The Last Journey

[Serial_Apologist]

A morbid subject, it goes without saying.

It occurred to me that many others who, like me, lack "nearest and dearests" of any sort, probably comprise a sizable growing proportion of the population, may be asking themselves the same question. Who is going to pick up the pieces when the time comes? Do I just leave it all to "the taxpayer" to deal with the inevitable in my case? - or, as in my case - does my conscience lead me into the potential danger of being ripped off by making arrangements well in advance and paying for them?

The people I'm about to sound out are Golden Funerals, based in S Wales, who have just phoned me initially after I filled out some of my details (just basics like postal code, email) which was all they wanted. Their local chappie is due to telephone me at 12 noon.

I just have to remain on my mettle to ensure I don't haplessly commit myself. From what I've read in online reviews some users have had problems with this firm, but mostly around what for me would be peripheral issues like their relatives not being consulted, people not getting back to them on this, that and the other. I was thinking that this might be a good place to sound out opinions on pre-paid funerals.

What do others think?

[Petrushka]

I wouldn't commit to anything until you have full details and time for consideration.

[Pulcinella]

I'd certainly consult a local Funeral Director too (they may well have plans), or consider Coop Funeralcare, who may have a branch nearby.

https://www.coop.co.uk/funeralcare

[vinteuil]

I don't think they're a good idea - but you might like to read this -

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/prepaid-funeral-plans/

Mme v and I have decided to donate our bodies to science, thus obviating the question...

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[Pulcinella]

I don't think they're a good idea - but you might like to read this -

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/prepaid-funeral-plans/

Mme v and I have decided to donate our bodies to science, thus obviating the question...

.

That in itself can create problems.
My partner's aunt/godmother thought that she had done that, but after her death the body was refused (can't quite remember why: might have been due to having TB as a child), which led to a 'proper' funeral having to be hastily arranged. So do make sure that there are no medical issues that would prevent your body/bodies being accepted.

[antongould]

A friend’s wife booked one - paid in advance and the firm went bust …… lost every penny so I would suggest at least a credit check S_A ……..

[Petrushka]

My father was an undertaker for nearly 60 years with only a break for his wartime RAF service. As such, death was a constant presence in our household for me, and my siblings, from our very earliest childhood. Not even Christmas Day was exempt because most years the phone would ring as we were opening our presents and my father would have to leave.

Not surprisingly, therefore, I take a very matter of fact approach to death which some friends find a little off-putting. I don't do grief, there's a sort of brief sadness, maybe, then a very swift acceptance and that's it. My father was under no illusions and neither am I.

[smittims]

I'm in favour of leaving a body to anatomy. But as has been said,they can be refused if they don't have room at the time. This happened with my father's body. He had made all the arrangements years before , but when he died they said no.

I think we should have a National Death Service of come sort. Everyone is going to die, and for the many who have no religious feelings about disposal it seems sensible to have some sort of simple collection and disposal service.

Although I keep meaning to make arrangements to donate my remains, I have to reflect that , once I'm no longer alive, my family will probably care more about what happens than I, and may want to do somethg different, which I would like to respect. . . Funerals are really for the survivors, after all.

[Serial_Apologist]

The phone call back could not have been more reassuring if the adviser had tried. Now all to do is wait for details to be emailed, and small print micro examined. If I am to make a decision, this is probably the best time, given that the simple scheme on offer would be affordable for me as things presently stand, and with future prospects ever more difficult to make out, let alone plan for. I may well get back to the forum to report on any follow up.

A huge thanks to all of you for your views.

[vinteuil]

The phone call back could not have been more reassuring if the adviser had tried...

... of course it was. "Reassurance" is the sales pitch in this case.

I would indeed check the small print carefully.

If you have no obvious heirs to worry about you could always do nothing : tho' I suppose those of a tidy mind disposition might not like the thought of what happens when you've gone (not that you will be aware). I can be frighteningly solipsistic when I choose...

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[oddoneout]

The phone call back could not have been more reassuring if the adviser had tried. Now all to do is wait for details to be emailed, and small print micro examined. If I am to make a decision, this is probably the best time, given that the simple scheme on offer would be affordable for me as things presently stand, and with future prospects ever more difficult to make out, let alone plan for. I may well get back to the forum to report on any follow up.

A huge thanks to all of you for your views.

As vinteuil says it's their job to sound genuine on the phone. I am slightly concerned because I think(if I remember correctly) that you take such calls and those who make them at face value whereas many of us are less trusting/more cynical. Have you got/will you be getting details from other firms to compare small print - exclusions are important? Pulcie's suggestion of talking to funeral directors is worth considering. I don't know about "leaving it to the tax payer" to sort out but if someone dies without anyone or funds for the funeral then it's the local council that picks up the bill I believe.
My mother was very organised and took out a policy with Golden Charter, so that we didn't have to worry about arrangements and costs. It was typical of her and as it turned out it did make life easier - up to a point. It was based on the assumption that she would still be living in the same place so the funeral would be at her local church and burial in the double plot with my father who had predeceased her. Life had other ideas, and severe and rapid dementia necessitating care-home accommodation meant a move hundreds of miles away, in order to find a place near family(which ironically wouldn't have been the case in the village where she thought she would end her days, which was hundreds of miles from all 3 of her children) and necessitated a change of plans for the funeral.Luckily, despite being a small Highland village there was not only a a local funeral director but he had also worked with the firm before, and was invaluable in getting things sorted when I ( as the person dealing with her affairs)ran into a few difficulties with the different arrangements that had to be made - different country(!) different church, cremation not burial etc. As it happened we reckoned we ended up with a much better send-off for her than would otherwise have been the case as, despite being so far away, the area was familiar even to those of us who didn't live there, as were the people involved, from holidays spent in the village since childhood. Although the plan covered everything there, it didn't cover the secondary ceremony the following summer to inter the ashes with my father in Lancashire, but that wasn't too expensive - the bulk was the headstone inscription and reseating. As it happened, financially the plan wasn't essential, as my mother's estate turned out to be quite respectable, but not having to submit invoices to the solicitor for payment of all the various bits of the funeral and cremation did make life easier. Another way in which we were lucky was that although a preference for burial had been expressed in the documents accompanying the plan, the possibility of cremation had not been ruled out, thus heading off a protest by one of the family that otherwise would have caused a major problem - both logistical and emotional.

[kernelbogey]

I believe planning for one's own funeral - whatever that might entail - is an important activity for those (like me) in the last quartile, or indeed octant, of our lives. A friend, just a couple of years younger than me, has written a short list of what he would like at, and after, his funeral: being clear that it is a request to his family. He has sent copies to his two adult sons, and filed a copy with his will. I have given this matter a lot of thought - although I am behind him on action.

But at my back I always hear
Time’s wingèd chariot hurrying near....

I am wondering if others would like this thread to expand in such a direction, or perhaps a new thread along the lines I have sketched here? (Happy to start one.)

Views?

[Serial_Apologist]

Feel free, KB!

[smittims]

I think it's very much a matter of personal choice. I would want to avoid telling my survivors what to do on any subject after my death,even with regard to the disposal of my remains. Once I lose consciousness it's no longer my concern. However, I am not recommending this ; others may have reasons for wanting things done in a certain way.

[oddoneout]

I think it's very much a matter of personal choice. I would want to avoid telling my survivors what to do on any subject after my death,even with regard to the disposal of my remains. Once I lose consciousness it's no longer my concern. However, I am not recommending this ; others may have reasons for wanting things done in a certain way.

Indicating preferences can be very helpful for those having to deal with such matters. Post-death is a time when festering tensions get a chance to let rip sadly, and reducing the opportunities for "s/he would/wouldn't have wanted" arguments is important. As I mentioned in my previous post, the burial/cremation issue could have been a major upset if there hadn't been the written evidence that our mother recognised that circumstances might mean that cremation need to be the option chosen after all. The other aspect is that by the time the questions have to be answered there may not be anyone who has the knowledge to answer them - what music did they like, church or not, etc.
But it is very much a case of "indicating" not "demanding".
It's a matter I am struggling with. I don't have any problems contemplating "mine end" but I am having difficulty striking a balance between what my preferences are, and what my children may want or need. I want the practicalities to be as minimal as possible - just whatever is necessary to dispose of my remains legally - but that is unlikely to be what they want. As they are two such different characters though I can see that there might be problems for them in agreeing what form the send-off (for want of a better term) should take. My daughter I think would have no difficulty with minimal - and would do it well as logistics and organising things, while keeping emotions in check, are what she excels at. My son however, as the emotionally attached one(and also the one with the children), would be very unhappy with that I suspect. An added issue is that we are all living considerable distances apart, so where and what should be my final resting place - if any?
Somehow I have to find a middle path...