Have a PC Christmas

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
  • ardcarp
    Late member
    • Nov 2010
    • 11102

    Have a PC Christmas

    Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. The assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

    Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

    Following last years well publicised case, everyone is advised that legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

    While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

    Finally, for those involved in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

    Wishing you a very Merry Christmas. Be safe out there.......
  • DracoM
    Host
    • Mar 2007
    • 12994

    #2

    Comment

    • mangerton
      Full Member
      • Nov 2010
      • 3346

      #3
      Brilliant - just like The Star! (which was probably a Supernova)

      Comment

      • Bryn
        Banned
        • Mar 2007
        • 24688

        #4
        Originally posted by mangerton View Post
        Brilliant - just like The Star! (which was probably a Supernova)

        Comment

        • ahinton
          Full Member
          • Nov 2010
          • 16123

          #5
          Very good (apart from the fact that "years" should read "year's" - oops, sorry, wrong thread!); where did you find this?

          Comment

          • Nick Armstrong
            Host
            • Nov 2010
            • 26575

            #6
            Hilarious!!!

            Ho Ho Ho everyone!
            "...the isle is full of noises,
            Sounds and sweet airs, that give delight and hurt not.
            Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
            Will hum about mine ears, and sometime voices..."

            Comment

            • JFLL
              Full Member
              • Jan 2011
              • 780

              #7
              Originally posted by Bryn View Post
              A Supernova or a Red Dwarf?

              Comment

              • Serial_Apologist
                Full Member
                • Dec 2010
                • 37851

                #8
                Dwarf? Are we allowed to say dwarf??

                Comment

                • JFLL
                  Full Member
                  • Jan 2011
                  • 780

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Serial_Apologist View Post
                  Dwarf? Are we allowed to say dwarf??
                  Just had a phone call from Social Services ...

                  Comment

                  • umslopogaas
                    Full Member
                    • Nov 2010
                    • 1977

                    #10
                    Super dwarf? A vertically challenged Vauxhall super Nova. Thought of buying one once, but couldnt get my knees under the steering wheel.

                    Comment

                    • ardcarp
                      Late member
                      • Nov 2010
                      • 11102

                      #11
                      where did you find this?
                      It was sent to me by a colleague. I think he may have written it, but am not sure.

                      Comment

                      • Eine Alpensinfonie
                        Host
                        • Nov 2010
                        • 20575

                        #12
                        Originally posted by Serial_Apologist View Post
                        Dwarf? Are we allowed to say dwarf??
                        Yes, but don't say "dwarves". Tolkien got that one wrong and had to write endless excuses in his preface to Lord of the Rings.

                        Comment

                        • Eine Alpensinfonie
                          Host
                          • Nov 2010
                          • 20575

                          #13
                          Originally posted by mangerton View Post
                          Brilliant - just like The Star! (which was probably a Supernova)
                          More probably a comet. A supernova would have faded long before the Wise Men could reach their destination.

                          Comment

                          • jean
                            Late member
                            • Nov 2010
                            • 7100

                            #14
                            Originally posted by ardcarp View Post
                            It was sent to me by a colleague. I think he may have written it, but am not sure.
                            It has been around for a few years.

                            Comment

                            • Padraig
                              Full Member
                              • Feb 2013
                              • 4251

                              #15
                              Originally posted by jean View Post
                              It has been around for a few years.
                              Like the Christmas Story.

                              Comment

                              Working...
                              X