berth imaginable by diverting from the path and onto the long grass. Ahead of me at varying distances were a number of elderly couples, all wisely keeping to one side of the path, which is a good 3 metres wide. In each case the cyclist - who seemed to be in a mad hurry - swerved violently onto the grass to pass them at a good ten metres' distance, before resuming his way along the path.

This morning, while shoppng in the local Tesco Express, I did my best to observe the 2 metre distancing requirement, including while waiting in the short queue to pay. Almost immediately an elderly man standing directly behind me dropped his walking stick on my foot. I picked it up and handed it to him, receiving no word of thanks, and moved a few paces to my left to restore the 2 metre gap - whereupon he again moved right up to me! This happened twice more. I remained silent, not wishing to create a scene - but the fact of the matter is that should either one of us have already been infected, I would have been the more likely to have caught the Covid-19.

[Joseph K]

One waits to hear stories about the 2 metre distance from other people recommendation.

My mum has just returned from New Zealand (just in the nick of time) and told me about the 2 metre thing. We've agreed, however, that it is somewhat futile adhering to this rule with someone you're living with (i.e. between me and her). I walked to a supermarket today and we queued as usual, no sign of people trying to keep 2 metre distance. I was somewhat surprised to find most the chocolate bars had gone, but not surprised that all but the most expensive tissues had gone.

They've only had a handful of cases in New Zealand, and Singapore, where my mum stayed to and from NZ, has had no deaths. However, for the next couple of weeks it'll be me walking to the shops for food.

[greenilex]

Just thought about a short ballet called Two Metres Queue...but what music?

[Pulcinella]

Just thought about a short ballet called Two Metres Queue...but what music?

Haydn's Unpaukenmesse: Don't mass in time of war

[greenilex]

Excellent...more Haydn the better.

[Pulcinella]

Just thought about a short ballet called Two Metres Queue...but what music?

Varese: Ion-isolation

Stravinsky: Jeu de shopping cartes

[oddoneout]

Excellent...more Haydn the better.

Haydn in plain sight, or self isolation?

[LMcD]

Edward German's 'Merrie England' might cheer people up.

[MrGongGong]

Edward German's 'Merrie England' might cheer people up.

To the woods with a bottle of whisky and a revolver more like

BUT whatever floats .....