Loneliness

[Dave2002]

I'm not suggesting that any of us here are lonely, though probably some are, and I have felt that way sometimes in the past.

There was an interesting programme on BBC One last night which gave examples, and also some factors. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06vkhr5

One basic theme was that loneliness often occurs after some dramatic event, such as divorce or bereavement. However, it is not limited to people of a certain age group, or gender.

Also, some of the people interviewed stated that they were lonely, even though they had family and friends with whom they interacted, so it isn't always an issue of lack of human contact. On the other hand some people hardly ever met anyone else, nor had conversations.

Does music help people, or even writing/reading forum messages?

Something to think about, perhaps.

[Nick Armstrong]

Didn't see that but by coincidence there was an interesting companion-piece on Radio 4extra the other day

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0076xh3

I found Lucy Mangan's contributions in that radio programme both very amusing and reflecting almost exactly my own feelings / experiences on the subject!

[gurnemanz]

Before I bumped into my wife 43 years ago I often felt very lonely and music definitely helped. As a student I had a poster of Beethoven in Byronic pose on my wall (good old Athena Reproductions). He seemed to be a kindred spirit lonely person, desperate to communicate with his fellow humans through his art ("von Herzen, möge es zu Herzen gehen"). Since then we have hardly been apart and amazingly still get on well, doing most things together. Now my wife still works and I don't, it is odd to be on my own a lot during the day but I can't say I ever feel lonely, just pleased to have peace and quiet after a long teaching career and to have time to read, listen to music, play tennis, watch TV, do the garden etc whenever I want to ... and dabble around on here, of course.

[johncorrigan]

I'm not suggesting that any of us here are lonely, though probably some are, and I have felt that way sometimes in the past.

There was an interesting programme on BBC One last night which gave examples, and also some factors. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b06vkhr5

One basic theme was that loneliness often occurs after some dramatic event, such as divorce or bereavement. However, it is not limited to people of a certain age group, or gender.

Also, some of the people interviewed stated that they were lonely, even though they had family and friends with whom they interacted, so it isn't always an issue of lack of human contact. On the other hand some people hardly ever met anyone else, nor had conversations.

Does music help people, or even writing/reading forum messages?

Something to think about, perhaps.

Thanks Dave. I didn't notice this programme but will make a point of looking it out. As they say, you can feel lonely in a roomful of people. It's a big health and wellbeing issue in society. It can be easy for people to lose confidence in themselves and disappear from view and not know how to re-engage with their communities after some big change in their situation whether break-up, retiral, bereavement etc. I've got a pal who retired and says that music has been a real lifeline for some of the people who play with him, and himself. He meets and plays with guys of all ages from 18 to 70 playing together, some to relieve the stress of work, some to stay in contact with old friends and almost to have a justification for going out. He says they play together once a week, argue about what they should be playing, laugh, go for an after-drink together and then rehearse/arrange themselves in between. He says it can get pretty competitive but he says he loves that mixture of ages and musical ideas, and he says he plays better now than he ever had the chance to do when he worked. And he's in touch with more than just his family.

[eighthobstruction]

....Very good programmme...almost avoided it....but glad I saw at least half of it....very good PSB TV....well angled, that did not preach....v good direction....

[richardfinegold]

Mental Health Experts estimate that about half the population will have at least 1 clinical depressive episode in their lifetime (although they may not necessarily seek Professional help0. Addiction experts think that many people try to self medicate their way through this with Drugs and Alcohol.

[Dave2002]

Mental Health Experts estimate that about half the population will have at least 1 clinical depressive episode in their lifetime (although they may not necessarily seek Professional help0. Addiction experts think that many people try to self medicate their way through this with Drugs and Alcohol.

Richard

Seems very likely, and also I think many people do try to self medicate, though surely that's not always bad. Some (but not all) people may have a pretty good idea of what works for them.

My understanding is that clinical depression is rather more serious than just feeling a bit bored/lonely/sad for a while, and that "normal" people who feel sad for a day or so, and maybe even have a few drinks those days, are not really in danger. However, if people do fall into a pattern of behaviour in which they rely on drugs, drinks or even self harm, then that is something to be avoided, and people exhibiting that need help. One problem might be that the behaviour does not go noticed by anyone who could help, as they may isolate themselves from others - which in itself is not a bad thing. Some people do like being alone.

Over here there was a radio report a few days ago - actually about social media - and the need (particularly for youngish people) to have almost constant stimulation. Some evidence of this is that many people check their mobile phones several times each hour. One thing mentioned was that many people don't know how to "just do nothing" even for a few minutes, and there was mention of a recent experiment in which people were asked to just sit and "do nothing" for a while - perhaps 10 - 15 minutes. However there were things they could "play with" and one was a device which could administer electric shocks - presumably sufficiently strong to be painful. Apparently a significant number of subjects would start to self harm with electric shocks after a period as short as 6 minutes. I don't know enough about this experiment - but presumably it has been written up properly somewhere. This is quite surprising - the idea that people would rather self harm than cope with doing nothing.

Another topical issue here today is the revised (downwards) guidelines on alcohol consumption, which HMG is now advising should be not more than 15 units/week for both men and women. Perhaps some of us will need a whisky or G&T now while we contemplate this new "constraint" on our lives! [Actually, despite contributing to threads on beer, gin and whisky, my own consumption is I think rather low, in comparison with many, and most of my friends and acquaintances. I would say that, wouldn't I?]

[Beef Oven!]

Before I bumped into my wife 43 years ago I often felt very lonely and music definitely helped. As a student I had a poster of Beethoven in Byronic pose on my wall (good old Athena Reproductions). He seemed to be a kindred spirit lonely person, desperate to communicate with his fellow humans through his art ("von Herzen, möge es zu Herzen gehen"). Since then we have hardly been apart and amazingly still get on well, doing most things together. Now my wife still works and I don't, it is odd to be on my own a lot during the day but I can't say I ever feel lonely, just pleased to have peace and quiet after a long teaching career and to have time to read, listen to music, play tennis, watch TV, do the garden etc whenever I want to ... and dabble around on here, of course.

Although there is something odd, that I can't quite put my finger on, about.....

"Before I bumped into my wife 43 years ago...."

[oddoneout]

I live alone and am sometimes lonely and find that music doesn't always help at such times. For me it's a rather different situation from feeling emotionally low, when music(chosen carefully!) can be a positive influence. If, for instance, I've listened to a concert on the radio, not having anyone to talk about it with only increases the sense of loneliness if I'm having a low patch. A forum can be a partial substitute in such circumstances.
I too thought this was an excellent(if rather sad) programme, and showed how sensitive filming, intelligent editing, and limited and purely factual commentary can convey the subject matter powerfully and effectively.

[Dave2002]

Although there is something odd, that I can't quite put my finger on, about.....

"Before I bumped into my wife 43 years ago...."

I think fingers need to be kept well away ....

[BBMmk2]

Thanks for this Dave! Yes on the news, they were saying that loneliness, could be classified as an illness, I heard? I was feeling rather lonely or alone, when I was going though divorce, back in 1992. Even though I had a lot of interaction with friends, family and at work. it was in the evening that was the worse time. thankfully, now with my wonderful wife, I am completely secure in my knowledge, that loneliness will be a thing of the pass.

However, I do think of my mother, at this time, who is quite active still but just thinking about her in the evenings

[Petrushka]

You can feel lonely in a crowded room and in a packed Albert Hall but I'm lucky enough to be fairly happy with my own company so it's not that big a deal. The key is to always have something to do whether it's reading, music, meeting friends, seeing family, watching a good film and to try to always have something to look forward to. I meet friends on a regular basis and see my siblings often so there's no time to be lonely. Never, never just sit there moping, worst thing you can do.

Loneliness isn't an illness, it's a state of mind.

[ferneyhoughgeliebte]

Loneliness isn't an illness, it's a state of mind.

How can you know this if you've not experienced it, Pet?

[eighthobstruction]

How can you know this if you've not experienced it, Pet?

....indeed

[Anna]

Loneliness isn't an illness, it's a state of mind.

It's not an illness as such, with a set of specific symptoms, but it can cause illness. Not just mental illness but physical illness because it depresses the immune system, increases the production of cortisol leading to blood pressure, heart problems, etc., there are loads of articles online about the correlation if you look.

Some people can lead the busiest of lives, constantly socialising and in even longterm relationships who nevertheless can be overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness and despair because, internally, they feel no-one really cares.

Being alone, aka solitude, on the other hand as distinct from being lonely, can be very enjoyable.